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Great story and as everybody said you are a good parent. There is one thing I am wondering about: One does not become TG overnight there must have been signs and indications during childhood?
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Julia,
Thank you, sister. I needed to read your story. It not only resonates with me but it is a reminder to myself that I do not live in a vacuum.
First, I congratulate you on your wisdom, maturity and love. You are doing the right thing, all around for your family and yourself.
I have grown children too and grandchildren. I'm out to my grown children (40/36 yrs) but not my grandchildren. The parents want to avoid the subject for the time being for the little kids. Maybe later. But.... for now this is one of my "boundaries"; somewhat self imposed. My kids accept my being transgender but are not exactly enthused. I am out to my wife (of 42 yrs), and while we remain together our relationship is quite strained. We 're in love. Be ready for your wife to have a very difficult time with it all; your son for now and you later (especially). I've found this is not easy on loved ones. PS: The last year of my transition has gone from a social transition (part time crossdressing, therapy, support groups) for a year to just starting HRT.
Your post had a positive grounding effect on me. I appreciate it. I hope the wisdom you've employed here produces loving results down the road for your entire family.
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OMG what an amazing story. So happy for her to have a parent like you.
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I wonder if there is a reason she picked to come out to you first :) But it's great she was able to confide in you and obviously have your support. In some ways supporting her is almost selfish since you want to role model the kind of support you would want yourself. I hope your family gets through this together and you can have a similar safe coming out :)
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Julia, when I grow up I want to be as good a dad as you. She's got a tumultuous few years ahead of her, but having you in her corner is going to make it infinitely better. Your wife will come 'round, but if she truly has no idea about Julia, you might want to be prepared for a potential "That's why our son is trans!" lash out.
(In the meantime... have you considered telling your newly acquired daughter about your secret? Not to say you should or shouldn't, I wouldn't know where to advise about that, but might be something that helps her during the times when she'll feel like an outsider, or that nobody understands)
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The amount of support and kind words here really is amazing, thanks everyone. I want to tackle just the one thing that comes up from time to time ...
I have considered telling her, yes. But I'm not sure that adding (but you have to keep this secret from mom, for now) is the sort of request or burden I want to add to her own start of her journey, at this time. I suspect that I will tell her first, and shortly afterwards tell my wife. It all depends on how the next stage goes in my daughters transition.
I told her on the car ride home that I am on a journey or learning as well as we (as a family) both move forward with her next few years ... I am aware (obviously) more than she thinks about trans issues, the transition process, etc. which she said amazed and has already helped her. And to expect me to make mistakes (using her birth name twice today; and meaning to tap her on the heart telling her I am in there, missing, and having her go "Ow!" ... I wasn't aware HRT made breast tissue so sensitive ... oops). She has been opena and honest and says she "feels great" and "feels really good" which as a dad, makes me genuinely happy.
I will keep posting and letting you all know who this moves along. Thank you so much for the well wishes and for some of the private messages ... they mean a great deal to me.
Julia
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Thank you for being a supportive dad. When my son told me he's gay, I was ever so briefly devastated inside. But I just as quickly realized he's still the same person he's always been and I have no reason to let anything be different in our relationship. As I come to accept who I am, it's brought us closer.
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My wife was told last night.
I was there for a few minutes by request, but then left the room when the time was right. They talked ... now, it was quite late so not long, but my wife and I followed that up with a parent's discussion for an hour in bed. She feels a sense of loss in a way. She hugged our daughter so hard though ... it was emotional and my wife has only been less than 24 hours with the news.
The journey will take time ... pronouns are hard right now, and it's obvious my wife is having emotional issues over the whole thing (as am I). She's tired (never sleeps well anyway, but last night maybe an hour?) and just needs time to process. Our daughter knows and saw my wife loves her like the whole world, of course, and said she was feeling good today. It was a hard moment. I am doing well, with a sense of odd loss and a bit of unsteady moments, but as a cross dresser and (therefore?) slightly along the TG spectrum, am able to process this seemingly much faster? Or maybe I'm fooling myself a bit ... time will tell as will a lot of conversations and talk.
I have passed along an amazing resource PDF called Families in TRANSition, and have found out local PFLAG group in town that I/we will attend, maybe as early as next month. We'll win. This is just a starting step in an amazing journey ...
Thank you so much for everyone's support. You have been amazing sisters to share this life moment with.
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Julia, What an absolutely beautiful story about your new daughter, I am so happy for you and your whole family.
