Your First Time Receiving Acceptance

Hello all, just curious to hear your experiences of the first time you ever shared your secret with someone and received acceptance and/or encouragement.

When I was 20 years old I got engaged to a wonderful girl. She knew that I loved it when she wore pantyhose and indulged me by wearing them very often. Over a short period of time I confided to her that I also liked wearing hosiery myself.

I'll never forget her response. Without missing a beat, she immediately replied "Well, anytime you want to wear pantyhose, you can just help yourself to mine". Then she showed me the dresser drawer where she kept her nylons. We were together for the next 5 years and she supported my 'quirk' the entire time. Unfortunately, we ultimately parted ways due to our individual career paths and relocating to different cities.

That was my first experience sharing something about myself that was so deeply personal and embarrassing. Her acceptance was so liberating and helped me realize that my biggest secret didn't make me "damaged goods". She loved me exactly as I was.

My first acceptance was from my step nephew. I hadn't seen him very much for about 20 years as we live in different towns. I got an email out of the blue from him and responded quickly. My wife and I were traveling near his home and met him and his wife for supper at a local restaurant. Fast forward another year and he tells me he is now divorced after a 20 year marriage. Fortunately, they had no children. He confides he is bi sexual and actually misses his long time male partner who was older and had passed a while back. He also tells me that as a young guy (he's 25 years younger than me) in his teens he always wanted to have sex with me. I let him know that so long as my wife is alive that would never happen. I simply am not wired to cheat on her no matter the situation.

Anyway, due to some physical limitations of my wife, we have been in a sexless marriage for 12 years and I have played solo all these years. I discussed that with him and shared everything I do in that regard. When I started cross dressing, I also shared that with him. He tells me he'd rather "have" me in my male mode than in my female mode. I tell him it doesn't matter as it isn't likely to ever happen. LOL! Nonetheless, he has no issues with my cross dressing and his words are always very supportive.

I've had several who seemed to accept the whole me, but later threw it back in my face.

Probably the first person to totally and openly accept my Sara-ness was a girl I dated for a while. We got along great, and I could have seen a future with her except that she couldn't/wouldn't stay sober. When I finally had to say "me, or the bottle," she didn't hesitate. She chose the bottle. We parted as friends and even years later, if we spoke, she'd greet me with 'girrrl-friend'... sometimes even in embarrassing situations.
Ironically, the man she ended up marrying became a good friend of mine. He knew about me from the start, and has never had the slightest problem. So - he's the SECOND person to totally accept me.

Cecily, I told my wife early in our relationship and she is accepting. I'm so glad she is.

To degrees both my first and second wives accepted my cross dressing, at least on the surface. Maybe it was real acceptance, but definitely within narrow boundaries. When began to stray well beyond those boundaries, problems emerged.

Looking back, I suspect if I had accepted myself and been more truthful with myself about what I wanted/needed then a lot of the later tensions might have been avoided.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

Looking back, I suspect if I had accepted myself and been more truthful with myself about what I wanted/needed then a lot of the later tensions might have been avoided.

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Thank you for stating this Kim - I wanted to address this aspect of the question, and this statement gave me the way.

Only two persons in my life know of my CDing, and I have the acceptance of both. One is my wife, and for this I am eternally grateful. I cannot imagine life without her. I have spoken of the particulars of my "coming out" to her in an earlier thread. There are boundaries and compromises of course, but I accept them all.

She is, however, the second person from whom I received acceptance. The first person I received acceptance from is myself. I basically spent a lifetime not just hiding but denying my tendencies which caused much more than a little angst. When at age 69 I finally accepted myself and acted upon my impulses, I realized there would be no turning back. I came out to my wife within days, and she accepted me as well. It has not changed our relationship at all. In any case, if I had not come out to myself, I would have remained with an angry, unfulfilled part of myself, and without her acceptance would have been even worse.

So without the first, I could not have had the second. Sometimes, stuff works out!

The only acceptance I ever had was from my late mother.I came out to her when she was 82 years of age after my father died.I used to get her shopping and do odd jobs for her at least once a week. Most visits involved dressing up. The only thing she refused was to call me Debbie. I kept a wardrobe of clothes at her house until she sadly passed away last year aged 92. I still miss her and the dressing as I had to purge when her house was sold.My wife was and still is unfortunately non accepting.

To the best of my knowledge the only two people who know of my dressing are my wife and myself (with a nod to Kris for this important understanding). My wife has been quite accepting over the years and, as one of the lucky ones, I have never felt any shame or remorse for my interests - at least not since I was a kid sneaking into my mother's lingerie drawers.

For many years I was advisor to a gay/straight student group, so I'm sure that I've known many others who would have been accepting but differences in our roles in the group prevented discussion of such topics.

I told my wife before we wed, betting she?d run, but she said, ?they?re just clothes?. Pantyhose and stockings are my favorites. I?ll never forget after returning from a shopping trip, and showing me what she bought, she handed me several pairs of pantyhose, my size. I just hugged her. She?s been a great help, advisor as I progressed. I?m so fortunate.

With respect to Kris' comment (#6) I'd have too say my wife, although in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage accepted me before I accepted myself. Yes, we had "The Talk" and she said all those words most women probably said upon "The Reveal." After all those "If I had known, I would not have married you.," etc, blah, blah blah she said it would have been two faced to kick me to the curb given her sordid past that I accepted. I suppose "acceptance" does not mean "participation." Although, my wife has not fully opened up to me about her life before I met her I have pretty much have put the puzzle together. Given the picture I have a full understanding of her reluctance to participate. So, I leave it alone. I stopped trying to "push" her in the direction I wanted to go. Her "acceptance" would have been a validation of who I am.

It took me a long time to accept myself. I had to reflect back and use the "scale of life" as I call it. What did I accomplish? Other than the cross dressing who was I? I know lots of men who have accomplished what I have who are not cross dressers...or so I believe. The last sentence of the previous paragraph was the key to getting my head straight. I realized I did not need her validation or participation to affirm who I am.

I think the original post really has to do with a third party's acceptance; someone other than a wife. I see no reason to get on a roof top and scream "I like to wear women's clothing!" on occasion. That would create unnecessary angst dealing with other people's issues.

I first gained acceptance from a treasured girlfriend of many decades ago, whom I'll call "Dee." But there is a prequel to this.

My first "serious" girlfriend I'll call "Cathy." We were together for two or three years and had fun. One time we were alone together in private she said "Let's do something kinky!" and seeing an opportunity, I said "Let's dress up in one another's clothes." Unfortunately she said "Nah, I don't wanna do that."

Well, so much for that idea! I never dared to explore that avenue further with her. Being very young at the time, we eventually drifted apart, in outlook and career and geographically as well, rather like your ex-fiancee, Cecily. Cathy went out to work in Tehran for a time. Needless to say, that was before the revolution, while the Shah was still on the throne, so you can see how long ago that was. She told me drivers were crazy in Tehran. I'd love to have met up with her later in life and shared my experience of how crazy drivers are in Seoul, with all the thrill of a video game. Much of interest attaches to all that, but it's not relevant here. My point is that my first tentative attempt to explore the possibility of crossdressing with a partner met with a rebuff, which warned me to be careful.

Then after another youthful relationship or two, I lived for a few months with another girlfriend I'll call "Amy.". We too had a good time together, but like many crossdressers in the grip of wishful thinking, I was under the impression that if I was living with a woman and having regular sex, the urge to crossdress would go away. Of course, it didn't. Since I'd thrown away my entire "stash" (to my later great regret) when I moved in with Amy, I was soon into her bras and panties and her skirts, blouses and dresses whenever I got the opportunity. I couldn't resist the temptation. To make matters worse, I could tell from clues to her attitude that Amy was horrified by men she considered "unmasculine." I knew there was no way she would ever accept my crossdressing. She would have gone screaming up the wall. Amy was not "amiable" toward crossdressers/

As it happened, we split due to unrelated incompatibilities of outlook and life goals having nothing to do with crossdressing. However, this taught me a lesson: that this "thing" was not going to go away, and if I was ever going to have a permanent, lifelong marriage relationship, I would have to deal with it somehow.

So to the "acceptance" part, and my later girlfriend I'll call "Dee." I sensed she might be accepting, so I sat down and told her I enjoyed crossdressing. She knew very well I wasn't gay; we had excellent sex. She was surprised, but sympathetic to what I told her.

She did have mixed feelings about it. She was always very candid--we shared a lot of stuff--and on one occasion she said about my being a crossdresser: "I wish you weren't." And dressing didn't play a part in our sexual relationship, though I have to say she was very aware of how sexy female clothes and underwear--on a woman, that is--could be to a man, as well as how it felt to herself. On one occasion she told me "I feel so sexy in my slip." Perhaps she could identify with how I felt the same way in feminine clothing. She never asked me the "usual" questions: "Are you gay?" "Do you want to become a woman?" She knew the answer was No. Dee was intelligent and had a degree in psychology, so she may have been better informed in the first place than the majority of people about the nature of crossdressing.

With me, it wasn't just lingerie that turned me on. I always enjoyed dressing completely as a woman. I did dress in front of Dee on a few occasions, and on the first occasion she was nice enough to say she thought I had good taste in clothes. It's possible she had a notion that "transvestites" (as we were called then) liked to dress in outlandish costumes that are a caricature of womanhood, and was interested to see I just wanted to look feminine and attractive in an ordinary way. She let me wear her own clothes once or twice, even encouraged me. One time I was dressing, already in a skirt and bra, when she slipped off her pale blue silk blouse and tossed it casually over to me without a word, as if to say "Wear that." I found that gesture intensely exciting, so naturally I loved putting her blouse on. It fitted well and went nicely with my outfit.

Unfortunately the relationship didn't become permanent, for circumstantial reasons, including again the curse of geography, just like yours, Cecily: Dee and I moved apart in pursuit of different careers. Yet I have no complaints about life, since I later married another lovely woman who was even more accepting. However, I do want to say how important it is to seek, and gain, acceptance--from the right kinds of people, of course. I know that being accepted by a sympathetic partner helped a great deal toward my own self-acceptance. It was liberating. And although I've had many decades of happiness with my wife, I shall always be grateful to Dee for that.

When I told my wife 2 weeks back from our honeymoon I thought we were pretty much done. Instead she had the commen questions and then instead of freeking out she kind of had a attitude that she wanted to see where this was going. Surprisenly she didn't want me to wear her stuff and we went out the same night to get me some of my own things. After about a year she asked me why I kept apologizing to her and feeling guilty I wasn't really doing anything wrong and stop feeling guilty and enjoy it. I believe my wife enjoyed the bond, she held this secret that I never trusted anyone else with she was the only one who knew. Thirty plus years married she believes the dressing is why we have such a great relationship. Don't get me wrong it isn't all roses there has been bumps along the way, there is a line she drew in the sand and it's a small price to pay to not cross that line to enjoy something rather then none. It's to bad not everyone has the same thinking of my wife.

After reading the OP and all the other comments, what came to mind for me is; how can I achieve acceptance from others when I have not been willing to accept myself for all of these years. My personal philosophy and one I have shared with many people is the relationship between acceptance and understanding. As we gain understanding our ability to accept increases and the opposite as we learn to accept we can then begin to understand more. When I spoke to my wife again over Christmas about my dressing and specifically underdressing. I did get her acceptance with boundaries. In that she wanted nothing to do with it, I did so at my own risk, along with the other obligatory questions. Actually, that was more than I ever expected and have been very appreciative regarding that with her.

I continue to struggle with my acceptance. Over the 48 years of dressing, periods of wax and wain, and the other myriad of things that goes with this decision to cross dress, I have developed an understanding that being Jenni in whatever form I can be is a part of my life. I think now more than ever I have decided to put more effort in acceptance of Jenni. I am not totally sure what that is going to look like, but I find myself on the journey.

16 when I told my mother that I was fascinated by lingerie, I wanted to make sure I told her before she simply found out. She was accepting and supportive and she bought me a lovely satin chemise & robe set for my 18th birthday. A few years later I told her I was bi and had a boyfriend and she bought me a gorgeous bridal nightgown/negligee when I told her I was ready to be sexually active with my boyfriend.

My next door neighbor, a open minded lady of 78 is very accepting. My wife/SO is still wrapping her head around it. I will have to say that last week she bought me 10 pairs of knee high stockings she also gave me a makeup bag. I went full on as
Dee Dee.
And she looked at me without disgust and told me she was glad that in found my happy place as she straightened my dress and gave me permission to use her makeup and gave my mascara remover and told me not to get mascara on the pillow cases.. LOL I also got permission to some of her wardrobe.

I told a very close friend of mine, she's always been supportive of my choices in life's. So when I wanted to come out to a few people in my close circle she was the first one I told. And she was very supportive. She's even sent me ideas of things to buy and when I show her how I look in them she is very encouraging about it.

My two daughters accepted me the most. My wife would come next, I told her early on she tried early and then went full crazy on it. Has years went on she realized crossdressing was a very big part of me and she has become more accepting. I don't blame her; she still shows the crazy side now and then it has to be hard on a wife of a crossdresser. I have only told one friend who based on her position on many tropics, I felt I could share my secret she was very accepting then totally stopped calling and fell out of my life. :sad:

My wife knew before we were married.

My wife of 15 years accepted it a long time ago but I was still kind of freaked out that she was so cool about it. We we recently moved to a new home and I think the stress kicked off my urges again. I've bought 4 dresses, a skirt set, skinny ankle jeans, an off shoulder top, 3 pairs of heels and some flats. I wore the skirt a couple of days ago and she didn't bat an eye. So it's really about me accepting myself in front of her. I think that is slowly happening now.