Printable View
I may not be going at the pace I would desire but I am finding that the changes I once believed impossible are slowly coming to pass....but these chabges as welcome as they are do not seem to quench the ache inside...I have started to suspect that my dysphoria..?...is deeper than my gender ....have others found these feelings..?
Hi JessicaJane,
an ache inside - in the heart or where? I've met a lot of people with aches due to what some might call the soul, to missing one's true archetype, i'd suggest exploring inside the ache. :-)
JessicaJane,
Do you feel the problem is you are becomming impatient with ther progress rather than your dysphoria ?
The stages we go through can't come soon enough on occasions , the problem is doubt starts to creep in and we question the steps we are taking . I know the period between putting my house on the market and me actually walking out the front door for the last time knowing I was about to start a new life felt like an eternity .
Dysphoria can almost be like a living thing and I remember early in my transition, it's fight back took many forms including self doubt.
Have you discussed this ache with your therapist?
Transitioning turns the focus inward toward the self as a physical transition but the actual transition is that and everything else as well.
I cannot think of one facet or aspect of life it does not touch
Perhaps this ache is your understanding of the absence of that which is more than the physical transition but yet what is conditioned (conditional) on transitioning.
It cannot be describe because it cannot be experienced so remains sensed but yet not known.
If this is true than I suspect all human beings experience this ache in some form or another
There is so much emphasis put on the physical aspects of transitioning that other aspects may get overlooked or reduced in importance. IMHO, the importance and critical nature of social transitioning is underrated. By social transitioning, I am referring to how you feel you fit into the world and how you interact with the world. Has anything changed for you in this regard? Do you have new or different friends? Do you engage in different activities or interests? Are your interactions with those around you, acquaintances and strangers, noticeably different? Do you see some things in a different way? If nothing has changed much, this may be part of the ache you are feeling. You see some physical changes, but you are not feeling or experiencing changes beyond the physical, and it feels incomplete.
I somehow managed to successfully navigate through a social transition (my own assessment). While I was very lucky and fortunate in many ways, it also took awareness and continuous effort. I believe if this did not occur, I would have struggled with the overall transition process even if the physical changes were everything I hoped for. So in addition to the physical changes, you also have to manage the emotional and social changes. I think all three are necessary to complete the transition journey and maintain balance.