Printable View
Hi,
I'm a CD, but have been wondering if I've been suppressing a deeper desire to transition. Yes I should consider therapy. But I've been wondering for those that have transitioned if their sexual preference changed? I know that gender and sexuality are two different things, but I am curious.
The general consensus seems to be that if you are a straight male before transition, you are likely to still prefer girls after. Of course, if you fully transition, and still date girls, that pretty much makes you a lesbian. If you were bi or gay before, even if you were hiding/repressing it, you probably still are, after transition.
In my own experience, I knew I was bi before transition, and generally preferred female partners. But by choice I stuck to girls, and repressed my attraction for some males. I was deeply in the closet, monogamous in a straight marriage for 30 years, had a kid, and was not even considering my feminine impulses impacting my reality until I was into my 50’s. I did not open up to exploring my gender identity or true sexuality until my parents and wife had all passed away.
When I started going out as a woman, that repression evaporated, and I felt much more comfortable accepting amorous attention from males (though I was always careful to make sure they accepted and understood that I was pre-op trans). What I found was that “men were okay, and definitely on the menu”, but that I still preferred women. I ended up socializing with a lot of lesbians, who saw the woman in me and accepted me as ‘one of them’ long before I was certain of my own transition becoming full time.
Today, legally female, 8 months into HRT and on track for full top and bottom medical transition, I remain much more open to dating women rather than men, but if the right man was interested in dating me, and fully accepted me, that would be fine. I consider myself primarily a lesbian woman, and am comfortable with the public seeing me as such.
Ceera,
Thanks so much for your reply. I am very attracted to women, and the feminine form. But I wonder how much suppression there is from societal and cultural pressure and conditioning? I could also see myself attracted to a very feminine male, ie another CD or TS. And I don't think the body parts matter as much; I have even fantasized about having sex as a woman. Oh, it's all so complicated.
Happygirl
Your experiences or desires are not uncommon.
To answer with my experience:
I start as a bisexual, but then I noticed the pleasure of wearing lingerie while having sex with guys so went to be a bisexual crossdresser.
That was the confession yo my wife.
Around 2 years after that, with realization that I've been transitioning for years I start with hormones.
Hormones produced big changes in me.
One was the change on sexual preferences.
I don't know if my case is common but all the memories of things I did with guys began to result very uncomfortable to the point o reject everything and just have sex with my wife which is very pleasurable, kind of lesbian sex because of the femenine elements in my body as bigger boobs and other areas more sensitive now.
I'm pretty sure now, I would not go with a man but my transitio has no end and may be having a vagina things would change.
So nobody knows all the implicancies that hormones and other things can have.
Hi Happy,
I would like to address this question of yours, "those that have transitioned if their sexual preference changed?".I won't rule anything out when it comes to nature as all species adapt to changing conditions over time. So, when it comes to someone anywhere on the Transgender spectrum (umbrella term), I believe if one starts to accept themselves for whatever they are, they tend to open their mind up to other things. Maybe a CD who finally accepts themselves as a good person also opens up their minds to better accept and accept transsexualsa for who tyhey are. We are always fighting our own battles and sometimes fail to see and understand others battles with life and even just existing. They can also learn to accept that everyone has the right to exist as themselves including our brothers, sisters and others in the LGBTQ+ spectrum. They realize so what if someone else is gay, and so what if I might want to experiment with or join them. When we remove our own personal barriers, who knows what else we might happily discover and learn to enjoy about ourselves? Same for transitioning or transitioned TS's. Live life, enjoy life and be happy.
Transitioning and more specifically, hormones, don’t change a person’s sexual orientation. If that were true, anti-LGBT groups would promote the use of hormones to “cure” gays and lesbians. But they don’t do that.
Your sexual preference will stay the same before and after transition.
Mireya, I respect your opinion and comments would I be an exception to that rule that sexual orientation doesn't change with hormones?
Could it be then turn or shift because I have my own experience about and it was well explained to me for my therapist, btw is a trasgender too, so I haven't changed my sexual orientation or preferences but I lived a huge change in that area just with hormones...
I feel that I ought to reply to this thread as I am almost five months post op. I only share my personal experience and would not make standards for anyone else. I also am learning that life is wild and even more wild that we can imagine, so why try and predict the future?
Some background first. From my earliest childhood I struggled with my gender. As a boy I was attracted to girls, but had this desire of being a girl myself. I believe my attraction was both at once sexual and gender identification with girls. I fantasized being a woman having sex, but had zero attraction to men as a youth. I met my wife at 22, she has been my only sexual partner for close to fifty years now.
As I began my transition two years ago I noticed a change. I have been on HRT for 1 1/2 years, have had FFS and SRS, my body now is more female than male. Especially after SRS I have been more attracted to the possibility of sex with a man. I have even had dreams about it.
So has my sexuallity changed? One could say no, that I was not gay as a man and I am not gay as a woman either. My sex changed. So while I was born a transgender person with a male sexuality and a female gender identity, I am now a complete woman with a unified sexual and gender identity. This all so new to me, I am just thinking out loud, and insight from others is welcome.
Vanessa, I don’t know you well enough, so I can’t say much about your sexual orientation. Except that you said you were bisexual to begin with, so maybe you just had a shift in your preferences within your already static bisexual orientation? I don’t know.
What I do know is that sexual orientation does not change. It has been proven countless times that you can’t make a gay man into a straight man with conversion therapy, or religious pressure, or hormones, or anything else. They were born that way and nobody can change that. Same goes for lesbian women. And of course for straight men and women too - you can’t convert someone who is a heterosexual into a gay man or lesbian. In this modern age, we all know this, and we all accept this as established fact. I don’t see why transgender people are any different. Just like any other human beings, our sexual orientation does not change either.
I agree with you Mirya. I also believe that finally admitting and accepting that we are trans can open up new experiences for us, including same sex intimacy. It is not the hormones but rather a subconscious thing that makes those new experiences easier rather than culturally taboo.
I’ve had more female partners than male but even those relationships that were over all pretty good were sexually unfulfilling. In my private fantasies I was always a girl with a guy.
I never tried to have sex with a guy until after I transitioned, I wouldn’t have wanted to, I’m not a gay man nor am I attracted to gay men. I’m a hetero woman who’s attracted to hetero men.
I had a boyfriend within a year of starting transition. I tried dating another trans girl for awhile. We were very emotionally attached but the minute we had a falling out I’d go flirt with guys at one of 2 venues I felt reasonably safe in.
I moved so that relationship ended. I met the man who was to become my husband about 6 months after moving but I was on a campaign! Paid off.
��
I don’t think my sexuality changed at all, it would have been impossible for me to have what I needed before I transitioned so I made do and generally preferred the company of women anyway so dating them was easy enough but sex was boring at best and downright suicidally depressing at its worst.
preference not changed, but interest from "too high" to zero, which is great for me!
Tomorrow is the start of 7th month on HT! Like Pamela, no change in preference but zero interest! More like asexual at this point! Hugs Lana Mae
Love girls, always loved girls, never anything but girls. I've had plenty of free opportunity for sex with males. And have never been interested. Almost 2 years into HT and sex with my wife is better than it's ever been. I'm of the opinion that orientation does not change but opinions on what is acceptable does.