I was so naive when younger
We went to an outdoor mall yesterday that is a few hours from home, my wife asked me if I wanted to bring some Maria stuff for the drive there and home. We finished shopping and very close to the shopping centre there is a body of water that in the summer people picnic, we drove there and it was very quite. There was an old home there with a sign hot chocolate and there were a lot of cars there and it seamed like they were making it outside. We bought 2 large hot chocolates and we started driving along the river road that there were cars driving by but pretty quite , even though it's January it actually was a nice day. My wife asked me if I wanted to dress up and she bought me a sweater dress and wanted me to try it on, I parked in a parking area and I dressed up, there was a picnic table a little distance away with the sun beaming on it, she looked around and asked me if I want to go drink the hot chocolate at the table since it was quite around. Well you know I wasn't going to refuse that, from the moment I opened the car door the cool air blew up my dress, WOW! what a feeling. Just walking outside on the snow was a new experience, I had on fem boots but they had a very low heel that made it pretty easy. We both sat at the edge of the picnic table having the sun shine on our bodies, I instantly felt the sun heat up my tights, another amazing feeling. I sat there in disbelief that I was sitting outside with my wife drinking hot chocolate dressed, there were cars driving by on the main road but they were a good distance away but in full view. We were both enjoying the heat of the sun and my wife looked over at me and told me if someone would have told her 40 years ago that she would be sitting outside with her husband dressed as a women, she would have never believed it. She told me that I looked good and what an amazing job she did to get me to look that good. We both laughed and she got serious and asked me if I remembered how it all started, when was the first time I put something fem on and what it was. We usally don't talk about my dressing besides when I need something and she never asked me questions of my past or shown any interest. I was happy to talk about it, I told her I didn't really remember the first time but I believe it was forsure my sisters pantyhose the first thing. She asked how did I do it, with my grandparents living with me and my house was where all my relatives would stay when they came to our country. I told her I shared room with my sister that made it easy, my sister was a bit of a slob and I remember some mornings my sister would go out and without even leaving my bed I would reach to the floor pick up a pair of pantyhose and go to town with them. When my sister married I had my own room and I was a very naive child, I think back now and I couldn't understand how I didn't see things like I see them now. I told her I worked in a department store and bought pantyhose telling everyone my mother asked me to buy them for her and I remember having quite a few pairs, I don't know why but when I would masterbate in them I would leave the mess in them and every once in a while I would find them washed and folded and never wondered if my mother or grandmother would wash them. When my parents would go to our summer home in the summer they would go for months at a time and I would stay with my grandparents. I remember they would go to bed early and I would put on pantyhose and get my mothers slip and I would stay up and watch TV, the funny thing is I would fall asleep on the couch and I would wake up and find a blanket on. I guess my grandmother seen me but never said anything to me the next day or ever and I guess she took it to her grave.
My mom caught me once but I kept avoiding the questions from her but she wasn't as loyal as my grandmother because she told my dad. But I found that out years later when my mom went to sleep and left her clothes in the bathroom and my dad yield at me why I left my clothes there and why am I doing this to him. I got upset with him asking way it had to be about him and not be concerned about his son that I was going though this not him. Just like any Europen father we didn't talk for 5 years. My wife always wondered why we weren't talking until a few years after we were married and she started crying and couldn't believe that when he pasted we weren't father and son we were better then best friends. My wife got up and sat next to and hugged me and told me, Wow what a struggle it must of been for me with this in my youth. I told her it is a life time of struggle and I apologized to her that I wasn't fair to her either telling her about this until a few weeks after we were married but I wasn't going to go a life time with this secret. I apologized again telling her it was hard enough for her to maintain the household with the children and her job and to deal with this too and that she must really love me. I told her she made the struggle easier, from the moment I told her she never seen a problem with it, and always told me I'm harming nobody and that she was why I wasn't in the mental hospital. I wouldn't have ever believed I would be outside dressed with my wife fourty years ago either. She was hugging me and telling me that she didn't believe what I went through. It felt so good to open up and talk about it, the part I couldn't understand was how naive I really was, the washing of the pantyhose the falling asleep dressed and who knows what else there was, I guess I was young. I thanked her again for being so understanding and accepting, I seen she was very emotional and I told her not to be because she is the reason why I'm so happy in my life now.
I guess at times we forget our past or just want to forget I guess, I stayed up late last night and just thinking back at all the things I did and all the changes I took to express myself and how naive I really was. One thing is forsure is that I know iam not alone here, I'm sure you all have some amazing memories also, some good, some bad. Thanks it alittle long but I wanted to share
