Told my girlfriend a week ago: so far so good. (Sorry for the very very long post)
I finally found the guts to told my girlfriend about my Cding. It was on the first day of the year.
Background:
I tried crossdressing more than six years ago and since starting exploring this side of me. I met my girlfriend a few months later and our relationship grew quickly.
My girlfriend expresses her feeling quickly and I told without being specific that I was not like everyone else and I did not know if I was made for long term relationship.
However , we stayed together and our relationship became stronger and stronger.
Back to nowadays.
A few months ago, she said that she absolutely wants that we take our relationship to take level and move in together. Because our respective professional lives have been rocky, I told that we will talk about it after we reach our personal objectives.
Time just flew by, we both have been successful and time for the talk came. We have a few talked about how we see our future life together (how many children, children's education), the way to deal with each other (we have had a few (2-3 times) when the other one did not give the support expected by the other one). These talks show us that we really understand each other and accept our "flaws" and that we were really on the same page.
At the end, I told her that I want to move in in but I need to told her something, that I was not able right now, and that eventually she would decide if we stay together or not.
I prepare the talk a long time (thank you Marla GG for your post) and try to have the talk once, but I could not (my heart was racing, she saw it). And I pushed back the talk at the end of the year after she passed Christmas with her family (I did not want to tell her and not being able talk together just after).
January 1st : Spit it out.
Finally, we talked on the first day of the year. Firstly, I told that this would be a very tough and dramatic discussion. I told her that I apologized to her for not telling her sooner but I have to understand myself first and that I need to find the courage to tell her about this.
She noticed that I was trembling and asked me how bad it was. She asked me if I had cheated on her. I said of course no. If I have made some tests showing that I can't have children, I said no and finally spit it out: «*I am a crossdresser, a transvestite (she did not know the term crosdresser). She just said: «*It's just that,that's not dramatic at all. I love you for who you are»
She just asked me the «*usual*» questions: "Are to gay ?" (2 times), "Do you want to become a woman» ? (2 times). I assure her that not and that most transvestites are not gay.
I explain when it started (I always want to try to do that since childhood but started on a sudden impulse a few months before meeting her). I explain that it's a thing I found relaxing, that allow me to be in touch with a softer part of me, that is a thing I found creative and transgressive.
She asked me how many times I practice my “hobby” (her words). I told that is not a hobby and tried to explain her and she just cut me short and said “I understand, it is way to express your own femininity”. She's so clever.
She asked me if I was doing it at home. I said her yes but that most crossdressers want to get out. And that some does and go everywhere, anytime and said that if I get out one day it will be in special place for guys like me because I don't like (in guy mode too) to be the center of the attention.
She then asked me where does come from this pathology ? I told her that it is not a pathology and that this is something uncommon but widespread. That it is not a pathology if it does not affect the well being. I told her that I finally accept myself, that I love the person I am, I love my life, and that some of my personality traits are directly related to my crossdressing (being able to size people, showing empathy). An that the only thing that affects me was to hide it from her because honesty is very important for me. Guilt of not telling her has eaten me inside for a long time.
I then explain that each crossdresser is different and do it for different reasons. That it's seems to come from inborn factors and some environmental during childhood (I explained her what could have been these environmental factors for me).
She asked me who know ? I explain her that nobody knows, neither my mother, my sister nor my best friend. She told me that I should tell my mother and my sister with whom I have very strong relationships.
Then we have some funny and practical talks. Do I have wigs ? Where are my clothes ? Do I apply make-up ? Yes, yes and yes I don't do things halfway .
Then she asked me If we will be happy. I said to her that I can promise her that because we do not know what obstacles life will bring but I can promise that we will not be less happy that more conventional couples. I tell her that if she want more information she cans asked me and that, if she use internet, to be careful and remind her that all crossdressers are different and she could find some “ugly” stuff.
She thanks me to share with my deepest secret, I thanks her to accept me. She said that I should have told her sooner and that we have wasted time.
Since: Work in progress and bad choice
The day after:
She called me and told me that she had made some researches on transvestites' psyches and told me that she's agree with my analysis about where it comes from for me.
We communicated all day about rental offers.
2 days after:
We still looked on rental offers and decided to go see a movie at night. I chose because the trailer reminded me a movie we really liked. Bad choice.
We both were very uncomfortable but hopefully it opens a very good talk. After the movie, we took a stroll and she asked me why I chose this movie. I told her it was not on purpose and that I didn't know about the (partial) crossdressing part and that the movie make me very uncomfortable too.
I explained that most of crossdressers are first attracted by a specific item and that for me, like the main character, it was heels. And that I was uncomfortable because he was creepy. She told me that she was not bother by his fetish or kink for heels but because his behaviour (observing his neighbour through the window, giving his dolls the name of the women he knows).
However, it opened a discussion. I prompt her to ask any questions she could have.
Which kind of shoes I like ? I like different styles. Where do you find them ? On the web.
Do I have underwear ? Yes, but it is not really my main thing.
What is my style of clothes, “prostitute” or “grandma” ? I said normal. I just like to try styles I saw on casual women. As she said I like to play Barbie doll with myself.
She told me that she read that most crossdressers want to have sex dressed as a woman. I just said to her it is a fantasy and that even if the idea seems good, but I do not know if I will want to make it a reality. I explain with (personal) examples that there is a lot of fantasies in our mind (both of us) but due to our own inhibition we do not do it because we do not feel conformable.
She told me that she do not know how she could handle seeing me dress, with an image of woman. I told her that I do not feel less manly than common guys because of my crossdressing. It is not my manhood minus my femininity but more my manhood plus my femininity. I told her that I don't even know if I would be comfortable doing it in front of her. If she wants to see me dressed, it's alright. If not, we will just have to find a time in the month when I have the house for myself. The most important thing is that we're both conformable.
Then:
Foremost, we are looking for an place to move in.
We regularly have a few short talks on a light tone about crossdressing:
Where do I hide my stuff ?
Do I have women earrings ? Yes. I have both ears pierced since teenagehood. When we met I used to wear male style earrings, she confessed she didn't like it at all :)
Do I speak with guys like me on web forums ? Yes, because I can speak with others crossdressers who see crossdressing the same way or not than me. That there are women and it is good to have their point of view, that some women do not like it, some like it a lot. She asked me why, I said that some women found that their relationship are deeper, some like to go shopping together because their partner can participate and advice them (I said to her that I know a lot of thing about women's fashion).
She showed me a dress she wants to buy and asked me my opinion. She told me that this is a bargain and I said to her "you so good at it you should helped me find some bargains too" ;).
She asked me about my size.
Bottom line:
From my side
I feel relieved, light-hearted. Life hasn't be so good for a very very long time. I love my girlfriend more than ever and I can wait to take our relationship to the next levels.
From her side:
It seems that she is trying to adapt. After her initial reaction, which in one way, was a relief because we will have a future together.
She has a lot of questions popping up regularly. I don't want to push but I can see she has a few struggles and I will try to help her the best I can.
How do I look like dressed ? In what extend do I dress? I don't know if I should propose her to see some pictures (I have put a few one on my phone just in case).
I found on youtube this video I think very meaningful and I do not know if I should suggest her to watch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UsubiBjaBM).
She knows there is a place where she can speak with women in the same situation if she want to.
She know she that she can speak to friend she trusts even if she told that she will respect my secret.
PS: I would like to thank all the people here who share their coming out stories (bad or good). I think this is important and that why I share mine (even if it is a long post, sorry again). I would like to thank all the women who participate on this forum, especially Marla GG for her wonderful post and ReineD (always a pleasure to read your meaningful posts) :thumbsup:.
