Originally Posted by
Kaitlyn Michele
I was ambivalent about my penis... it was just something on the list...i was much more interested in ffs and being accepted as female..
i recall having a dream about walking down the street and all my clothes fell off, and everyone stared at me with a penis..!!! yikes!!
and i recall being reminded every day of course that i had a penis...i remember trudging off to srs, not excited, more determined...
what i learned, and have been sharing, is that getting the surgery was a transcendant thing..it changed everything...it changed everything in a way i had not anticipated..it didn't make me happy after the initial euphoria...
it just ended my feeling of otherness.... i thought i was doing find with my penis, but what i didn't realize was that i could feel "cisgendered"... i am much more about sharing this thing i learned than excluding people...i learned from this that my internal fear that i was not transsexual, that i was making a huge mistake was eliminated through srs...through gender "confirmation" surgery..
this is where i get my data... this isn't what's in my head..it's what happened..it's important to me to share my experience... i learned from it...
saying you are better off keeping is not wanting it and
i am sorry if someone feels hurt or excluded by something i say...perhaps it is true that some people do not need that confirmation..however to not even desire it in any way does not compute with me..
To one of your points Bree we are different in an important way...
i never ever ever felt "connected" with someone with my penis...does that make sense? i could have sex, i could get off, i could please someone, but it never felt like a connection..ever
after having sex as a woman, i can't say i was in love with anyone, but the sex was connected, and it was me and i didn't feel like a fraud in bed..i felt satisfied and connected
i think there is a ton of rationalization in many of the people that are transtioning about surgery/passing/ffs/srs... people that don't do these things for whatever reason are forever going to convince people that had these things that they are ts too..
i think in the end almost every person here that has posted is what we would all call "ts"... i'm sure there are some talkers and fakers...but fear, guilt, shame, money, need for love, shamex2, depression all impact us deeply in our shared experience, and it messes with your mind...