You can wear the clothes but don't act or look like a woman

When reading responses to nikkiwindsor's post on boundaries I was surprised at how many wives mine included who don't seem to mind us wearing women's clothes but draw the line at us looking or acting too much like a woman.I dress casual all the time at home and wear nighties, bra and panties to bed but she don't want to see me in a wig or wearing make up or walking and sitting like a woman so I stick to t-shirt,bra, skirt,pantyhose and heels home.I am also careful not to get too much swing happening when in heels.Forgot awhile back and got a "quit walking like a woman" shot.When she is out all bets are off.I can live with that so I'm content.....Michelle

It seems you?re ok with the boundaries that define her comfort zone, and that?s great.

Opposite situation here. My wife would never let me leave the house half done.

In talks a while back, my wife was asking if I wanted to go out presenting as a woman, and I said (truthfully) no. She seemed relieved, and said something along the lines of "Okay... its one thing doing this in private, but if you go public then you have to deal with the whole world staring and talking, and I'm not sure if that's something you or I want." That was a bit of a "huh" moment for me. For the most part, I worry about the effects dressing has on me, my own wants and needs and rarely did I pay attention to how any of this would effect her. I simply told her I was a crossdresser before we got married, and since she went along with it there was always an attitude of "Well, you knew it going in, this is what you signed up for."

When we got married, my wife married a man. Yes, a man who liked to wear clothing that wasn't "approved" by society, but a man nonetheless who liked beer, motorcycles, sports, power tools, and building stuff. I had a beard, a hairy chest, and that's what she fell in love with. It would make absolute sense that she would be concerned if my dressing desires grew, the man she chose to spend her life with being slowly replaced by a female she never really knew.

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Originally Posted by Micki_Finn

Opposite situation here. My wife would never let me leave the house half done.

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Yeah, but would she let you leave the house fully done? :clap:

My boundaries where never shave my chest, she loved to
run her fingers through my chest hair.
And never go out of the house dressed, so as to not embarrass her.
I could live with it.
Rader

Any boundaries are fine wherever you want yo out them, as long as they are negotiated as a meeting of two roughly equally respected points of view. I do my dressing almost any way and any place I want, but she won't be seen in public with me while I'm dressed. So I go out alone as a MIAD. I am a little uncomfortable that she essentially sees me as her most shameful secret. But OTOH, if I were to insist that I need to wear a dress for an outing with her, she'd be equally uncomfortable.

Good politics is the art of making all parties equally unhappy.

My body hair also is a boundary. My wife doesn't mind seeing hair under fem things because it says that [insert male name] is still there.

I don't think my wife would say no if I wanted to go out dressed I just don't I'm retired and dress almost 24/7. :hugs:
Angie

Not quite what your asking, but I saw one therapist in male mode first. The second time I saw her en femme. She said that I acted different en femme. I think it was because my legs were delicately crossed at the ankles, my hands were resting on my hips, and I was quieter and less intense. Since my wife has never seen me dressed, she hasn't been in a position to comment on if I'm different en femme.

I find with my wife she feels as if she needs alittle control, when I first told her she didn't want me to wear pink. Then a while later she comes home with a pink panty and bra set. It seems like they want to control the pace I guess fearing if they don't we will get out of control.

It works both ways. My wife used to set boundaries for me, but when I started returning the favor, she did not like it at all. She didn't like me leaving the house dressed feminine, and I refused to go anywhere with her unless she was dressed feminine. She loves to dress masculine and got offended LOL that lasted a few months before she saw my point and changed her thinking.

My wife and I have a similar agreement to the one several have mentioned. I told her about my dressing when we first met. I go out fully dressed; but I take every precaution so I am not seen by the neighbors. Furthermore I always carry a change of clothes in the car as well as makeup remover should the need arise. She has seen me dressed numerous times; but draws the line on going out with me. Everything in life, dressing included, is a compromise.

In the few times I've left the house my wife has wanted me to be as "passable" as possible. Nothing outrageous or over the top.

At home I run the gamete from hose and flats to full makeup and wig. It just depends on how I feel and how much work I want to put into it at the time.

Michelle,
From my pesonal situation I felt this situation an awkward compromise . OK my wife has never seen me fully dressed only partly so when being caught out some yearts ago .She's always had the attitude I would look stupid but the inbeween state isn't a comfortable palce for me and admit I do feel stupid .

I also realise why women lay down this house rule , most will say in no uncertain terms they're not lesbians . To me being seen partially dressed by our wive /partners and neighbours is far worse than being seen fully dressed and made up . Which is worse being seen by a neighbour as a MIAD and have them all make comments behind your back which may upset your wife or being seen by neighbours looking quite passable and making complimentary comments .

I find feminine movements mannerisms tend
to be in large part tied to the clothing .
Smoothing a skirt when you sit, leg movement and
Placement , etc .
To not act like a lady when dressed seems so awkward
To me
At first some was practiced , but a lot was common sense
so those. Boundaries would not work for me
In fact my girlfriend, when
I started dressing insisted on
Lady like behavior .


JAS

My wife helps when I go out, has made suggestions as what to wear. The thing she has helped most with is my walking. She says she does not want me walking like a farmer.

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Originally Posted by Michelle 51

When reading responses to nikkiwindsor's post on boundaries I was surprised at how many wives mine included who don't seem to mind us wearing women's clothes but draw the line at us looking or acting too much like a woman.......I am also careful not to get too much swing happening when in heels.Forgot awhile back and got a "quit walking like a woman" shot......Michelle

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Quite the contrary when I dress my wife expects me to act like a lady, (i.e. no walking like a lumberjack, no scratching something that should not be in my skinny jeans etc.).

There seem to be two different reactions from partners. 1 If you wear these clothes do it properly, behaviour included. 2. Wear these clothes by all means but do not behave like a woman. I think both reactions are reasonable and that the male partner should do his best to comply - after all relationships involve compromise. I have used the male pronoun as I am assuming we are talking about heterosexual CDs here. When it gets to the woman in the partnership making decrees about what her husband would wear we are getting into dangerous waters. This goes beyond different standards of clothing for the two genders - it is effectively attempting to control what your partner wears. If a man does this to a woman in Scotland it is called abuse - there are even advertisements on television saying that women should not tolerate this. This goes beyond the tired old "not fair" argument into more sinister territory. Abuse is abuse irrespective of direction. At the same time I think it is reasonable for a woman to ASK her partner not to wear certain clothes in public as is the converse. The difference is between asking and insisting. If it is a heartfelt request, a considerate partner will take these views and perceptions into account before acting. If a woman genuinely cringes with embarrassment at the thought of her partner going out in public in these clothes then you would have to be very selfish and arrogant to go ahead and do so. If she tries to make such stipulations at home, there are fewer arguments for complying. I think asking her to imagine a reverse situation is a very powerful argument for 'at home' dresses.

I?m blessed with a supportive wife. No boundaries. When I have any questions, she always tries to help. When dressed totally, I experience some feminine feelings and my body language does change a little. When out, I pay attention to feminine body language and try to imitate. It takes lots of practice, especially walking. Sometimes, I over exaggerate my movements and she points out things that look more natural. Practicing is fun. When out for a drive, I?ll fluff my hair, and glance in the rear view mirror. I always sit with my ankles crossed and will occasionally slowly run my hand up my nyloned legs. Fun.

Susan,
There's the first problem we face, so many contradictions , I feels it's immaterial if it's dealing with a CDer or a TG , wives / partners don't differentiate , if they don't approve the labels aren't important . I agree being dictated to on dress code is abuse but then that becomes a sticky wicket we could be accused of abusing our wives .

Being seen out and the consequences . The obvious statement is personally I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to satisfy my dysphoria , I would go as far to say very few of us would . I didn't set out to shame or embarrass anyone , what did I have to gain to risk losing so much .

The bottom line for me was my wife refused to come to terms with it , I made enough offers , I honestly can't answer if it was the embarrassment or she no longer controlled me , she certainly became very abusive when I accused her of not liking the loss of control .

Hello Michelle,

I didn't think I acted different when I'm dressed up but my girlfriend says I do lol I'm lucky she doesn't care if I am or not. When we are out and I'm dressed up she still only calls me love or hun or babe. My Male friends are nice enough to call me Palaina instead of Brian, but no one makes a big deal out of it.

Keep in mind tho, even in a skirt bra and high heels if I feel threatened I still get hood real quick lol kinda like that scene in White Girls lol that's so me

Michelle,
As I have gotten older, I find comfort and convenience important in wearing what I like to wear. It's all about lingerie, nighties, skirts and pantyhose which is all within any agreed boundaries between my wife and I. My wife differs with your wife on two issues. One, while in a skirt sit with my knees together, or crossed legs. Two, when bending down in a skirt, bend at the knees as to not show off the 'goods'. In reality, she doesn't want to see my butt showing, it's not about being lady like, it's about keeping the crotch covered.

I think she wants to control the situation. She gives you a little freedom with your needs, because she loves you and don't want to loose you, but she is not comfortable with the idea of you looking like a woman and try to go further with that, like going out of the house dressed like that somewhere in the future.

Karmen...I think your right and I think she worries about the fallout of me getting caught.