Do you need a name?

I have just come out/been discovered by my wife, and things are different for bot of us. Different in a generally good way, though. She has been amazing, and very strong. I feel worthy of being loved unconditionally, for the first time, ever.

That said, I did sign on with a name on this forum. it's a name I used on Second Life, one that was more or less generated by computer, and it became my femme personna. But SL was something I hid from my wife, part of the deception that hurt her so much, and something she was suspicious of. For a long time she thought I was a sexual deviant who was trolling other sites to engage in sexual encounters with others, outside our marriage. Imagine her relief when she found out all I did was wear womens clothing, and the SL avatar was my repressed femme side in digital form!

My point is, I have a name, this name, but it comes with baggage; baggage I would like to shed. My wife asked me if I needed a name, and I think I do. I tried to tell her it's not that I want to be a woman everyday, but that I enjoy portraying a feminine side, passing is part of it, and so is having a name for my femme side. I don't want to choose a new name that has connotations or references to women I know or that my wife knows of. Do we all need a name for our femme self? and how did you choose? MK

You are very lucky to have a supportive & understanding wife.

Not everyone needs a second name for their femme side. However I think since you already have one you want to be rid of, you need to come up with something new.

My first thought would be if you can use a variant of your actual first or middle names that you feel would suit you. Mine is Daniel, so I came up with Daniela, but now like Dani more.

Or you can think of something you just really like. A former friend who meant a lot to you (even if not romantic). You could ask your wife to think of a few names & give reasons for them.

Good luck!! You have a great journey ahead with a wonderful co-pilot!

You really do not need a name. Look at some of the names here that mean nothing to others but do mean something to the person using it. I wanted a name to be used when I am out and and to be used with my new friends. I chose one that I wouldn't forget and that felt comfortable to me. Since at the present time I do not want to be a woman, but rather just dressed as one, the name is just part of my illusion to myself and to others. So pick a name, a handle, words, or numbers and letters that make sense to you and are easy to remember and to type when you log into the site. Good luck and enjoy your time here and also enjoy your new open life with your wife.

I'd draw a lot of attention if I called myself Steven :heehee:

No, you don't need a fem name, but I think it's nice to have one. I didn't know what to do for a name for quite a long time. Then one day I was on a long drive and trying to improve my voice. As I tried talking I found myself saying "Hi I'm Sarah." I have no idea where it came from, but it's been with me for 12 to 15 years now and I still like it when someone calls me by that name.

I need a name; I have no idea if you need one.

I am huge fan of the English language and I know that names and things we refer to as "labels" are usually nice shorthand ways of referring to concepts that can be fairly complicated. Just imagine how long it would take you convey the concept of "universe" if you did not have a nice, short word.

And, so, I use "Cathy" to refer to all that is feminine in me when I am dressed. It's a lot better than "That old, tall, overweight guy in the dress."

I chose my feminine name because it is somewhat similiar to my male name and I think it fits me. I believe I am more comfortable with a seperate name when I present as female because I try and keep the two parts of me from ever crossing lines. I suppose I could have chose a name like Brian but the female name fits so much better.
When my wife learned of my female name (after I told her) I think is when it hurt her the most because it all came to the realization to her that this was much bigger than she had anticipated it too be.

I got tired of "Hey! Youse...yeah youse in the wig...c'mere" so I shortened it to Lori.

You don't need a name for your feminine self. You know who you are.

I only chose this because everyone else had one :)

I only really stay in so the only names I get are from my loving wife. I don't think of myself as a Christina when dressed, though I do know I have a lot of feminine within.

Hubby says he never thought to have a femme name until registering for this forum. He saw that most here had femme names, so thought of a name kind of off the cuff. After a couple of days interacting with others, he really wasn't 'feeling it', so he changed it to something he was more comfortable with.

So no, not every one needs or wants a name for their femme self.

When my niece found out about me, she asked if I had a feminine name. I told her what it was (a variation of my given name), She said nobody gets to name themselves when they are born, so why should I for my fem side. Made sense to her, so I told her to have at it. She opted for my moms (mom knew) middle name as my first and and her first for my middle. Then she chose my grandmothers maiden name for my last. So... my niece is happy and my wife is not unhappy. "What's in a name" anyway?

Many schemes to finding your femme name.
Feminize your male name, something exotic, a woman you admired, many plans.

One good one is if you can find out what your name would nave been if you were born a girl. For me, Nicole. Yes I asked. Yes mom knows of "her" very well.

I think the best way to go about it is to pick something practical if you are going to be intro'ing yourself by the femme name. Even if you are not TS, but a CD who will only use it now and then - just pick something age and maybe personality appropriate that you don't feel weird being called. Many people know me as Erin. Lately I feel weird when someone calls me by his name (Even tho it is a popular good name for a male)
You CAN change the femme name at will but then people might be like "Hello Jenny or Tina or what is your newest name?" So when you start intro'ing yourself by your femme name, make sure it is one you have settled on.

Don't rush on a femme name. You will know when you have found the right one. Somehow it just feels right.

We know that sometimes names (man or woman) seem to imply a personality.
Just my opinions -
John, Bernard or Paul is like the big tough guy. Sean is the crazy guy. Steve is the happy guy you cannot help smiling around. Johnny is the kid you are afraid to fight after school.
Angel is no "angel". Nicole is the generaly cool chick who sometimes has this really bitchy streak. Brandi is the bubbly lady.

It's almost like your birth name determines your personality in a lot of ways.
But since the femme name will be decided by yourself, just think of who you truely are, and think "what woman name fits my age and personality?"

Most important, have fun with deciding. Don't treat it like a chore.

Tho I am Nicole as a first name, I use my femme middle name.
Erin

I've had several names. There is a reason and story behind every one of them(kind of like many Native Americans). My real name is unpronouncable though, so I just choose what I feel fits me at any particular time.:)

Since your wife is supportive, why not ask her to give you a name or at least, make a suggestion?
This way, she will not have any suspicions as to why you chose a particular name.

I'm glad you have an understanding wife. You should sit down with her and pick out a name together. You have already said you have nothing to hide, let her be a part of this side of you.

I was leaning that way, about having my wife help choose, but at this point, although she is on many levels fully supportive, there are things that still are jolting her into this new reality. She knows I have shoes and a wig, but she isn't ready to see them yet. She did offer to help me do makeup, as a way of helping me with tips, and helping us 'share' this. But for her, a name seems to bring a concrete-ness to the whole thing that right now, she wants to accept as an idea, and absorb gradually, like bits of smoke. A name may be pushing her too hard, too fast. But I would love her to be able to refer to my stuff as "X's skirt, or sweater set" or even someday call me by that name. But for her right now its a sensitive issue, and we are trying to take the advice of everyone so far and go really slow. Like I said, I never anticipated there would be so much 'stuff' in a name. Looks like Shakespeare was wrong, girls. MK

I choose my fem name from a female I respected, and wanted to be like: Samantha Jones from sex and the city ;)

I find it appropriate to use my male name feminized, Teri Jean vs Terry Gene. Because your wife is so supportive it may be fun to have her pick one out for you as she may see a personality trait that brings something to mind and she can accept. Now if is "dumb sh**" you may want to rethink that approach, LOL. Congrats and have fun.

Teri

Certainly a challenge but a great opportunity, too. I chose my name after being fully dressed and taking a full length picture of myself. When I looked at it, I was stunned how much I look like my younger sister Barb. I took that name for now, though there may be some freudian explanation, too. As I come out to all, I am taking another name; one that will signify that I am and that I am femme.:battingeyelashes:

Good luck and I hope my spouse will be as understanding and supportive as yours is for you.

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Originally Posted by MarinaKirax

Do we all need a name for our femme self? and how did you choose? MK

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I don't think of myself as having a split personality, one femme and one homme. I'm me, all of me, together. I'm no less me when I'm dressed to the nines in women's clothes than I am me when dressed in a tuxedo for a wedding. I long resisted the notion of having a femme name for myself because of this.

A while back, my wife and I decided it would be a good idea for me to have a femme name. She never addresses me as that name, and I never address myself as that. We created it for convenience sake, so we could reference crossdressing when shopping or in other settings without creating a stir or risking outing. We chose "Julie" just randomly.

Hi! I'm Tina.

I'm not him. I have different opinions, different likes, different favorite activities and am even different handed!

My gf ("his" wife) recognised this two days after we first met as girlfriends (which was the first time I was ever en femme, btw). I'm the feminine part of our life and just as I don't want to have a deep male voice when everything else about me screams "girl" I don't want to share his name. I'm not HIM! It is much easier for them to converse about me when they exist as husband and wife, and I can talk about HIM with my gf! I'm so different from him in so many ways and that needs to be acknowledged.

As far as picking a name, the agreement was that he would send his wife a list of names he found interesting and if one of those worked for her it would be agreed. If not she would give a list and he would see if one worked, to be continued until they agreed. The first list included Tina and here I am. I immediately generated an e-mail address for me so that we could converse on line without any question about who was doing the talking!

Maybe for others the same name works, especially if there isn't a considered difference between being en femme or not, but for me the whole idea is to explore the femininity which is me! That femininity needs a label beyond "hey you" and it works incredibly well for us!

Good luck and I'm glad the two of you are working this out together!

tina

I gave myself the name Joanie back in the late 1970s, after a girl in high school whom I admired from a distance but never talked to. Until recently, I used my given last name when I refered to myself with a full name.

Last winter, I discovered feminization hypnosis recordings on the Internet. (Collecting hypnosis recordings is a hobby of mine.) One of the CDs I bought is called "Vixen," and the instructions from the hypnotist was to use that as your name to make the transformation more effective. If you already had a name, it was suggested to use Vixen as the last name. So for a while, I was "Joanie Vixen."

In the last ten+ years, I have become interested in spirituality and practice meditation under an Indian mystic. Most of the people who help out in his organization are women and many have been given spiritual names, usually after Hindu goddesses. I have become enamored with the goddess aspect and had been wanting a Hindu name. I liked both Parvati and Shakti and couldn't decide on which to use. So I decided on Parvati (Shiva's wife) for my middle name and Shakti (the goddess essence in us all) as my last name. Vixen has been demoted to a nickname.

I don't go out in public, so have no need for a female name. This is just for my enjoyment and to help embrace my female half and the goddess side of me. But I do enjoy being refered to by the name Joanie by the couple of GG girls online who know about her. I'm single, but if I had a wife/girlfriend who shared my secret and I didn't already have this name I like, I would love it if she named me.