The next contact after.

Has anyone worried about the next time they contacted someone they had just come out to. A few weeks ago I had my sister over to tell her about my dressing, and as told in my thread here, everything went much better than I thought it would. I was very nervous leading up to that meeting but, I found, I was almost as nervous the next time I phoned her. I was thinking things like, had I told too much too soon, did time to think it over make her change her mind etc,. I am so lucky. We just carried on from where we finished last time. We talked about women's clothes as it was the most normal thing in the world. It has brought us closer together and she says she is benefiting from the experience as much as I am. I am so lucky and there is still more to come.

I think that's a natural worry, Georgina. I get a little concerned about the same once I come out to some close friends. After all, there's always the chance that acceptance = faux-acceptance. I suppose my one fear is that more than 24 hours passes after I come out, especially since I speak with the friends I have in mind often multiple times a day.
OTOH -- now that I think about it -- if the above happens, I must be patient, too. I have to remind myself that my friends have been "patient" in the sense that they've waited for me to be fully transparent with them (as, admittedly, they have with me) for decades. I really do owe them that.

its easy to read too much into it.My sister knows and w've been out together a couple of times. But last night I asked about her availability for a dinner together next month and I didn't hear back from her. So tonight I panic texted her asking if we were alright ands just responded saying, "yeah, of course...I was just checking my availability that night." I always tend to assume the worst. It's kind of a character flaw

Ya, I have told two good friends, one is still a friend, the other, I believe the term is ghosted me. The hard part is remembering that your friend, while accepting, probably doesn’t want to hear about every step you are taking on your gender journey. Sharing is good, sharing too much is not as good.

Yes, u r, Georgina! When I told my sister she was so happy! Told me, "You're the sister I never had!":hugs:

However, since she never wears make up, wears mostly horseback riding attire, and never goes out anywhere at nite? As sisters we have less in common than we do as brother and sister!:doh:

About 3 weeks ago I had the talk with my sister. Still not fully sure about how she is taking it. For the next 5 weeks we are the same age. 78. neither of us are spring chickens. My sister's first question was when did you start. The second or third question was "Did you ever wear any of my stuff?" To that question I answered, "when I really started, you had already left the house for collage and then marriage."
I guess since I was a "late/slow to start" person, I missed some of the problems some of you have encountered.

Most of us have very deep seated shame and guilt and our brain is accustomed to thinking that way. It takes awhile for that to change as it requires some re-wiring in various parts of the brain and that takes some time to accomplish. So when we come out to someone we have this expectation of being shunned. The good part is that an affirmative acceptance of our difference initiates the process - positive feedback has a profound effect on erasing that fear of rejection.

So it is only natural to worry about what the person you told is REALLY thinking. Starting another conversation raises the fear factor just as it has always done. But another bit of positive feedback reinforces the first bit of positive feedback. Takes a while for those negative expectations we have to go away because our expectation of the whole thing going sideways continues to act even though it is being erased.

Same process happens with going out in public but each time you do it it gets more comfortable when you see people are not running away or diving behind the bushes. You are fine, Georgina. Just be careful to not overwhelm your sister with this - you are really still her brother and remember she has to make some adjustments just like you. Full acceptance is not automatic. That takes time.

No, I can't say that I worried about their reaction the next time we met.
If I had enough confidence to tell them in the first place then I had enough fortitude to withstand whatever may happen afterwards.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Christie ann

The hard part is remembering that your friend, while accepting, probably doesn?t want to hear about every step you are taking on your gender journey. Sharing is good, sharing too much is not as good.

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I think this gem of wisdom is so easy to forget since many of us SO want to talk about CD'ing to close friends/family. I think that, oft times, it inevitably comes off as narcissistic to some. The balance that Christie Ann hints at is what I'd like to have, even though I want to flood a friend with TONS of detail.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GretchenM

Starting another conversation raises the fear factor just as it has always done. But another bit of positive feedback reinforces the first bit of positive feedback

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Love your wisdom, too, Gretchen! It's a clich?, but I do have to remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day; instead, it grew brick by proverbial brick. I'll try to remember that I need to be patient so that the cement dries the right way.

I haven't had any success telling someone that I'm a crossdresser. Straight people either gently get me out of their life, my mom pretended that I never told her, my sister blocks it out, and the gay people at work that I've admitted it to, tell me to try being gay, and date men. Turned out just because they're gay, doesn't mean that they're enlightened to other people's lives.