Soothing Gender Dysphoria

I just started another thread about gender dysphoria triggers. As a “companion?” thread, I’m interested to learn what others do to calm their GD. One reason that I wear panties is to settle my gender dysphoria. On “bad” days I “need” more feminine panties — floral patterns, etc., or want to try to underdress with a bra. Sometimes having a dress-up session helps — sometimes this makes my GD worse because of the temporary nature of it, and taking the clothes off. Also, sometimes virtual window shopping on the internet helps. I will fill my virtual shopping cart with all the clothes I want — then just not fill the order. What about you? What do you do when you have the GD blues? Nancy

Once I let myself be the girl that I feel natural being, and go out to be with people and interact in normal situations, shopping , art classes, etc- poof! no more dysphoria. Since my wife is unaccepting, at home I am constantly navigating and censoring my feelings and behavior, and my resolution is that whenever she leaves the house, I stay home, and dress up and enter my world to enjoy myself as fully as possible. I try on my outfits in various combos, take videos of myself talking about how I feel, and do chores. It is a patch, but if I fully do it, then I know myself, and don't mind changing so I can be different for my wife- who is really unnerved by seeing me as a girl. And I do want to cherish her- so it is the same motivation as a wife dressing in more conservative clothes for her husband.

With regard to my body, I just understand that I am a male girl- a mirl! I like not having big breasts yet feeling them just as electric and sensual as I dreamed. I soothe myself sexually as well, discovering a whole new internal sensation area, which amazed me at its ability to center me and change the way I felt about my body.

Although GD is a rare thing for me now as a result of coming to grips with my gender identity, in the past it mostly focused on wearing feminine colors as being the soother. Style counted some, but color was the big calmer. Fragrance also was a soother. Being in DADT and all of that, my calming techniques had to be simple yet effective. When I could, I fully dressed, but in time I found, for me, that was not really necessary. It remains a fun thing to do, but it is not my primary method to settle down any GD that gives me any hints of coming to life. Accepting who I am as well as finding who that is in terms of expression settled my GD. But what worked for me might not work for many others. We are all different in that way. You do what works.

Some years ago, tired and exasperated over the constant, draining internal battle of fighting the urge to cross dress, giving in to it, then feeling down when I had to change, or worse having to change in a panic when someone came over, I determined I needed a different approach.

Rather than ride that roller coaster, I would take at least some control. I decided that I would cross dress for at least 15 minutes everyday, whether I felt like it or not. I know; I was starting small.

But it worked! It was a revelation. It was the difference between an addictive drive, and a habit. It didn't happen instantly, but soon enough I realized that I was was much calmer, less frustrated, and had fewer bouts of depression.

I didn't restrict myself to fifteen minutes when I had more opportunity, but I persisted with at least fifteen minutes, even on days when it was inconvenient. It required a certain commitment. I needed to admit to myself that I was a person who needed feminine expression in my life.

But worked for me, and I would recommend trying it to anyone who feels they must constantly battle this drive.

Nancy,
I may have replied to the wrong thread but no matter .

I know this question upsets some members , personally I feel we have to accept it affects us in different ways , one person may feel desparate and others can take it in their stride , so dealing with it is as individual .

I tell people now that if I can achieve 100% acceptance I don't have a problem , going out everyday in the RW and just integrating with people works for me . Obviously underdressing is meaningless , underwear just serves a function . Truthfully I don't feel hormones or surgery would make a whole lot of difference to my life , I would still dress the same and act the same way , the general public would still see me the same way , they have no idea what anatomy lies beneath and most don't care .

Male mode gives me the blues and unsettles me .

When I was younger my gender dysphoria was much worse. So how have I calmed down my GD?
I am married. I love my wife, and children. I would love to be a woman, but I also love being the man who my wife counts on to love her, protect her and be her hero. I love my children and love being their father, protector, provider, and teacher in life. Life as a man has its advantages. My family counts on me and I love that role too. When I do crossdress I look at myself and tell myself that I still look like a man. Yes the feminine clothing feels so nice, but I am really a man. Yes, I have a feminine side, but I also have a masculine side.

To calm down my GD I remind myself that while life as a male does have its problems, it also has advantages. However, perhaps it was to my best interests that I am a man with a feminine side.

Confucius ,
Handled in the right way we don't have to lose many of those qualities , a female- female partnership can still serve many of those roles . I still love my children , I can still guide them should they ask , I can still teach them , I haven't lost any of that . My wife now realises she has made a mistake , she feared losing the male sterotype , many qualities aren't gender exclusive as she had now discovered .

Some of the posts I read often seem to be a pent up desire to express oneself and not reflective of the daily struggles of a transgender woman or transgender man trying to fit into society. I know of three women (2) and one guy going through that angst. Me? Yes, there have been times when I climbed the wall trying to grasp on some "crumbs of time" as I call it. A half hour here and there. If I was lucky two or three hours. It drove me to distraction. Things got a lot better when the kids flew the coup and my wife started working full days. Yes, use up some sick leave for mental therapy. Now? Ugh! My wife fully retired. No full days of satisfying my need to be en femme.

Triggers? Well, some of them are self inflicted. I cannot break away from watching "Wheel of Fortune" to see what Vanna is wearing tonight. I should not go to Costco on Sunday when all those attractive women are there wearing dresses because that is the suggested attire of their churches.

How do I cope? Banging away on the keyboard like right now. I also peruse shopping for women's clothing. I also have started collecting my favorite panties. Sort of like collecting stamps I'll never use on Christmas cards or bills.

Everyone needs an outlet of some sort no matter how small.