Rambling on about my Life
After a very busy summer, life is finally back to a more manageable routine and I find myself with the time to post an update on my life. Some of you, who like me have visited this site for some years now, will recall my first posts with awkward questions about transitioning because, at that point, I was still deep in the closet and knew very little about how to go about making these changes in my life. In time, after having read about many of your experiences, both happy and sometimes sad to the point of bringing me to tears, I made the decision that this was a journey I needed to pursue also, for better or for worse. I vividly remember the first day on hormones and the happiness I experienced the following months as changes began to appear, both physical and psychological. Then last September I began to work full time as Sara, and pretty much started to live full time as Sara from that point forward. At the time I was so nervous about the first impression that I would make on my colleagues that I asked for your advice on how to dress, behave etc. that first day of work. The work day went wonderful and both my managers and colleagues, bar none, have been amazing and I have loved going to work ever since. I then actively started the painstaking process of legally changing both my name and gender designation on all my identification. It took a few months but ultimately I had a new passport, drivers license, credit cards, etc. all designating me as Sara, a woman. This past June, my office required me to travel to the UK on business. It would be the first time travelling on a new passport with a new identity. After having read some of your stories about travelling as women I will admit I had significant concerns. Sure I had a passport designating me as such but how would I be treated going through airport security and how would the people in the UK react to me. I was there to meet colleagues from the UK, US, Australia and New Zealand. How would they feel about working with a transgender woman. All these concerns ran through my mind prior to my trip and I talked about them here at the time. Talking with you about these issues helped keep me grounded and able to face the anxiety I felt at the time. Ultimately, I need not have worried as there were zero issues at the airports and the people, both on the streets in the UK, as well as all the people from the different nations, with whom I would be working were all exceptional. The subject of my being transgender never even came up and I was just Sara from Canada to them.
This August we went on our own family vacation to both Italy and Greece. It involved eight separate flights, and while things had gone well in the UK, I was quite anxious again this time especially since both Italy and Greece are very Catholic nations and there seemed to me a lot of animosity towards transgender people by the Catholic church at the time. Again I need not have worried. There were no issues, either at the airports or with any of the people we crossed paths during the entire trip which included a visit to the Vatican. I was treated respectfully, as Sara, the entire time by everyone we met. On returning to Canada I had an appointment with my psychiatrist at which time I was informed that I was now officially on the waitlist for GRS surgery. I was thrilled and now can look forward to another big step forward to occur within a year. This past week I, furthermore, had an appointment with my surgeon for BA surgery and was told that this would also be happening, likely within the next six months. So very exciting but perhaps a bit scary and anxious days ahead in the next twelve months for me.
I am telling you all this, not to boast about how wonderful everything is going in my life, but to hopefully encourage some of you who are just starting this journey, just today I read about another member here just beginning her journey with HRT, that there are also good stories about people transitioning and not only sad stories. Sadly, all too often, I read heartbreaking stories of women here losing their loved ones, being treated disrespectfully by others, encountering obstacles at every turn in their journey and, well, sometimes having made me wonder if ultimately this is a journey that could ever be worth being on. I too have family members who were/are not too keen about my transition and I have lost one childhood friend. But for the most part my family and friends have come around and are supportive, most importantly my wife and children.
To those of you who are further along the path on your journey I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for having told your stories and often providing advice to those of us still unsure about our paths in life. You were a huge help in allowing me to weigh the positives and negatives and then to chart my own path in life. To those who are just contemplating this journey, in my experience, there will be days where you will feel on top of the world but inevitably there will also be days where you will struggle with your decisions. There will be days, like my first day of work as Sara, where you will be scared and anxious like never before and days where in certain moments you will wish that you could just magically be swallowed by the ground. Such a day, by the way, happened to me this summer when at a restaurant with my family, my dad, when asked by the waitress how everything was, turned to her and told her how much we were all loving our meals then pointing at me over his shoulder added "especially my son he just loved the meal he ordered and said it was the best stirfry he had ever had". At the time I was sitting right beside my father at the restaurant - in a dress and heels (it was a fancy restaurant where that was appropriate). My dad was mortified moments later when he realized what he had said but the damage was done and I wished at that moment that I could just be swallowed up by the ground. Fortunately the waitress just smiled and left it at that. Anyways I am rambling now so its time to end this post. All the best to all of you here at this forum whether you are still contemplating this journey, are already somewhere on its path, or have completed the journey and are living your lives as the person you've always dreamt of. I apologize for this long post and for rambling on.
