Ive been helping him dress.

So since my last post I've been helping him (my boyfriend)dress more and do makeup and buy clothes and we've been bonding a lot over it. The only thing is I feel like now he feels so free and open with me that he wants to dress whenever we're alone all the time and sometimes I just want a normal night without dressing and being sexual in the bedroom. How do I tell him to take it easy some nights without hurting his feeling or making him feel like he has to hide things again.

All I can say is he is very lucky to have a supportive partner like you. I wish I had that. I feel alone with this. Why not just nicely explain to him how you feel. He will probably be more understanding than you think.

Say although you enjoy the time with him dressed you would also like time without him dressed. I made that same mistake with my ex and told my current gf if it to much or there is even just one night you don't want me to be dressed even if I am tell me. To make sure I am not over doing it with her. He will more then likely understand.

Kudos for your acceptance and support of him Meli22. I'll suggest that sometimes an "ask" works better than a "tell." We have been known to get so wrapped up in ourselves, that we become overly sensitive to statements from those around us. A gently but clearly worded request is frequently better received and understood.


Karen

hi meli,
do what you are comfortable with doing and let them know the boundaries,
also feel you will get better advise in the loved one forum as this is intros so maybe ask a moderator to move it for you....

also try here....
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...f#faq_gg_forum

For any relationship to work well, it is essential that you each of you to be honest and open. Gently explain to him how you feel and why. This is a situation that cries out for compromise.

hi, Meli, and welcome...I wouldn't stress too much about it. Some of your boyfriend's over indulgence is probably just "pink fog", the liberation of finally being able to share his crossdressing with someone.Of course you should make your own desires known to him, but be patient, over time he will probably find an equilibrium.

Meli,
You have a right to ask if he gives it a rest sometimes or just tones it down. The problem is if you don't the whole situation could get out of hand and ruin your relationship anyway, also you may eventually think you don't fit into the equation . At the moment it's fun for both of you, but moderation is the key .

Gently tell him what you have told us!! He is now like a kid in a candy store!! He will slow down!! Keep the lines of communication and mutual trust open and everything should be fine!! You are a gem!! Best wishes going forward!! Hugs Lana Mae

Any and all relationships, personal, interpersonal, business, ~ any relationships need and require boundaries and limits.

Trouble is setting and defining those boundaries and limits, ~ which is where COMMUNICATION comes in, which oftentimes requires coming back to the negation tables from time as each individuals / parties wants, needs and desires change.

That is to say that which worked yesterday, today, may not apply down the road.

What I've seen happen for many years of frequenting the forum is that significant others will try their best to be supportive at first, and be going strong for quite a while then eventually the resentment and sometimes even hate of "her" sets in. This happens for two reasons:

1.) Having to hide who you are then finding someone supportive is the emotional equivalent of crawling across a desert dehydrated then having someone hand you a gatorade. For a little while all you want to do is focus on drinking in what you have been denied so long, and it becomes very easy to be self-centered.

2.) The person's wife or girlfriend wants so badly to be supportive that she puts this before her own needs. The emotional turmoil often builds up until one day she can't take it anymore, and they end up having a conversation that blind-sides him, because he was in that self-centered stage.

The answer to this is communication early and often. Never lose sight of how you have needs too, and he needs to keep that in mind as well.

Hi Meli

Welcome :hugs: I went through this with my OH, it's called 'pink fog'... they get so wrapped up in themselves, you want to take a rolled up newspaper and smack them upside the head with it! Just tell him what you've written here and sooner rather than later. Violet is right, you can be over supportive and then when you think it's getting too much and say something, the resentment kicks in... so talk to him now about it :hugs: if he doesn't take it so well.... rolled up newspaper :slap:

:D

I think the answer to your question is the same as the answer to many or most of the questions here. You just have to be open and honest. Obviously, you guys are pretty open if you've gotten as far as you have, so don't be afraid to let him know how you feel. I most likely is, as has been mentioned, the pink fog. He's simply become so excited by finally being able to fully explore what has been for so long a hidden deep dark secret that he's gotten a bit obsessed. He's forgotten to think about the rest of the aspects of his life including how his dressing impacts you. He's likely not intentionally taking advantage of you, in fact he probably doesn't even realize that you fell the way you do. Right now, it's just "this is so cool, my girlfriend is totally getting into this with me".

All you can do is be honest about your feelings and you have every right to expect him to handle that maturely just as you've handled his dressing.

BTW, I think it's great that you posted this here rather than the loved ones forum as I think you'll get some unique perspectives here that you wouldn't get on that forum.

Be blunt. "I support your need to crossdress occasionally, but I want an intimate relationship with a man, not a woman."

Hi Meli,

I think the best advise here has been provided by Violet. The desert analogy is a very good one when describing how CDs can (and usually:devil: ) react. The insight on how supporting partners put their needs on the back burner, only to meltdown later due to being overwhelmed... is also very much on point. It's unfortunate, as I think a lot of DADT situations are borne from these type of pink fog instances, when really there was no bad intent by either party.

I think the key here, for you, in my opinion... is getting the lines of communication open (quickly) and bringing him back down to Earth. That way you can say... "Hey this is cool and we can have fun with this... but we need to slow down (not stop). I miss my husband and need him too".

Honest and open dialogue. Respect for each other's needs. That's the key for two partners trying to make this work.

Communication is very important in a relationship so I think you should tell him just what you told us.

How often are the two of you alone together? If it's just every two weeks or so and that's the only time he has to dress, that may be why he wants to dress every time he sees you. If you two live together or see each other several times a week, he should be able to be "your man" as often as you want him to.