A return of sorts...

Felt like sharing in a "safe space"...been a minute since I've been on the forums. For clarity sake I'm pretty much just throwing this out here to get it out of my system/head, so thank you all for humoring me in advance.

So I got to be "Becca" a couple of weeks ago with my wife while our child was staying the night at a grandparent's house...it was the first time I'd been able to be her, around her, makeup and all, in probably 6+ months. Positives/negatives of having a kid and being 95% closeted is 100% related to how frequently the kid is out of the house...so as summer vacation loomed and my WFH off camera en femme days were numbered, being able to be fully Becca for almost 10 hours was amazing

I generally don't do makeup for the obvious reasons...but I do think my skills are improving. It's amusing because my wife says I "need practice", but she has also openly noted that me dressing up doesn't really do anything for her. I appreciate that she's given me leeway to explore that side of myself...and I do generally consider myself to be more "fluid" than simply a crossdresser (not intending to offend anyone with that, btw...no malice implied).

You may have noticed I put "Becca" in quotes...I've been growing a little conflicted about it, and I frankly don't know if I like it but...like...it wasn't given to me or anything, so I could always change it. At the same time, I'm not in love with my given name either and have pretty much spent my entire life just accepting that that is my name. With my wife being generally laissez faire about the whole of it, the idea of trying to involve her in naming my femme persona (even though it's kind of what I would want) is incredibly daunting...especially so since she "isn't into it" and would probably err on the side of calling me by my actual name anyway. Perhaps this is a bridge I'll cross next time we're allowed a childless evening...but I wouldn't even know how to start the conversation. I am incredibly timid (I guess from being deep in the closet?) when femme...so the whole thing feels like an incredibly uphill battle. She had asked me once if I had a name for "her" and I lied and told her no (to this day, the only remaining lie on this front...baby steps, I suppose). I have shared before (granted I've been MIA for over a year) that she is incredibly supportive and non-judgemental...it's just a me thing.

Anyway...again, thank you for humoring me. Hope you're all having a fantastic day. Apologies in advance to the mods if I've accidentally word-vomited in an incorrect place...I've had a tendency to skim rules and get in trouble in the past :\

I had the advantage of being named Kim on my birth certificate, so I never had to think about picking a name. In your age, perhaps if the subject comes up again, just ask your wife if she has any suggestions.

Oh yeah the old name question. Since you are picking choose something you like. Something you would like to hear a lot. It is a little strange at first when others start using it I will warn you about that.
Are you looking to be more gender fluid as in back and forth or more fluid like nonbianary type appearance? Perhaps pick a name that works for both. Since you don't like your given name. Just as a suggestion.

Becca , have you given any consideration to identifying yourself as "gender fluid/non-binary" to your wife? It's possible that would be easier for her to accept than "crossdresser" . I only say this because it seemed to work that way with my late wife. Your results may vary, of course.

Jennifer & April,

...so...I guess I should elaborate on the fluidity point.

I am not openly fluid as far as anyone outside of my wife and a handful of others are concerned and it is not a major part of my identity (at least not outwardly)...so the idea of a full on name change is just not practical in my 40s.

For the sake of clarity she is aware of all of this but it's not a primary topic of discussion or a concern for that matter, the "femme name" is just a passing thought. Nobody knows me as Becca outside of the forum and I'm by no means married to it...but further I don't actively *hate* my given name...it just is my name. ...and I guess to a degree it just feels weird choosing your own name. Does that make sense?

It's weird, I generally consider myself a creative...but I guess this is harder because this isn't a character, it's me...

In retrospect I think, as hard as it will probably be for me to broach the subject, I probably ought to go with Kim's suggestion and outright ask her.

In the past I've come to you fine ladies for advice and the advice that has worked best is to be honest with her. I need to get over my bullshit, because unlike many of you I am lucky enough to have a wife who is non-judgmental and accepting...and I really should lean into that more.

Thanks all!

Call it a potahto or a potayto. It tastes exactly the same.:heehee:

It strikes me funny the way some folks get all worked over a NAME!:eek:

As if Bob had been named Fred his life would have been completely different!:devil:

And if Woopee Goldberg had married Peter Cushing (the film actor) she would have become Woopee Cushing (think cushion for this ) lol so there you go