Being "caught"

I see many times members here will express they have been "caught" implying that they were more or less caught off guard when dressed or in some other way inadvertently gave themselves away. My question is when you say you are "caught" does that imply that you feel you have done something "wrong" or does it simply mean you got side lined at an inopportune time? Inquiring people want to know. :battingeyelashes::)

Yes I think you're right. "being caught" does imply your doing something you shouldn't be doing or something some one doesn't approve of which is probably the case with most of the members here. In mostly places it isn't against the law to cross dress but as we know, there are some social mores against it.

It depends on how you are defining doing "something wrong". Is my crossdressing wrong? Not in my opinion. Is it socially unaccepted? In most instances yes.

If however you define doing something wrong as hiding my crossdressing from my wife then yes, I feel like I did something wrong, whatever my reasoning at the time (sorry for opening that can of worms again).

I prefer the word "discovered" - what I do is not wrong, it is just not accepted by many people.

Caught = naughty. It means you been a bad, bad kitty, as opposed to bad like a serial killer.

It implies a sexual thrill with its roots very probably in early childhood. There is a vast amount of erotic fiction which can be summed up as 'I got caught...' and there is a tradition in crime that says you don't get caught unless you want to.

I think it going to depend upon where the cross dresser is with his own acceptance and that of anyone close to him. There is nothing illegal about wearing women's clothing. However, it is against societal norms and expectations for men. Probably most cross dressers do go through at some time some feelings of shame, lack of self esteem..all those feelings of some inadequacies of being a male. Being "caught" does pose some risks. Basically, how will society, i.e., family, friends, coworkers, the public treat you for violating those societal norms? For a cross dresser who is at peace with himself it does come down to an inopportune time. How many times does a person want to explain to others why he likes to wear women's clothing? Or, how many times does he want to have a "discussion" with his non accepting wife?

I just associate getting caught as I have my hand in the candy bowl..... My wife and are both on a diet..... My CD is not wrong unless you were dressing like back in the Old Testament times to be a thief, so unless you are thiving I can't see being caught as bad. I guess it's how one interprets and the attitudes that society throws at you.

I used to attend a church which had many good things they teach, but males are not to act effeminate, nor wear clothes designed for women. I kept it hidden from there. But, i made the mistake of confiding in a woman, who i should have know is a gossip. Well, she told me she would keep it secret, I sent her some printer photos of Alice in many poses and dresses, skirts, and lingerie. I should have known. She blabbed it to some of my friends, there, and they are no longer my close friends. they think i am a pervert now, and should stop, and be a man. I was told that i was born a man, and i was meant to be masculine. I believe i am stiill a man, and am 97% of the time in men's clothes! i just have had this thing about CERTAIN women's clothing, and looking like the woman of my desires, and having been kept from having a wife all these decades. Men do things to cope, when they never get to have a steady girlfriend or wife all their adult lives!

Kate,
First of all it's great to see you back .

I'm glad to say that being caught is almost a thing of the past , It's hardly a problem when you walk through a crowded hotel in a strapless ballgown.

Going back to just over a year or so being caught meant so many things.

Wearing women's clothes, possibly even worse your wife's things, then being caught out without a plausible answer, you feel guilty whether it's right or wrong . Maybe it means being caught in a situation that's at odds with society's view of male behaviour.

We keep going back to society's expectations of a man. What about OUR expectations? How do we feel about dressing up and do we feel it demeans our manhood to dress like women? Maybe part of what drives it is that men are expected to act a certain way yet in a lot of instances in today's world men don't take responsibility for being men by acting the part even if they don't dress like women. How many times have we heard some guy being told to "man up". and "git 'er done"? The funny thing is we don't need to be dressed as men to do it. If we are true to ourselves, getting "caught" merely becomes more of an annoyance more than anything else. :)

Kate, well said. i do however believe, that the vast majority of men simply cannot be crossdressers, not wired in the brain for it. As for myself, and we are all a litttle different, i do see my masculinity compromised slightly when i dress, and i still struggle with guilt, due to my church teaching, and society. I have had the nerve to actually go out in public about 25 times altogether. I avoid bars andclubs, though. I have been deprived of female closeness all my life, but my mother was smothering, needy. I dress partly ot experience "female" closeness." i am kind of "husband and wife" in one.

Kate,
I don't feel I demean men by dressing in fact I don't give it a thought now I demean anyone .

From the reactions I've had from people who know about my CDing most think it takes a great deal of courage to meet the World dressed, rather than demean anyone some think we are a little bit special , please excuse the pun but most think we have some balls to do it .

Teresa, It does indeed take guts to actually go out in a semi hostile or sometimes hostile public, dressed as a woman. When i have gone out, always alone, it takes me a while to block the FEARS, and just do it, regardless of who sees. I feel like the only man in the world dressed, up, though, and at almost seven feet tall, in high heels, and high hair, i stick out like a totem pole, or scarecrow. I have had a few disgusted looks, and OMG's, and one man told his children not to look!

I agree with Teresa. Bucking the norms of society is one of the scariest and most difficult things to do. I think most men are scaredy cats, whether it is about crossdressing or anything else that isn't considered normal by society. Kudos to all of us who are willing to "man up" by dressing as a woman!

Sami

No, it means that I was an infield fly ball, and I landed in the web of her fielder's glove.

Hell-o Kate,
It's my impression that the majority of the being "caught"
references here are more of the person being "caught" off guard.
Not that they felt they were doing something wrong, just a short
lapse in security.
Much Love,
Kristyn

As a closeted/dadt gal, being caught means being seen en femme by my wife. Its never happened. I don't think dressing is wrong but my wife has a problem with it. Therein is the issue.

I got "caught" by my wife some time ago, we had been together 26 plus years and I had dressed all that time, I thought she didn't know, well she didn't know but she had her suspicions

One evening when I came home from work underdressed and was very calmly getting changed, she appeared in the bedroom, caught with my trousers down although she didn't actually say anything so I thought maybe my shirt was covering just enough

It was some time later she decided to discuss me "being gay" for wearing ladies underwear

Now did I get "caught" or did she finally find me out ???

she thought I was doing something wrong because I kept secret my need to dress, but then she had made it clear from many years ago that she really had no time for men that wanted to dress as women, the more she went on about it the less I felt inclined to tell her

I harm absolutely no one and it is not against the law, it makes me feel wonderful and takes some of the stresses out of life

It is a complicated thing this route that we take and yet in reality is a very harmless thing to do

Fiona who wears the pants in your family?

Your just reading too much into the word.

I use the word caught, but not in a negative way. I'm not doing anything wrong, but I prefer to choose who I show this side to. But there are times that you can't control. One of the other posters used the word "discovered" which may be more of a neutral connotation.
I tried to keep it a secret from my neighbors for the longest time. After being called out on this in an earlier post, I re-examined my reasons and decided that if they're out when I come home so be it. Well, last Sunday at least one neighbor saw me, lets see what happens. He and his wife are only up basically on the weekends so I'll find out if there are any repercussions.

I agree discovered might be a better term! Maybe if we are secure in our masculinity and femininity, then it becomes an annoyance! There is still violence out there over this. I feel that those who react the worst to us are the ones who are not secure in their masculinity/femininity! My personal opinion is if a male threatens violence ask if he wants to tell everyone a girl kicked his ass! Just MHO! Hugs Lana Mae

Kate,
I agree with Teresa that I am not demeaning men when I wear ladies clothing out in public. I have encountered several colleagues at the supermarket while wearing ladies jeans, top, earrings, light make-up and carry a handbag. Each encounter enables an opportunity for me to grow in confidence (so far).

I am being true to myself, a TG non-binary person. As I see myself more as a near-woman than a man, my presentation confirms who I really am.

It is unfortunate that the TG community can not freely express our identities without fear of public ridicule. Too many in society act like we are contagious. I wish they would get over it.

Hmmmmmm....

One can be caught
off guard, off base, or off sides
flat footed, napping, or short
tween a rock and a hard place, or twixt the Devil & the deep blue sea
in the rain, in the crossfire, or in a web of deceit
up
with one's hand in the cookie jar, red handed, or with your pants ( & presumably, your panties) down.

I think I prefer the term Dannigirl used: discovered