Setback

Just needed to share my most recent failure to make progress.

Lately, I'd begun to believe that my lovely wife was slightly loosening up on her hard-line boundaries when it comes to my dressing.

Apparently, I was wrong.

A while ago, she brought out a pair of sandals she had, saying that they didn't fit right and she was going to donate them - unless I wanted them. Well, they do look nice and I definitely did want them. So - she donated them to me, but commented that they were "pretty feminine" and I shouldn't be wearing them out anywhere. That was fine with me, and I reserved them for trips into the back yard or the shop area in the garage.

Well - yesterday was one such occasion, but I didn't immediately take them back off when I came back inside. I was dressed fully drab on the outside EXCEPT for the sandals, and I made the comment that I'd found a use for them.

Her immediate response was "They're freaking me out." So, of course, I took them off in respect for her feelings.

But let me say this:
I can hang around the house in things like a short pink nightie, fuzzy bathrobe, and slippers without any issue at all.
But if I wear a these sandals with regular male clothes - even for only a couple minutes, it freaks her out?

I just don't get it.

I guess it's a reminder that the boundary walls of what she's willing to put up with, haven't moved at all.
<sigh>

SaraLin, I'm sorry that your wife freaked about the sandals. Perhaps your wife sees the dressing as binary (either male or female) and doesn't want the male side working in the yard wearing female clothing/shoes. Also, perhaps you were outside where she feared you would be seen by others.

Its impossible see someone else's imaginary walls, but so easy to stumble into them.

SaraLin, Sorry to hear this but I think it is not unusual for our wives to change their minds, sometimes from day to day.
Hopefully tomorrow is another day and things swing back some. We are so fortunate to have this site to share and support each other.
Good luck girl!!

It could be the contrast between the "pretty feminine" sandals and the otherwise male clothing was the trigger. The dichotomy might have been hard to handle.
Try reserving them for when you wear something else a bit more feminine like crop pants or something.

Hey, if my wife accepted me wearing a pink nightie around the house, I'd be jumping for joy. Sounds like she does not want you to mix the clothing; it's either male or female. The temperatures are warm in Florida. Wear them with your pink nightie while sipping your morning coffee on the back patio.

The only other thing I could offer is that maybe she just doesn't like those sandals and doesn't like seeing them.... anywhere, even on you. It seems like it could be she's just changed her mind...as suggested in the other responses. We cd'ers get to change our minds; maybe we just need to be more understanding when our SO's change their minds?

Since it appears these sandals are a trigger for her, the simple solution is to get rid of the sandals so as to not continually heighten her angst regarding your dressing.

I also agree with that, PaulaJeanette.

Thanks,
Linda

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Originally Posted by Crissy 107

SaraLin, Sorry to hear this but I think it is not unusual for our wives to change their minds, sometimes from day to day.

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It's may not be a shifting change of mind; but it might bes a signal that the mind has remained unchanged and that the assumed spousal tolerance we hear of so often is barely concealed rage. Rose-colored glasses will only get you so far. YMMV.

I agree with PaulaJeanette also - I think its something about the sandals themselves. She was going to donate them and not see them again, and probably hoped, without saying so, not to see them again on you either. She also indicated that she didn't want you to wear them out anywhere - but even though you did not wear them out of your own premises, she still saw you with them on, and that's what she had trouble with.

If you like the sandals you can keep them, just be sure you don't wear them around her at any time.

My ex-wife responded similarly at times, in this way.

If I was all dressed up for a Halloween or costume party, she was OK. But if I mimicked any female mannerisms, like tossing my hair, she got upset.

Apropos of this thread, if I wore a pair of fitted womens jeans, or a female shirt (ie buttons reversed) or any sort of footwear that was at all feminine, she tended to freak out. The idea of wearing a female costume was OK, but acting in a way that was feminine really felt threatening to her.

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Originally Posted by alwayshave

Also, perhaps you were outside where she feared you would be seen by others.

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Not likely. This is the same woman who, when I realized I hadn't taken the trash out and was now in a nightie, said "So? If anyone sees you, they'll just think it's an ugly woman."
Talk about your mixed messages...

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Originally Posted by Cheryl T

Try reserving them for when you wear something else a bit more feminine like crop pants or something.

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Any "daytime" feminine wear that would be appropriate to wear sandals with - it strictly in the "H*** NO" category, and that would definitely include crop pants.
Hmmm - maybe that's the problem. She sees the sandals as DAY wear, and thus beyond what's OK.
Thank you for triggering that thought.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

Wear them with your pink nightie while sipping your morning coffee on the back patio.

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No back patio here - and the front porch is a little TOO public for that to ever be OK.


And to the rest of you fine ladies who have taken the time to respond, I really do appreciate your thoughts and your support.
Thank you one and all!

BY THE WAY:
The reason that I took the sandals out of the closet in the first place was so that I wouldn't have to keep dragging my regular "guy" pair back and forth between the front and back doors and forgetting where I left them. I guess I'll put them back into hiding and maybe get myself a pair of something "appropriate" for the backyard.:sigh:

I get it. Men wearing sandals (any sandals) freek me out too. Worse? socks with sandals.

I think it is the clash between male and female that upsets folks. They really want to see one side of the binary or the other.
I'm sure I ran into this a short petite guy. I wasn't masculine enough to be on the guy side of the binary. This made it tough to socialize.
But, having an hourglass figure, painted nails, and long hair makes it super easy to be on the feminine side.
Because everything "matches" everyone at work seems OK, even those one might guess may have issues.

Marion

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Originally Posted by Taylor186

I get it. Men wearing sandals (any sandals) freek me out too. Worse? socks with sandals.

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Socks with sandals? <shudder> I'm not senile yet!
The wife doesn't mind my male sandals - in fact, she's the one who encouraged me to get them.

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Originally Posted by Maid_Marion

I think it is the clash between male and female that upsets folks. They really want to see one side of the binary or the other.

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Several of you have suggested this, and I thought "maybe", but then I realized that I can be dressed fully drab, but barefoot (we don't wear shoes in the house). If my feet get cold, I'll slip into my <fem> fuzzy slippers without any comments or complaints from my wife. So once again, I'm drawn back to the "day" vs. "night' wear theory.

Yes, I could just ask her, but I know that I'll just only get the "just because" answer. She isn't the introspective type and doesn't stop to question her feelings. She just goes with them.

I have put the offending sandals back in the closet.