Hang on in there ...

Some comfort, perhaps, for those thinking about telling their signficant other: as they say, it does get easier over time.

I'm not a regular on this site but found it incredibly useful last year when I was questioning my feelings and trying to piece my life together again after telling my wife about my particular sartorial preferences.

It's taken time but my wife has been very understanding about the situation. I won't lie and say it's been easy; it's been horrendous. I hit rock bottom before things turned around and at one point I wasn't sure if there was a way out. The cross dressing was only part of a much wider range of issues.

Things are much better now, although it has taken time. Initially it was just getting through each day, one at a time.

I'm not going to say that my wife is now fine with everything. She's understandably deeply hurt by a number of years of lying and no matter how much I reassure her about how far I want/don't want to go, I don't think she believes what I tell her. Whilst accepting, she still doesn't understand why I want to do what I want to do but will often poke fun at what I do or will joke about me simply giving it up.

However, I now have a drawer that has my things in; items get washed and put back without much being said.

I choose when I want to wear something. Most of the time, I don't feel the need. But having freedom rather than feeling that I have to make the most of opportunities (in the house by myself etc) is just so much nicer. She wondered if part of it was the illicit thrill of not getting caught. It isn't and I'm so happy not to be worried about when she walks in the house and having to rush to the toilet to make excuses.

Yet I'm still not comfortable at putting things on in front of her - I still tend to do it when she's out of room out of respect and also my embarrasment - but she doesn't recoil when she realises I'm underdressing.

I'm in a really good place at the moment so really the purpose of this post is to say thanks to everyone on here with kind words of advice (whether directly or indirectly).

Also, for those thinking about coming out, hopefully my situation will give your some confidence that it will be better and all you have to do is hang on in there ....

I hope u follow your own advice, Michael? U sound like someone ice skating on an ice flow that's breaking up!:straightface:

This is such a common topic around here. It does look like judging from some of your older posts, that you are making progress. It appears though that you, like myself and many others, hid your CD for a long time so as to maintain your marriage, only to find that you, unable to keep up the ruse any longer, created damage from the secrecy, sneaking...almost like having an affair. A vicious cycle. It will take time to restore that trust, but it looks like you are on your way. The best news is that maintaining your marriage is important to you, if it wasn't you would not be going to these lengths to maintain it.
You have also mentioned that you find CDing therapeutic, but your wife doesn't accept it at all. You have done counseling, but has she? It would seem part of the solution would be to help her understand and accept your CD, rather than you give it up, which would probably hurt you psychologically. Perhaps you can suggest this if you have not already.

I went back and read your original post of revealing your cross dressing to your wife. I am happy it has been working out for you in the sense your marriage did not implode. I think that is the biggest fear husbands have; kicked out the door. I think marriages with an otherwise firm foundation can survive. However, they are forever changed. After the reveal a husband really does not know what his wife is thinking, does he?

I got lucky with my Fianc?. When I was dating I was up front with the girl after a couple of dates. It was far easier to have that as a make or break moment. My fianc? is 100% ok with me. She even buys me things. The barrier for me to become full time is my friends and family.

Amy - I am with you about going full-time, or at least when I am not at work. I really don't think my friends or family would understand this at all. I think that is because they have known me for many years and have a mindset about me. I have read other posts in other threads where someone has gone shopping at Neiman Marcus and made friends with some GG's that work there. I think if I were to make friends with someone as a CDer they would have to be strangers to me and their opinion of me is as a CDer, not just the person who is the guy version of me. I would sure like to meet someone like some of the people you all know. Someone who would accept me for who I am without judging me because I choose to CD. From what I've read here, there are people out there like that but the problem is my lack of trust with people is preventing me from opening up. This is why I like this site, it provides me with a way to talk with someone about this. Thanks to everyone here for being here and especially Kris who has personally PM'd me and has helped me start talking with people openly about this. You all are great! Thanks.

I know what you mean about being nervous to dress at times in front of her.
It was that way with me when I first came out fully to her. I was afraid of her reaction and allowed her to see me in my full outfit and makeup but not in the stages before that.

It took some time to become relaxed with the entire process, but now it's just 2 women dressing. Whether I'm donning my lingerie, putting on stockings or doing my makeup she has been there. She also helps in some cases if I'm having difficulty with my eye makeup or choosing what shade of hosiery to wear. It's all good now, it just takes time getting used to the process.

Time is not making things better with my wife. Or at least not the last 14 years worth. Not in the crossdressing front nor on the trust front. She is still struggling with both. We both are struggling with both.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I got lucky with my Fianc?. When I was dating I was up front with the girl after a couple of dates. It was far easier to have that as a make or break moment. My fianc? is 100% ok with me. She even buys me things. The barrier for me to become full time is my friends and family.

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This is such an interesting response, and I have been pondering since you wrote it! It's kind of like the longer you know someone,the way in which you know someone - close friend, brother, sister, parent, child - or the longer you keep it a secret, the harder it becomes to "come out". I guess we perceive that because these folks know us in a particular way, we fear they will not be able to handle our "secret". From my own experience, I came out to my wife soon after I began to CD earnestly - she absolutely needed to know. I cannot imagine coming out to my kids, even though they are full grown adults! I'm not concerned, they don't need to know right now, but maybe they will eventually...so I've got to be ready.

Still, who among us does not have aspects of their life they do not want anyone to know? At least the "secret" that folks like us keep harms absolutely no one, not even ourselves - and in many cases actually helps us. Not everyone can say that. If you were to come out to these folks, who would you be helping, them or you? Either way, it could be valid, for the sake of your own peace of mind,to come out or not.

Michael, I'm glad things are getting better for you.