That is not correct. There are small (1x1-1/2x2-1/2) cameras that record in high def, record to a SD card, and are motion triggered. Can be bought for under $80.
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That is not correct. There are small (1x1-1/2x2-1/2) cameras that record in high def, record to a SD card, and are motion triggered. Can be bought for under $80.
dont mess with the cameras it will look like you are hiding something, and it will only make it worse.
dress or dont, just get the chores done.
But MOST (as I mentioned) are wi-fi. Just search on amazon for SDHC spycam and wifi spycam. The wifi's outnumber the SDHCs and the SDHCs have really really bad ratings. It's also easier to watch a real-time feed versus taking out an SDHC card putting it in a computer and going through hundreds of AVI files. It's why most spycams are wifi models.
Speaking of which, anyone know if in California it is against the law to record your SO in your own home without their knowledge? We have a wire-tapping privacy law here but I don't recall if it applies to your own home and members of your family.
Either way, it sounds to me like your wife is a good woman. When a woman is really mad, she will let you know. Just do what you're supposed to do (be a good husband and do your chores), and I'm sure everything will be alright.
When she leaves, get dressed. Lock the door. Do not reopen door until a judge says so.
Sticks and stones. You know what I mean, we are more head strong then that aren't we. My last time I had the weekend to myself and the family was away, she told me everything of hers is open to me except the for her dresses. Well I probably wouldn't have touched them but since she talked to me like a child I decided to act like one. You guessed it, I wore her dresses and to top it off I took some pics and showed her when she came back and asked her what's my punishment. We may wear dresses but we are still the men of the house. Aren't we?
Hi Judy,
I have always appreciated and been amazed at your talent at your gender expression and I am so sorry all of this has gone sideways for you. You look like an incredibly beautiful woman. That said, I think you may want to read carefully what Reine offers. It is great to hear the woman's perspective on this. She has made some great points that we all might want to consider carefully. Personally, I think you and your wife would do well to pay a visit to a couples therapist. I feel that marriage is a kind of dance. Your secretiveness was wrong and I think you know that and getting discovered is the worst way to introduce the other side of you to her. But I think there is plenty of blame on her side as well as a lack of understanding of the realities of being who we are in a world where such behavior is widely tolerated but far less accepted. Learning about your needs in the controlled environment of a therapist's office is far better than going it alone. I feel that you and your wife are doing different dances. You might be doing a waltz and she is doing a tango. You end up falling all over each other. Maybe a therapist can help you both to discover that if you both do foxtrot it will work a lot better. Give it some thought, Judy. I think you are a fine person and I suspect your wife is fine as well. But the two of you are way out of sync. Read Reine's offering carefully. I think there are some real gems in there. They may not be easy to accept, but they are very important. Your wife probably has some big skeletons in her closet that she has kept from you. Her defensiveness may, I repeat, may indicate that she is protecting herself from something as well. Or maybe not. But it is a mistake to go down that road and turn your individual secrets into weapons to be used against each other. That never ends well. What happened in the past is important but if you are each looking over your shoulders wondering what other dishonesties exist it is hard to see where you are going. The future is what really matters even though the past may be hurtful. Be gentle, tell her that you love her above all else, but that you believe you both need to seek some professional help from a marriage counselor so you can find a common ground. You will likely both have to make some concessions, but divorce should be a last resort. You both have a lot invested in your marriage. Don't just throw it away because you can't do the same dance steps at the same time.
Gretchen
Re the "hidden cameras"... I think that we need to take a collective chill!
In the OP, Judy said that, despite her wife's comment, she doesn't actually believe that her wife has any cameras hidden. I strongly suspect that Judy's wife could have replaced the words "hidden cameras" with "eyes in the back of my head" without changing the message -ie "I've my eye on you Buster! If you get up to anything while I'm away then I'll know (because you're sloppy about tidying up after yourself)"
To mix metaphors, the cat is well and truly out of the proverbial bag and has been replaced by a whacking great elephant that's lurking in the corner of the room. She knows! She probably imagines that she can get you to stop by using this sort of emotional manipulation. That's like trying to secure the elephant and keep it in the corner of the room by stationing a mouse in front of it!
It's time to 'girl up' and have a sensible, adult, talk. As for the prospect of her making disparaging remarks about your appearance when all dressed up, firstly "forewarned is forearmed" - you're expecting them so you'll be ready and they'll have less impact. Secondly, if you pay any attention to the feedback that you get from here then you'll know that her disparaging remarks are gross exaggerations.
And, do the chores, so that she can't say "You've been playing dressup all day and the chores aren't done!"
She knows what you are up to? Seems frivilous. Seems like the perfect time to let it be. Just enjoy being the gal in the family at home during the day.
Half of my enjoyment of the fem side is just enjoying life.
In Buddhism, it is one of the Three Doors of Liberation. Aimlessness......focus around chore perfection and that is the "agenda." That's how I like to look at it.
⛩����☂️
Thanks, everyone for the advice.
When she found my heels I told her I've dressed since 8 and I use to dress with friends in my teens, which she knew.
I told her I stopped for over 18 years and now that the kids have moved out I started dressing again.
I told her I have some clothes and she didn't tell me to get rid of them, but said she could imagine what they look like.
She hasn't asked if it will continue or or not.
Well back to the chores for now.
I have to chuckle a little at your comment. I am a retiree with a wife who still works part-time. Part-time means she picks the full days she wants to work. Sometimes it is one day a week. Sometimes it is five. Either way when she is working I am working also. After I drop her off at work (she cannot drive due to a depth perception issue) I do the grocery shopping, and, then return. You'll find a la June Cleaver doing the dishes from breakfast, washing the clothes and ironing, vacuuming, baking, meal preparation, watering the garden and flowers in the spring.Quote:
Originally Posted by Allsteamedup
My wife and I are in a DADT marriage for the last three decades. I would do these chores en drab if that was the case which is now. She is off for chemotherapy and has not worked since last April. I still do more than my share of the household chores and do all the chauffeuring. I am not bitching or complaining, but, I would really love to be able to to all these chores in front of my wife totally en femme. Getting a nice approving pat on my rump would also be nice.
But, alas, I realize it is not going to happen. It is a true DADT marriage. She does not make any derogatory remarks about my me wearing women's clothing. Nor does she makes any derogatory remarks concerning transgender women or transgender men or gays and lesbians. Does this seem to be conflicted thinking? No, there is a vision in her mind of the man she married, and, she does not want to change that.
Anyway, so much for my digression. My advice to Judy. Take your wife at her word. Assume she has spy cameras in the home. Get dolled up. Get yours done. Show her there is some benefit to your dressing. And then? Greet her at the door totally en femme. In the pictures you post you look terrific. You look very feminine. Your skills are expert.
Since she has (supposedly) seen you on video just tell her, "Honey, since you have been watching me doing the chores all day en femme, why change?"
Of course it is, but what else did you expect? We've seen members encourage bad behavior before, and it is all about taking the easy path. By hiding, and beating around the bush, they can have their cake...crossdressing...and eat it too...marriage, without having to have those difficult conversations. It is all about getting their way with the least amount of effort.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Some of us have been saying that to Judy since she first showed up here, it doesn't seem to get through. She's been taking the dark and easy path, rather than dealing with This Thing of Ours directly like an adult. We've been saying it to others for years...it often doesn't get through. I've said this before, but crossdressers are their own worst enemies sometimes.Quote:
You are an adult and not a child. If it is important for you to dress when your wife is not there, you need to say so. You mustn't lie to her.
You need to be honest, Judy. There's no other way around it.
Perhaps, but we pretty much know what Judy's mindset is.Quote:
It's very difficult to make judgments about all the complexities in a relationship when a member just posts one or two facts.
Veronica
Summary: People can change. Your wife can, too.
I seriously doubt your wife has installed cameras in the house. She's probably not that technical. Time to check in and see if your wife's comments were made in jest or anger. Sounds like she was being funny and letting you know she knows you dress or suspects you dress when she leaves the house.
What you need to understand is that people can change their views. My SO was initially "sort of okay" with my dressing as long as she didn't hear about it or see me. Over the course of a year that changed to asking about clothes I purchased and brought into the house and making comments about them ("Oh, that's pretty. I like that one, can we share that dress?"). It went from not wanting to see me dressed to checking me out before I left the house to make sure everything looked good for my CD social club meeting. All very positive (She wanted to make sure my makeup was on point and everything in place and presentable). It went from I am okay with you dressing as long as I never see you in a dress and definitely not pantyhose to planning and going on girl road trips and weekends together (her idea). People can change. People can make different choices.
It's disturbing the see the number of comments that suggest you to jump on the divorce train. Keep in mind that these are people who don't have all the information. Divorce is your last choice in a long list of steps you should take.
Walk around the house flipping the finger to wherever you think there might be a hidden camera.
That's my thought also. Your wife gave you list of chores, and she said she knows what you do---- this sounds like someone's fantasy. Get dressed, do the chores dressed, eat lunch, carry on your normal day at home. Then when wife gets home, ask if you did a good job with your chores and would she let you see the pictures with her...Quote:
Originally Posted by RADER
But what do I know, my wife knows I wear women's clothes.
when my wife goes out for the day her admonition to me is usually "don't do anything I wouldn't do." To which my reply is "You dress like a woman everyday."
Me too, Kierston - I agree with you -...Get all pretty and make sure you get all your chores done before she gets home...And try not to worry so much about cameras or her coming home early. If you look as great as you do in your profile picture, she's lucky to have such a pretty husband!....Scarlett...By the way...what do you girls think about my new skater skirt?....Scarlett
Sounds like she would like to catch you all dressed up - so why not let her catch you? (Make sure you bend over in front of the camera while sweeping the last crumbs into the dustpan)
Judy...what's the latest? By now, you're wife has seen footage of you all dressed up or not. You'll know she really has the goods (film) if she mentions how beautiful you are and how she feels about that. When my wife inadvertently saw my pics on my smart phone she couldn't help but show me the pics and tell me how she felt about them. My wife's initial reaction to my pics are posted on another thread. When she gets home this Sunday she'll have a chance to talk more in depth about my feminine side and how she feels about it.
Loveyah!
Nikki
I have a battery operated spy cam that is hidden in a pen, and several others that are similarly disguised. I don't use them for anything, and I don't even know if they still work. The point is that you can hide spy cams anywhere, and they're pretty hard to find if they're battery operated and record to internal memory.
On the other hand, if she really had them, she probably wouldn't tell you about them.
I'm still afraid to have the big conversation.
Yesterday my wife told me that some 60 year old man she knows has a gay son and he doesn't approve.
He can't understand why his son would choose to be gay.
My wife told him that people don't choose to be gay, she believes they're born that way.
I thought to myself was I born a cross-dresser or have I chosen to be a cross-dresser.
I think she feels it's a choice. I wanted to say something at that moment but my daughter was in the room.
Well she said no fooling around and didn't say anything about dressing.
There are some things you can do.
1) Suggest she be enlightened by a counselor
2) Tell her your mother use to dress you up as a girl. That way she can blame it all on her mother-in-law and take pity on you! Just kidding on #2! :)
It's a chance you have to or not have to take .You know your going to eventually dress when she is not home :)
If she has hidden cameras ask her to take some pics. If she knows then tell her