Your starter for 10

I penned as post about what, once out and about, gave folks the greatest boost to their confidence. This had me thinking about what preceded those moments. Those tentative first bolder "baby" steps that get talked about so often. So in the same vein here's my 3 things at as someone starting to venture out had me pushing into the muggle world.

1. A drive though. You're there in you're steel safety cell, cocooned from the world. All you have to do is firstly talk into a machine to place your order, drive to a booth to pay and then move forward to collect your meal. I can remember my first time. Sat there trying to talk to the machine in a femme voice like that mattered! Moving to pay I tried to make myself as invisible as I could, desperately trying not to fumble with the cash, to be brave and sort out the correct change, then bottling out and handing over a note(bill). Collecting my order the young attendant barely looked at me and off I went, elated.

2. Self service petrol pumps at the supermarket. Sat there, picking the moment to get out having sorted out the debit card I'd use to pay. Struggling to focus on the instructions and enter my pin correctly. Hose in hole, squeeze the trigger and trying to stand there looking natural and the fuel seemingly flowed at a trickle from pump to car. Put a few pounds worth in, nowhere near full, hose in holster and back into the car making sure my skirt doesn't get caught in the car door, do up the seat belt and drive away carefully feeling, elated.

3. Cash point. So firstly the dilemma. Somewhere quiet with the risk of muggers or being faced with someone who appears out of no-where or go somewhere better frequented, working on there being safety in numbers. Chose the latter. Opted for a supermarket near to closing time. Enough folk around to feel safer, not that many so as to feel I'm not ending up standing in a queue. As with the petrol pump it seems I've chosen the slowest machine in the world. Each press of a key sounds like a trumpet blast. It feels like the machine is printing the money but soon enough it's there, calmly taken, remember to retrieve card before walking away feeling, elated.

All of these are little rites of passage. Confidence builders that lead us towards ever greater things. yes they take that leap of faith, that moment of courage but countless others besides myself have been there and survived.

So, here's the question, what's your little task that helped get you started onto greater things?

Having just knocked the first two off my list I can say that I found myself far less frightened once I committed to the task and they went off flawlessly. I feel like the risk of something happening during these activities is nearly zero.

For me the first thing was just stepping outside my house and driving out of town. I live in a small town and have lots of family here. The odds of me seeing a relative or someone who knows me are probably 1/10 every time I leave the house. I'm almost sure that I could drive right by almost anyone and they wouldn't recognize me, especially if I didn't make eye contract but instead kept my head down and my hair kind of blocking my face.

Once out of town and in a another place and after my gas and drive though adventure I started feeling a bit braver, but not brave enough to go in a confined space LOL. WHat I did do is start making eye contact with drivers, and passersby. I would smile and wave and try to judge their expressions. Just seemed pretty normal. I passed a few older ladies out walking and I wanted to slow down and ask them for directions and see how they reacted.

My first step that lead to a better thing was tell my wife. It was great for a couple years then turned into a DADT type situation. I've just left it there and as the old song says " I don't like it but I guess things happen that way"

1. A drive in the car.

2. A walk in the park.

3. A trip to the drugstore in the next town and buying something.

4. A trip to a supermarket in another town and buying some groceries.

5. A trip to the post office, for some reason that took 2 tries.

6. Many visits to my therapist.

So anyway a lot of little "miss-adventures".

Many trips through fast food drive-throughs first. But I didn't really blossom until I started getting my hair and nails done regularly en femme, which gave me a push to get dressed and out of the house every week or two.

- Diane

Going for a drive on my favorite back road is what got me to the next step.

Fitting and purchase of an inflatable bra in a London boutique some years ago.

The girls there gave me the most encouragement I needed in any confidence boost.

I just went out and owned it, my wife was put a bit off balance for a while. :-)

1)Would be like Jaylyn My first step that lead to a better thing was tell my wife. It was great for a couple years then turned into a DADT type situation. I've just left it there and as the old song says " I don't like it but I guess things happen that way"
2)Going out the door for the first time,and having a walk around the streets, night time.
3) having a changeaway, meeting others cd and talking to staff in the shop.and purchase a wig that suited my face.

Carolyn

It was the gas station located in an area where dressing was common and where you paid at the pump.

First was a drive to a local park and back and with no wig at that time, nor make up!
Second was my transformation and the purchase of my wig while dressed in downtown Asheville NC!
Third was a gas fill up out of town!
It has just grown and got larger from there!
Hugs Lana Mae

Coming out and being accepted by my wife of 30+ years. And the adventure continues...

Hi Helen, your 3 steps are mine, exactly in that order too. I've only done #1. First time stupidly nervous, am now not worrying about it, though I haven't done it in a wig and makeup -- need to get my wig looking better first. Was going to do #2 last night (first time ever fully dressed with wig and makeup) but got sidetracked
I appreciate your posts for us newbies and your support: your courage rubs off!


ETA: I jumped to my #4 tonight (interact directly with someone who doesn't work a drive-thru). It was by accident -- I was totally dressed in a cotton shorts/cami combo, but no wig or makeup, and larger C cup forms in, just driving around in the town near me in the rain when I saw a friend of my BF Diane (my avatar) walking in the rain, soaked to the bone. I had to stop, it transpired she was very wasted, I drove her home and we talked in the car for 1/2 hour and she gave me a little hug and kiss goodnight, she never said anything about my appearance, though I do think she had a hard time focusing. Still, I'm counting it! Thanks Helen!

Lana Mae - the first time I was ever seen by anyone was attending a support group in Asheville in 1996. Not sure if there still is a support group there anymore. But it was a big thing to know that I was not alone. Once my wife moved down to Asheville, my attendance to the meetings stopped. Then it was driving in the car while dressed. Moving to PA in 2000 allowed me to attend support groups in Harrisburg and Allentown. I could not wait for each meeting each month.
Carolyn/Jaylyn - I too am in a DADT now. My wife did find out about it. Put up with it for a while. Then I had to stop completely. Now I just keep it all to myself, taking advantage of traveling to San Francisco for work and dressing while I was out there.

Little is not my style. Go big, or go home.
Don't get me wrong. Being en femme is not an exhibitionist thing for me, but at the same time, there's no thrill in just being where people might see me. The juice comes from interaction with people. I realize that this is not typical for a cross dresser, but there it is. I'm complicated. :)

I had several cases where I flirted with wearing a more feminine article or accessory. However, I'd have to say the first time I went out that really made a difference was going on a walk, outside at night. It was in a nicer part of town, on a walk that was a couple of miles in total. I had a couple of passers-by to whom I said hello or nodded my head, as I would do anyway. It was a great thrill knowing that people driving past could see me, although it was dark enough that I doubt anyone recognized me. The experience gave me the first inkling that I could do this!

Sami

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Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater

All of these are little rites of passage. Confidence builders that lead us towards ever greater things. yes they take that leap of faith, that moment of courage but countless others besides myself have been there and survived.

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Helen,
Great list and very well written. I am sure most of us see ourselves somewhere in your examples.
Thank you.

Helen,
It does feel like a while ago but I would say my first evening drive , and being caught when walking the dog .

The push to go to my first social meeting gave me the need to sort my makup out , sitting in Boots in drab was quite a moment . To buy my first heels I contrived a letter from a secretary of the Round Table because we were taking part in a cabaret show . Like most in my early days my clothes / underwear/ nighties were for wife or daughter . I always wrote the measurements down and handed them to the SAs as if it was in a foreign language .

I must admit I'm slightly paranoid now at the fuel pumps since putting in petrol instead of diesel and having to sit in my car at the pumps until Greenflag came to rescue me , I was in drab on that occasion !! Can you imagine that situation dressed , having your car hauled away and sitting in the resue vehicle then waiting at the rescue centre until the system has been flushed out . I only went to the supermarket to buy a bag of rice I returned two and half hours later !

It's been a lot of years since my first trip out. Technically it was a halloween party, but since everyone but me felt that was a funny costume I wont count it - though as a first time out, it's perfect!

Missions on my own... I think it was driving at night. We have a garage, so I could get dressed, get in the car, drive around for a while, drive in the garage, and while I could have been seen at a stop sign or something, overall, it was pretty safe. I did sometimes think: "what if I break down" but took the risk.

After that, we have a lot of what I guess are strip mall type places in my region. A parking lot that's well lit, and many stores in a long line. I am pretty sure my next ventures out were there. Walk from the car to the side walk in front of the stores and then walk along that and back.

From there, I dont remember the order, but driving around during the day, walking in a cemetery during the day, getting gas at self pump places (night, then later day - amazed me that people could be 2 feet away on the other side of the pump, or a car length away, and appear to have no idea - people see what they want to see, quick glance at the pump says woman, their brain says woman - that's my theory any way) and ultimately going into stores. That all came with some interactions with other people, but by choosing steps that minimized contact potential, or perhaps better said, created success early, the "bigger" steps seemed easier.

Just have to figure the steps that seem right for you. Those sorts of things were about the max I was willing to or wanted to experience.

I had a makeover several years ago. He did a wonderful job and I was very pleased. At that time I had never really been out shopping and I did not plan to do it that day either. I finally arrived home and went upstairs ready to change back. I looked i the mirror and realized "I really look good" It was an epiphany. I turned around, drove away and went shopping. First to a department store, and then to a supermarket. I got many nice looks and smiles. That really tipped the scales from only dressing at home, and driving around to going out in public.

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Originally Posted by Jess West

getting gas at self pump places (night, then later day - amazed me that people could be 2 feet away on the other side of the pump, or a car length away, and appear to have no idea - people see what they want to see, quick glance at the pump says woman, their brain says woman - that's my theory any way)

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Jess,

I couldn't agree more. It's that duck thing again. Looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck then it must be a duck. Perhaps not so much the sound part though, at least in my case.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater

once out and about, gave folks the greatest boost to their confidence. This had me thinking about what preceded those moments. Those tentative first bolder "baby" steps that get talked about so often.

So, here's the question, what's your little task that helped get you started onto greater things?

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Hi Helen,
Realizing that at age 7, I liked dressing up in my sister's clothes and I wanted to continue to do so.
I never had any guilt about doing something that no other boys did.
Not even after getting caught by an older sister at age 12.
Not even when puberty hit.
"Baby steps" was definitely learning to walk in heels with my sisters.
Seeing grown men dressed as women on all the talk shows that cropped up, only made me plan to have my own female wardrobe as I became an adult.
They have had to of gone through some of the same things that I did growing up.
Getting makeup lessons by a skilled stylist showed me that I could create a female look that no one would question my face as male.
Alas, my BROAD shoulders would fool no one. I knew that and just wanted to look good.
Going to my 1st Tri-Ess meeting at age 18, was quite the eye opener of meeting other crossdressers in person.
All shapes and sizes as well as fashion taste, just like women we see every day.
All this helped me getting out in public from that point on.
I am glad of the path that I got to travel as a crossdresser.
Unique as it was with some laughs to be had.

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I guess I must be a bit different..

Step 1 - Full transformation/makeover

Fast forward 3 weeks.... back to same place makeup, dressed and out the door... before I knew it I was walking down a very packed Oxford Street in Darlinghurst Sydney in heels and a skirt

My list starts with a few 3 AM trips to my own back yard or drives where I'd change someplace on a back road then change back before returning home. Then it was dressing on business trips where I'd stay at a motel and make the walk to the ice machine, again at 2 or 3 AM. Eventually I went to Las Vegas and left my room to visit a casino or two. The first trip was terrible with equipment and wardrobe issues, the second was much better. Then it was meeting other T folk and building off their strength and encouragement. Since then it's been continuing to build with me going out to meetings or dinner or movies or shopping, but I still have moments of self-doubt and my confidence drains away. That doesn't happen as often as it used to but there are still times when I just don't want to be seen by other people, regardless of how well I've prepared myself.

Helen,
This is a great post.
here are the major steps for me.
Telling people I know that I like to cross dress
buying items in a store
going outside while dressed
Get a wig fitting
Get a bra fitting
today was a huge event as I went into a convienience store en femme and interacted with the cashier

And the world did not come crashing down

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fantastic post, I have a few more things to work out before I brave the outside world.