Thoughts on a long drive home

After a while without being able to go out dressed up, I took the time to go to the local support group in my state. It was great to see everyone again but on the way home I just started going in the downward spiral of poor self image, not feeling good about how I look despite the compliments I received, how little I could really be myself, and how many of the friends that know that I'm transgender are so far away. I started to feel alone and getting pretty depressed. You want to know what brought me out of it? My radio. Sara Bareilles - Brave came on. I'm sure I've heard it before but never really listened to the words until this point. What really got me was the part "I just want to see you be brave." It caused me to tear up and start crying. Then Pink- Perfect came on after with this part "If you, ever ever feel, like your nothing, you are perfect, to me" causing me to sob in my car. There I was, crying, getting out the bottled up emotions I've been holding onto and then the next song came on, Kristina Perri's 1000 years. The song that my wife and I danced to at our wedding. Did you ever get the sense that the radio knew how you were feeling and was purposely playing these songs to make you feel better? Well, with the last song I felt the last of the sadness wash away to the feeling of hope. My hope and determination to be happy returned and I felt that all of my problems were things that I could overcome and not as bad as I thought they were. You might be wondering why I'm sharing all of this. Yeah, I have soft spot for pop music ;) but what does this have to do with the transgender community? For me as assigned male at birth, I was taught to bottle up my feelings but after lots of therapy I've learned that this only creates more problems. It's sometimes hard to unlearn. My point is that it hurts a whole lot more when you bottle things up then when you say what is really bothering you. Getting support from people you love and care about can be very important as well. I know I would be so much worse off if I hadn't started going to therapy, come out to friends, found a support group, and started opening up to my wife about my emotions. I hope that if you are still reading this that you make sure you take time to get in touch with your emotions and express them in a healthy way either by telling a friend you trust or even a therapist that you like and encourages you to be who you are. This ends the public service announcement. This in itself was cathartic for me to write. I have to go now, my cat is trying really hard to get some attention. <3

that is fantastic, yes, happens all the time, when i'm in the flow, everything is synchronistic and the radio just gives the right messages!
way to go!!!

I cant tell you how many times that has happened to me.
Katy Perry's Firework doe sit to me. :daydreaming:

Support from loved ones is great, if you can get it.
They usually do not understand me though. :straightface:

Nice that you got to get out to the support group though, :thumbsup:

Girl, there is nothing like music to bring you out of yourself, funny how some songs feel like they where written just for me, proves a lot of us share the same feelings about a lot of stuff.
It can be a very lonely world at times, but we have to remember, we are still in the pioneer stage, scattered a cross the landscape, each holding down the fort as best we can hoping for a relief wagon train filled with like minded people to fill the vast void. But our population is growing, and in time their will be enough of us girls out in the open so that it won't be so lonely any more.
Oh, and Ryce, I just wish I presented as pretty as you do, you look real nice, and I love you stockings!

Great words of advice!

I found it was easier to be hurtful to others when I was feeling hurt, or crude or uncaring or uninterested in others problems because it meant I didn't have to expose myself or actually face my own issues, I regret how I acted and apologised to my friends for ever falling foul of my attitude. Because of that I gained the notoriety of being 'the loveable asshole' which helped to keep my mind off myself but since I've come out to my friends the first thing they say is " what, really, you?!! But your nothing like that" to which I've to say well exactly.

I suppose it's that old trope that bullies bully for a reason.

Thanks for sharing Ryce!
Looking great!
Love those heels!
Bottling up emotions, like you said, is really never good at all.
Thanks for sharing.
:)

I wish I could have made it last night as I would have liked to see everyone. Had that bigger conflict. But if you ever need to call or need to go out Ryce, give me a ring. Having a song come up is great, I was just talking with someone that got turned around at the right moment by a Facebook post. But you can't count on them always being there. :hugs:

Thanks for all of your support. I just hit a low point last night which happens sometimes. It can be hard to be comfortable in your own skin sometimes when what you imagine in your head isn't necessarily how you see yourself in the mirror.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sue

But if you ever need to call or need to go out Ryce, give me a ring.

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But Sue, How can I take time away from our local Super heroine/champion? :hugs: I appreciate it a lot. We have to get dinner next time in SLC.

Yes! That is a date!