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Why do I continually wish I was a cute girl but don't feel like a transsexual? If I could snap my fingers and become one of the girls I see, I would do it. I feel like I've been cheated since I am not one of them. But, I don't feel I am supposed to be a woman. I don't desire to be "me" in a woman's body. Anyone feel this way? What does it mean to you?
When you say you don't desire to be "you" in a woman's body, do you mean if you were being aware that you were once male and are now a woman? The only way that could ever be is if you were "reborn" as a girl and had no recollection of ever being a male. To me, this sounds like something that should be discussed with a gender therapist. Actually, snapping your fingers and becoming one of the girls you "see" would automatically remove "you" in the transformation, because you would become "them", whoever that is.
I think a lot of us have had this "fantasy", for lack of a better word. I wouldn't mind being "me", though. I think it would be OK to still be me but just be in a different body.
Your title suggests you wish to be a girl, but then you say you don't feel like you don't want to be in a woman's body.
TS tends to be more of the wish to be of the opposite sex, and would qualify almost by definition.
I think if I was a transsexual I would HAVE to be a woman no matter what I looked like, etc. So, why do I desire to physically be the cute girls I see?
Everyone is envious of healthy, attractive young women. They represent fertility and life to our culture. But if you actually were one, you would find out they are just as unhappy and insecure as the rest of humanity.
Being happy being yourself is the real key to happiness, whoever that "self" happens to be. :)
Don't you feel like one of those cute girls when your dressed?
From what your have said you fall under the pink and blue umbrella of gender differences. As stated in an earlier post, a gender therapist will help you discover who you are.
Bobbi
Well what if you were offered the chance to be a frumpy plain girl? If you're TS you'd say yes. If it's no well.................
But remember even less attractive women wish they were cute girls.
I don't think anyone (guy, girl, TS, CD, etc...) wishes to be an ugly example of their preferred gender.
Hi Amanda.
IMHO from what you have said in your post you sound more TG/CD than TG/TS. I cannot speak for our TS folks here but from what I have read and insight gleaned through my own therapy, being TS brings an unbridled need to correct one's birth sex in order to function in the world (e.g., I was suppose to be a girl not a boy). From your post I get you are happy as a guy but from time to time would like to be a girl. When I first started therapy my biggest confusion was that I wanted to be a girl (in my mind). I explored this with my therapist and she asked me one day to describe my feelings when I see a woman out and about. So I recalled one time when I was waiting in line at a gas station and there was a 30-something woman finishing up pumping her gas. She was dressed in a skirt, leggings, boots and jacket. She finished up and walked over to pay. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her and not in that "guy checking out a girl kind of way". My therapist asked me point blank did I want to be that girl. More specifically, did I feel as though I could not function in this simple task (pumping gas) unless the world viewed me and I viewed myself as a woman? I had to think and then said "no". So the next line of questioning went to why I was so enamoured with this woman? After a game of twenty questions we discovered while I did not want to be a woman (e.g., change my sex) I wanted the ability to dress as she did, express myself as she did - essentially be that pretty woman at the gas pumps. In essence, I wanted to be a boy who dressed as a girl (TG/CD) not a boy who wanted to be a girl (TG/TS).
As I have explored Isha in public, I have found inner peace with this desire to express this side of me. So now from time to time I get to be the pretty girl (okay that may be a stretch :)) at the gas pumps and for me that feels right.
Hugs
Isha
not really. TS is not the desire to be the other sex, it is knowing that you already are but your body doesn't match.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badwolf
Isha, I think you just saved me thousands in therapy fees! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Isha
Seriously, though, do you have thoughts of modifying your body, even just slightly, to appear more femme? Although I want to go back and forth, I wish my hips and waist weren't so box like.
I will just add to what Angela said, cause she is always one step ahead of me.
The absence of GD, or the all encompassing NEED to make body match mind seems to be missing here. IMHO, once the need arises, you'll know it. In the meantime, enjoy being able to be whomever you want.
^this. virtually all of us see female lives through rose colored glasses, also, in hindsight. GG's growing up have incredibly complicated lives, and to them, it's never all good. Even the really beautiful ones have problems, and being that beautiful is often a hell of a lot of work, not to mention being hated by a good percentage of her peers just because she does look that good, and for no other reason. Guys simply don't feel that way about other guys; if we hate another guy, it's because of something he's done, done to us, or how he treats us, not because he's more attractive to girls. At least that's been my experience. Girls have very difficult social lives. We usually only see the up side. Real female relationships with other females are, well, just nuts.Quote:
Originally Posted by JessM.
I thought of that. But then I remembered back in high school, virtually all of the girls were attractive to me; normal bodies, normal hair, normal faces. I'm not talking about what is average today; today, obese and horrible hair styles is considered normal. Back then, sure, some were exceptionally good looking, but even the plain janes were pretty. I had to go back and look in my yearbook; and yeah, I would have been quite willing to have been any of all but three of the 250 girls in my graduating class. But trading in a life as a sub par looking guy to become a truly ugly girl? What would be the point? Misery in a female body is no better than misery in a male one. At least normal people have a normal chance of meeting a mate. Truly ugly people have about the same chance as a crossdresser has; slim to none.Quote:
Originally Posted by mariehart
I mentioned it because I asked myself that very question, if you like a kind of self test of my commitment. The key thing here is not whether you want to look like a woman but whether you want to interact with other people as a woman and live as a woman with all the compromises that entails. Indeed many post op girls really don't pass that well and are not cute. But that's not the point. It's the need to be true to your inner self.
Having said all that I am content that much as I'd like to be a cute girl. It's a bit late for me now. As it is I bear a strong resemblance to a couple of sisters and my Mother. All of whom remain good looking as they aged. I'd settle for that.
I dunno :thinking: I always wanted to be a famous race car driver or a music star or rich. Being envious of a young gir's body and wishing to be her is one thing. Wanting to be A girl is different. You are fantasizing
I hear all of you. I totally relate about the girl at the gas pump, except I'd like to have her body too, not just "pass" like she does. But that's not going to happen with today's technology, and I'm not selling my soul, lol. I think you all have helped me see that this is more CD-related than Ts-related. I do have transient TS feelings, but they go away. Not enough to act on. If I could just stop this jealousy-train I am on. I have these thoughts everyday. It's tiring and frustrating. Maybe it's cause I have kids at home and can rarely dress? Maybe I need more girl time.
The dating site, OKCupid, did a statistical analysis of how often women get attention (messages) from men based on their attractiveness. It is not surprising to see that the most attractive women get four times as many messages as average-looking women, and twenty-five times as many messages as women who are not attractive.Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaM
http://www.businessinsider.com/surpr...-an-ugly-one-1
So basically, for most people a desire to be attractive is specifically motivated by a need to be appreciated by the opposite sex. I do think this instinct resides in our reptilian brain.
This makes sense to me - if I were stranded on an island with just women, I wouldn't care how I looked. But living in a mostly heterosexual world, an attractiveness quotient is a predictor of successful mating possibilities.
The question then remains, why would a heterosexual crossdresser want to be an attractive (vs. an average or not-attractive) woman, when he is not attracted to men? I think the answer lies in the fact that hetero crossdressers are turned on (initially when it starts out being sexual) by the thought of BEING an attractive woman more than wanting to attract men. It begins as a sexual thing and since CDers are indeed men who on average are more attracted to attractive women than average or non-attractive women, they desire to be the person they are most attracted to. This desire is different than any reason that a woman might want to be attractive.
On the other hand, the larger consideration for TSs is to have their bodies match their internal gender and remove as many male cues as possible, more than anything else.
:2c:
Reine, I don't know if I'd call it a sexual thing. I might call it an attraction thing. I've been a CDer since about four years old. And I remember being enamored with beautiful women back then. But they didn't necessarily turn me on. I remember a little girl next door my age at about 4-5. She was very pretty and wore the prettiest clothes. I remember wanting to be like her. I've always been "different" than other guys. Some gays "hover" around me cause they sense something, I have to deflect them. I have some feminine qualities or behaviors that make them think I'm gay or bi, I guess. Best I can say is I'm in-between genders. Maybe that makes me a non-op TS, a true transvestite, certainly not just a guy who likes to CD, yet not enough pull to make me a transsexual. Like I said before, maybe these jealousy feelings dog me everyday cause I can't dress except every couple of months.
I guess I'll take the contrarian view here. You sound pretty trans to me, Amanda - you just haven't come out to yourself. Contrary to popular belief, coming out to yourself is the hardest person you'll ever come out to.
Wanting to be a woman is a pretty normal feeling if you really are one inside, and just aren't able to admit it yet. There's plenty of pressure in your life to stay a man. I won't kid you - transition is harder than anything you've ever faced and harder than anything you can imagine.
Whether or not it's worth it depends on how miserable you are as a man.
Of course whether you are really a man or a woman inside, or something in between, only you can figure out, maybe with a little help from a gender therapist.
But my guess, fwiw worth, is that you are more than just a CD.
If I may ask, just what exactly *is* a non-op TS, and how do you distinguish it from other TSs?Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaM
And what does *this* have to do with anything at all as it relates to whether you are TS?Quote:
Some gays "hover" around me cause they sense something, I have to deflect them.
Assuming by "gays" that you are referring to gay men, why would they hover around you? I mean, to my knowledge, gay men are attracted to other men, not MtF TSs.
With all due respect Paula, if you are basing your opinion and your written response solely upon the substance of the information presented within this thread by Amanda, I think that is extremely reckless and irresponsible of you. Life is already difficult enough for most folk as it is. No need to throw such fodder on the fire and potentially complicate things further when there is little, if any factual basis for doing so.Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaQ
@Amanda - If you have real concerns about your gender identity, or are suffering from gender dysphoria, you should seek out the advice and counsel of a qualified gender therapist to help assist you to work through your issues (whatever they may be).
Oh yeah, that's me - reckless and irresponsible Paula. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2345
Why is what I said worse than saying "meh, you're just a cross dresser?"
BTW, I didn't say she needed to transition. I said "you sound pretty trans to me." She started CDing at 5, it's non-sexual. This is not a typical profile for a CD. She may well be something else, and I think suggesting professional help was entirely appropriate. Although apparently that didn't come across - I think she should discuss this with a gender therapist. However, ultimately, it's up to her - it's her identity. I can't tell her who she really is anymore than you can, nor anyone else.
Meaning feminine traits that may be taken as gay markers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2345
I can dream I am, but in actuality I am an old fat guy in feminine cloths. but hey I don't look in a mirror often. LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by Lucy Long Legs
Kymmie