There but for the Grace of God go I...

Well, ladies, when I joined this site, I was a "simple crossdresser".

The last two years have been hell.

Finally last month I spent an entire month in a monastery trying to wrap my head around who I am. My wife sent me a provocative e-mail at the beginning of the month urging me to stop trying to fool myself, be what I have the right to be, and get on with it.

Today I told her that I will begin transitioning to reveal in body, what I am in reality, a woman. This means the end of the marriage likely, or as she puts it, it may become an unconventional marriage with long period apart.

I am 61 years old, and to put it mildly I am scared witless.

However i have one bedrock of support. My youngest child (age 25) is also a transgender woman. We are a living breathing datum that there is a genetic component to this condition! She is behind me 110% as I am with her.

Last fall I got my hormone letter. I asked my GP for an endo referral but that seems to have fallen through the bureaucratic cracks. My no. 1 priority is to get on HRT as soon as possible. My other immediate priorities are laser, pierced ears, and a top-quality wig. Ultimately, yes, I will be seeking gender-affirming surgery.

It's going to be a wild ride I think...

Jean, best wishes and congratulations both on your realization, and the start of what will be an amazing journey. My oldest (23) is a transgender woman, and I have loved and supported her from the moment she told me. You will discover support in unexpected places, and new friends along the way. Scared is good ... it means you are alive, loved, and have empathy for others. Use that to fuel your awesomeness. It will be wild ... and it will be worth it. Good on you! Many hugs from me.

Jean,
We seem to have a lot in common. I just turned 60, been in therapy for the last year and have the visit with an endocrinologist in April. My wife is agreeing with the dr visit. She is not so agreeable to the rest of what I do. Very difficult.
I know I will probably not transition 100%, but then again life throws me curve balls all the time and need to hit them hard.

Private message me and we can chat. There are plenty of ladies here that will provide support and advice. I just want to be a friend.

Heidi

Welcome to the club Jean. You are in for a ride, difficult, scary, confusing and sometimes unexpectedly very depressing for some of us, and very happy too. I truly started about 5 years ago at 68. I had trouble with those closest to me, which is very common. I call it the NIMBY syndrome (Not In My Back Yard)! They accept others but not necessarily nor as readily as those closest to them. I am back on talking and visiting terms with my daughter who was the hardest, in a decent relationship with my ex-wife who I love as a sister, and my similarly reluctant son. I love who I am and where I am at, and am very happy.

This is a good site to start with and read a lot of experiences of other members. Another good site, which is also well monitored like this one, with much more detail and separate sections that will probably be of keen interest for you is Susan's Place (susans.org). There you can better learn about hormones, hair removal, FFS, BA voice surgery, gcs, and other things. I read this and that site every day and evening.

You are lucky to have an understanding and, I think, supporting wife who may become a strong allie through your transition. Be patient and realize that this is a journey and not a competition nor race. Go at your own speed and try as much as possible to enjoy the ride. Mental attitude is very important, so definitely look for help here, there and from professionals when needed. We and they can help you a lot and truly confirm that there is a bright light at the end of this tunnel that is well worth reaching, wherever that may be for you, the full trip or somewhere in between. It is your life and live it as best and as fully as you can. Give both your daughter and wife a hug from us as we wish you the very best and may most of your journey be over newly paved roads!

Allie

Thanks, ladies, for the warm welcome to this part of the forum!

I want to add something about my long-suffering wife. When she said I should pursue my dream, she added after "without me". She is *not* supportive beyond not making too big a fuss about separation and splitting of finances. For support, all she is willing to do is ensure I'm included in family events, co-parent, and behave civilly. We may try a non-conventional means of remaining "married" at least on paper, but it's really up to her. I'd be thrilled if we could stay together as companions or "sisters" of sorts... but not optimistic.

It's a hard realization, but it is also SO relieving. I accepted myself earlier this year, fortunately my wife has been exceedingly supportive.

Depending on where you are you should be able to find an "informed consent" provider, no letter or referral needed to start your journey.
If there is a planned parenthood near you, most locations offer it and on a sliding scale.

Well finally some good news on this bumpy road. I figured it would be MONTHS before getting an endo appointment. Well my family doc came through and e-mailed a referral to the endo clinic, and this morning I got a call from the clinic: they have a cancellation this week so Thursday at 9h20 I have my first endo appointment. The only hassle is that a major snowstorm is forecast and I'm 100 km away. I'm probably going to book a cheap hotel room and overnight in the city just to be safe.

I'm aware that the first appointment will be a consult and he'll order up some blood tests to sort the medication, but at least now it will be only a few weeks before I start instead of a few months. At 61, every day counts.

Wendi you're so right, when I finally came out, I realized I'll never have to lie, sneak around or be frustrated anymore. I can be who I am: a woman (for me, "transgender" is a phase, not an identity. The identity is "woman").

Good for you Jean! Someone up there was thinking about you. You may want to check out the blood labs near your doctor's office, or call them and ask where they are. That way you can walk out of the appointment with your lab work order and have it done the same day. Less hassle and you may get your follow up appointment sooner. Good luck and drive carefully.

Allie

Thanks Allie, the endo clinic is just across the street from one of Montreal's two largest teaching hospitals, so I imagine I'll be sent across the street for the lab work. Yeah that's the part of the world I live in, near Montreal, home to what was recently Canada's only gender surgery centre. Bottom surgery is covered by medicare here, other cosmetic procedures aren't.

I booked a budget hotel a couple of blocks from the clinic, I'll be able to leave my car there and walk to my appointment.

Jean, I'm really happy for you. Please don't see age as something that could limit you.
I'm on the month 23rd of HRT and for sure you can find some ladies here that got into at a later age.
I can see that you're well informed of the common ways to do the things ut, please count on my support because I'm willing to answer personal questions if you need.
I was a christian minister, strong believer of the marriage (or the need of the company of a partner) and feel sad when many of us got for granted that wives will not cooperate. For me, if there's love, both can do concessions to keep the union. I believe that life for a transgender in transition is hard without a company and my experience ce has taught me that transition doesn't end with bottom surgery, as some often see it, but with a constant evolution and adaptation to this new life. For a person thatived as a man for 60 years, the change will ha e big challenges and of course deceptions that are needed for the learning process but being alone can be a hard life.


Can I send you a personal message?

Devi

Thanks Devi, for the kind words.

Yes by all means send me a Private Message!

I booked an appointment with a high-quality wig shop today, for next week, so another step on the road.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JeanTG

Wendi you're so right, when I finally came out, I realized I'll never have to lie, sneak around or be frustrated anymore. I can be who I am: a woman (for me, "transgender" is a phase, not an identity. The identity is "woman").

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I see that you are in Canada, so this probably doesn't apply to you but others may benefit.
Try to find an independent lab. The one I used charged $200 for lab work with a doctors Rx (normally $300). That is way cheaper than any lab work I could have gotten thru insurance.
It definitely pays to call around, don't assume your insurance is the cheapest route for Dr's, Labs or even prescriptions.

Wow you USA gals have it rough. All my lab work is covered by the Qu?bec health insurance plan. As are all my medical appointments. My bottom surgery will be covered as well, but cosmetic procedures aren't (laser, electrolysis, breast augmentation, FFS). The only exception is electrolysis of the genitals necessary to create hair-free donor material for the neo-vagina. But now I read that the surgeons that I'm likely to end up with no longer require it, they cauterize the hairs during the surgery itself.

Some of us older USA gals on Medicare can actually have it very good. I have Medicare and a MediGap Plan F supplement and I have not had any out of pocket transitioning costs so far except for my early therapy sessions to get on HRT because I chose not to submit those bills for reimbursement, which I could have done. I have my HRT, follow up medical visits to monitor my Trans health, my BA and, I anticipate for my FFS done this past January, all covered.

Well big day yesterday. Went to a pro wig shop for a wig fitting; then some clothes shopping. Since I last bought jeans I've dropped about 25 lbs, so they fit rather poorly. Bought two new pairs, down two sizes, fit is now amazing without being too tight. Also a top an a couple of t-shirts, and some dressier pants for going out on cold winter days. Even being misgendered in my new wig at a coffee shop didn't faze me. After all that I had a therapist appointment.

Since the situation at home is fairly toxic I also moved a spare bed into my study. Both my wife and I now sleep much better. But we need to find a permanent solution (i.e. I move out and move to the city).

I had a bit of a downer... doubt episode when I woke this morning, but it seems to have passed; my bit worry is loneliness. Next week I get to tell my sons.

Hi Jean,
I just want to say all the very best on the journey ahead of you. As some of the other ladies have described, it is a roller coaster ride with many ups and many downs but ultimately it will hopefully leave you at a happier place. Having recently come out at the other end of the journey that you are now beginning I can say with certainty that for me it has been well worth it and I am so much happier than I have ever been. That said there were also many challenges along the way. Being Canadian, I also ended up in Montreal last September for my surgery. That was probably the most intense experience of my life but the doctors, nurses, and all the staff were amazing and we are very lucky in Canada to have this facility. If you have any questions as you journey to becoming the woman that you dream of, feel free to ask me questions. Its a bit different here in Canada, in terms of the bureaucracy, than in the US or the UK and having just been through it all I feel uniquely qualified to answer questions pertaining through the processes in Canada. Of course there may be minor differences from province to province. For example in British Columbia, where I live, I had to have a hormone readiness assessment completed by a psychologist before I could see an endocrinologist about starting HRT. I understand that may not be the case for all provinces. Anyways I wish you all the best on the journey ahead.

Hi Jean, The other girls are so right. It's a wild and crazy roller coaster ride! I'm on my 3rd year of HRT and have changes that I anticipated and some that I didn't anticipate.

I don't want to get into details, so pleas PM me and we can talk privately.

Update: yesterday I came out to my two sons. The younger one is going to need some time to process the revelation. My oldest son was terrific! In the reveal I apologized for the times I was aloof, or had anger/road rage issues, etc. He said "don't be so hard on yourself, you had a heavy load to carry on your shoulders". My trans daughter was present for moral support, and he told both of us how proud he was of us and our courage. You can imagine how emotional and relieved I felt. My younger son joined the conversation via FaceTime as he lives across the continent. I told his older brother that I was worried that while on the surface he was polite, he appeared somewhat shaken by the news and might be having some trouble processing it. He replied "don't worry, I will talk to him and reassure him" (as brothers they have been close).

Anyway it was a big relief to have that off my chest!

Jean, I am proud of you! That was a big step and often uncertain! I know that it is such a relief when it is all over! Congrats on your bravery! Hugs Lana Mae