GG's in your life and acceptance

I've been at this for years and years and I've spent plenty of time on forums like these and in some of the older chat rooms.

One of the constants I see is the negative aspects of coming out to our SO's. Separations, divorces, fights and tantrums, ridicule and disdain. I see this so much that it seems like it is an automatic response to coming out to our SO's.

Yet, that is not my experience at all. I admit, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

My first serious gf and I were talking, on our first date. She was a real wild child and she decided to let me know what I was getting my self into. After her talk, she asked me if there was anything she needed to know about me. Well, I started with the old "Well, I went to the exotic and erotic ball in San Francisco as a maid". Her response? "Oh, so your not a virgin "back there", very cool". That wasn't true but since she was so accepting I just went with it. We dated for quite a while and went out together as girl friends more than a few times. That one broke up when she fell in love with a band. The whole band. ( shrugs)

My second was the woman I married. She was also a wild child and after coming clean one day when we were getting very serious with our feelings, she also asked me if there was anything she needed to know. I pulled out some pics from parties Danielle and I had go to, and she thought it was pretty cool...except that she instantly hated Danielle! We never really did much outside of the house, but she was very very accepting about it behind closed doors. We also broke up because she cheated, and not because of cross dressing.

The woman who put me back together after my wife left me found out about it almost immediately when she went to put some of her clothes in my closet and saw two different womens sizes. SHE liked it so much that she had move in with her "in the big city" and live full time. She introduced me to the world and with her bff we went everywhere as Michelle. Eventually her bff hired me to be her executive assistant in a very small company that she owned. Nancy though was also a wild child and we broke up many times over her cheating till one time she got pregnant and it stuck.

The BFF and I continued to be best friends till she passed away 10 years ago from cancer.

Carole was the next one and she actually fell in love with Michael. Again...a wild, wild child. She owned an Antique store and I just walked in there one day, after we had known each other a couple of months, in full fem mode; and started shopping. She came to help me and actually wondered around with me for five minutes when all of a sudden she looked at me with big wide eyes and said "Michael!". To which I replied, "No, Michelle". Very quickly she "dumped" Michael and was all in with Michelle. Carole is a story all to herself. We have broken up because of her...cheating isn't quite right...well, anyway; suffice to say that she is a big fan of Michelle.

Tiff was a woman I met when I was out as Michelle and she fell head over heels. She wanted nothing to do with Michael. Her problem was that she was unable to commit and she was CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.

Other than that I have had a lot, and I mean a lot of GG friends that I have come out to and with one exception they have been supportive and have kept my secret.

The one bad expericence was the one woman I thought sure would be "Ok". She was a very progressive democrat and when I came out to her she was accepting...but you could tell she really didn't like it. I later found out from a couple of mutual friends that she only talked to me because she felt it was her "obligation" as a progressive woman.

All of my very best friends are women.

I've left out a couple but it was always the same.

I have thought about this for a long time and it seems to me that there are a couple of common threads.

The first is that my SO have all been women of very loose, but fun, morals! More than once I've heard a variation of "It's so nice to know you can't judge me because we are the same". I guess with those women they are very much afraid that if thier SO find out about their past "activities" that they will become disgusted and leave them. Where as they think of me as a woman and so being am more forgiving. IF that makes any sense.

The second is that most of the women in my life, be it as a friend or in a relationship, have been rather conservative. Strangely I find the more conservative a woman is the more likely she is to be a friend. Two of my very best friends are actually "officials" in thier respective Churches. Now the men on the other hand are definetely just the opposite. The more conservative the less accepting. I don't know why it works this way, for me, but it does.

The question I ask then is; is it really that common for SO's to leave their CD/Trans SO? Or do we just hear about the bad relationships? And I just really lucky? Or have I subconsciously found a "type" that is accepting of our lifestyles.

This is a question that I have pondered for a long time.

"It's so nice to know you can't judge me because we are the same."

That phrase sort of resonated with me in a sort of twisted way. I have not had any close friends dissolve their marriage because the husband cross dresses. Maybe they kept it a secret shared by only two. Before and after my wife and I were married she blurted out on several occasions some sordid details of her life before me. I never asked her anything about her life before we met. And, when she blurted out these sordid facts I never cared to follow up and asked her. I figured it was none of my business.

Fast forward a couple of years and my youthful experience of wearing women's clothing (mom's) was rekindled. At first it was in the form of bedroom play. However, when it progressed past that we had "The Talk." She said some really nasty things. Like if we got divorced she'd tell everyone I was a cross dresser. This was actually a ploy to keep me (sans cross dressing) from running off to live some fantasy life as Stephanie. She came from a long line of failed marriages and she was not going to repeat it.

Where the phrase came is she remembered telling me all those sordid details. She wished she hadn't because she could have pretended she was the mythical virgin pure bride and divorced me without any potential sordid things being repealed.

I glad you have been able to find acceptance with wild conservative women.

You do seem to have a type, huh, Michelle? Lol
It's good that you've found so much acceptance across, ahem, so many women.
Do we only hear the bad, maybe? Or perhaps we overstate the bad in our quite selfish yearning for more? When I think of my own situation (wife's tolerant-ish at home only) I do sometimes chide myself to be grateful even while wanting so much more.
On reflection is seems to me that the horror stories are comparatively rare. Yes many are DADT. But I tend to think more of us are in positions similar to my own ranging to the utopia of utter acceptance. Any degree of acceptance is a cause for celebration , I think, when the stakes are so high.
Thanks GGs!

I had a girl friend once, just after my divorce, who was accepting. She was extremely wild, daring and outrageous. She even bought me underwear. But then she flipped and called me names banging on the door late at night to out me to neighbours. I am now scared to have that talk with my partner of 16 years fearing rejection again.

It's never an easy situation to call clearly. I realise I didn't give my wife much choice. She'd known I'd underdressed pretty much our entire relationship, but when, in 2017, I kinda flatly said 'Look I like women's underwear more. I don't wanna purge again', that was when she said 'You're a transvestite, admit it. You might as well put a dress on.'
It was said harshly, in pain, and frustration, I guess. But I called her bluff the next day and loved it. Here I am now!

I've had to work on accepting myself, so I can't expect her to beat me to it.

The urge to get it over with and tell her is getting stronger. I go to see a counsellor most weeks and have stopped telling her what we discuss so I think she knows something is up. I'm back to getting constant head aches and not sleeping so I've got to do it or it will get worse.

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I should add that it's not a good time she has lost 3 family members since Christmas

I’m so glad you’ve had good experiences so far. That doesn’t invalidate the experiences of hundreds and hundreds of other dressers. You have to remember that all those women have one thing in common: you. Wether it’s you being drawn to certain types of people or even something as simple as your geographic location, those women all have something in common. Instead of questioning all these experiences that ALL these other people have opened up about, how about listening instead?

I don't know if it's a Scottish thing or just a me thing but women aren't interested in me as Sandy as a male or dressed :laughing:
I have never even had a girlfriend,not even a date
I have been on numerous different websites looking for someone both as a CD and a male and no women even ever message me
and if they do I know the website is sending me fake messages
but for some reason I get hundreds of messages from guys both gay bi and even claiming they are straight
I really don't get it :facepalm:

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Originally Posted by Micki_Finn

I’m so glad you’ve had good experiences so far. That doesn’t invalidate the experiences of hundreds and hundreds of other dressers. You have to remember that all those women have one thing in common: you. Wether it’s you being drawn to certain types of people or even something as simple as your geographic location, those women all have something in common. Instead of questioning all these experiences that ALL these other people have opened up about, how about listening instead?

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Micki, I don't think you get it. I'm not questioning that these things happen. I've read about it too many times to think it a false narrative. I've worked as a criminal interviewer. I'm very empathetic. I've talked to more than a few sisters who have gone through this. Does that mean though that it is universal? I don't know. That is the reason I asked.

As an interviewer I have talked to more than a few murder suspects, and a buuuuuunch of criminals. So; if I take that segment of my life and then extrapolate; I would determine that most people are murders or at least criminals. That is clearly false based on a contaminated sampling of humanity.

Are our sisters the same? Or do we see those who are in pain reaching out to communicate and ask for help; and assume they are the majority?

How many of us are quietly leading a life of acceptance and never reach out on a forum such as this? I was away for 11 years.

So my question does not deal with the very real pain of rejection. My question deals with whether or not this is the norm, or just the "squeaky wheel". Does that make sense?

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Originally Posted by abbiedrake

You do seem to have a type, huh, Michelle? Lol
It's good that you've found so much acceptance across, ahem, so many women.
Do we only hear the bad, maybe? Or perhaps we overstate the bad in our quite selfish yearning for more? When I think of my own situation (wife's tolerant-ish at home only) I do sometimes chide myself to be grateful even while wanting so much more.
On reflection is seems to me that the horror stories are comparatively rare. Yes many are DADT. But I tend to think more of us are in positions similar to my own ranging to the utopia of utter acceptance. Any degree of acceptance is a cause for celebration , I think, when the stakes are so high.
Thanks GGs!

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Lol, well, to be honest I was married to a woman only once, and that for 14 years. I've been with Carole, on and off, for 15 years. Most of the others fit in somewhere inbetween. I agree though, with you. Any degree of acceptance is a cause for celebration.

Michelle,
I was very lucky to find GFs in my late teens and early twenties that were OK with the CDing angle , I managed to get engaged to two of them ( no not at the same time ) . Why didn't I marry them ? Basically because I couldn't trust them , it appears to be par for the course ! Ok it was a lot of fun at the time .

Michelle;

Ive read some of your previous posts, you HAVE experienced some of the negative aspects of what others have gone thru, While your ex spouse may not have divorced you directly for being Michelle, per your posts she did because of how others perceived you being Michelle. I know you want to say you are accepted , but your other posts don't bear that out. Be real with people here.

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Originally Posted by Teresa

Michelle,
I was very lucky to find GFs in my late teens and early twenties that were OK with the CDing angle , I managed to get engaged to two of them ( no not at the same time ) . Why didn't I marry them ? Basically because I couldn't trust them , it appears to be par for the course ! Ok it was a lot of fun at the time .

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How exactly were girls in your late teens aware of this side of you?

I have thought about which girl friend of mine I would tell many times, but even the most (potentially) accepting one would feel too risky. Especially since I'm already not that "popular" in my school

High School is a cruel world. Maybe wait...

Lindsay,
One asked me to wear her panties , how could I refuse . Another caught me wearing her baby doll nightie , she loved it , in fact I bought her it as a present so I had to buy another one for myself so we could swap when the mood took us .

Thanks for the words of wisdom Abbie.

Amazing to hear that background, Teresa, and how funny that second part is with the matching nighties. Simple humor seems to be great for acceptance.

I have been here a long time and read most interesting threads over all that time. Actually, I am still somewhat addicted to reading all new interesting posts several times a day. Way too much!! Anyway, I am not sure that the majority of SO's leave there CDing partner. I think that most married partners try to make it work initially, maybe with some or a lot of restrictions, and it may then deteriorate later down the road. There are a lot of real life feelings and practical issues that must be dealt with when deciding what to do after finding out what their partner likes doing. I would guess that the majority here are middle aged and older. A single spouse, the wife or long term girlfriend of the a CDing partner who is truly invested in their relationship, time, money to support the household, housing, and ability to go out on her own to start a new life

However, I am confident based on my reading here that the majority do not accept it as it is, i.e. giving time to their partner to enjoy that side of them, participating in some way and generally do not make a big deal about it all. For all the lucky ones with moderate to full acceptance there are many more on the opposite side of the street. Most who come out seem to be in DADT situations or only somewhat tolerant. I believe that most strongly wish that their partner's desire/need to dress would just go away. Most people never really learn how to truly and effectively communicate with their partners about little things, so then when a serious and complicated topic comes up like CDing neither really know how to work their way through it all. Even if one is a good communicator, it does not mean that the other is too. Some truly love their partner, but dealing with their own issues about it all, many very justified, they seem to lessen that love to being conditional based, in this case, how they present themselves even if they never see it, out of sight - out of mind. There are many on this site, still in the minority in my opinion, who do have accepting SO's, and then there are those who have tolerating SO's who wish they never had to deal with all this.

In your case I believe that it is really based on the type of women you joined up with and/or are close to you. Your own selection process and tastes has given you better results. The people I meet out all seem to be accepting or very tolerant. But sometimes one may be tolerant of others but much less so when it happens in their own back yard, which is how my children's initial reaction was.

It's always nice to hear the success stories, but, if you're simply editing out the negative things that happenned in your life just so you can have a nice story to tell, as referenced by Kelly, that's not cool at all. Please go to the writer's forum section to type out the fictional tales. It's not nice to fool other people with fiction portrayed as reality.

Thank you AllieSF, I think yours was the most thoughtful answer I have received. I appreciate it.

I wonder if some of this is because of the duality of our nature? I know that a high percentage of us have drab professions that are in the more manly pursuits. That women are attracted to the outer facade, and then when they see that the inner person does not reflect the outer person they run. In much the same way that some women are attracted to a man who is perceived as an alpha, but leave when they find out that the man is a "nice guy". The bad boy syndrome if you will.

Again thank you.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

It's always nice to hear the success stories, but, if you're simply editing out the negative things that happenned in your life just so you can have a nice story to tell, as referenced by Kelly, that's not cool at all. Please go to the writer's forum section to type out the fictional tales. It's not nice to fool other people with fiction portrayed as reality.

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So, I guess you're a hater? Someone who finds fault with people who don't live your way?

Let me educate you. First I asked about SO's I never had an SO reject me because of CDing. So you fail in either basic reading comprehension or you are simply letting your innate prejudices over rule your thought processes. It's true my mother in law interfered with our marriage, but that was HER non-acceptance. Not my ex-wifes. She was guided by her mothers desires; not by my CDing. The same way that a m-i-l destroys lots of marriages. I'm hardly the unique person in this boat.

Second, IF I had been editing it would still not be fiction. It would simply be edited truth. Again you fail to understand the basic difference between fact and fantasy. If you can not understand the difference between fact and fiction then nothing you say can be relied upon. You lessen and demean your own opinion when you lack basic comprehension of the English language or the difference between fact ( even if it were edited fact, which it is not) and fiction.

I don't mean to be testy but if you don't want to answer the question posted , then you should not answer at all. I have seen way to many threads go sideways because people like you inject their personal narratives into someone else's honestly asked question.

It is truly sad that some people can't stand to see others happy or succeed.

I think it is a novelty with most women.......until they want to strike up a relationship.

Then the rules change.

Most women still want a generic man in their lives.

I've been married to the same woman for over 40 yrs. I am very str8 and she very hetero and we have been totally loyal and honest with each other. In our case, what started with a Halloween party has come throughout our life together to a complete package.........everything. I have no chance to pass in public and it sends chills to me to even think I'd try. MY SO, after learning that 'there is something to this'...............simply encouraged this side of me. And escalating at every chance. WE have the normal life, and we perform as society would say is normal...........and then there are the winter months when the 5-6 inch heels come out, and the huge makeup kit appears...........we treat it as a 'Date Night' happening usually on the Friday-Saturday weekends, and maybe once during the week. My SO have never thought I want to prowl around, meet strangers, or have some hidden agenda. Since I can show an A cleavage convincingly, she once suggested that I work up to a B !!! The point of my comment is that I have NO CLUE what 'most GG' would say about this---personally I don't care, neither does my SO. This is for us and us alone . I did suggest to go get a pro-make-over---she said---"ME TOO"---What I'd llke to do is to one day do a Drag Bar Halloween event, but I fear that everyone would quickly clock me as a CD, and just not playing around.....hard for me to blend in, even in that kind of scenario. Seems to me, that too much talk about how 'most women' think one way, and the first one I found quickly engaged and supported it. If truth and honesty prevail in a marriage, seems to me all kinds of excitement, and normalcy is inevitable. Please know, I am all male, boy toys, boy activities, and in the summer I grow the beard, ride the harley(s), and polish the four-wheel lifted pick-up. I'd suggest that there should be less worry, and more trust be the rule of the party. Also know that I'm not a cowboy in a dress...........when the time comes, I'm good at walking in short flippy skirts, in high heels, brow cover, tucking, glamour make up, and with a corset can get down a figure that's acceptable, according to the 'chief inspector' !!!!! Just TOO DAMN TALL !!! Teased big hair doesn't help that any !!!

I met my SO at a LGBTQ support group hosted by my cousin. I was in full girl mode when we met so she knew from the begining. We are both what has become known as pansexual. We started started talking and liked each other immediatly. Initially we would go out to clubs as girlfriends. Our friendship evolved and developed into something more.

Bree

I've only been married once but I lived with a lady and had one child with her for a few years before I got married, I let her know I am a cross-dresser a sneaky way by teller her that I would like to have sex with her whilst dressed, that is with nickers bra pantyhose and a dress, she was all for it as she was very liberal in the bedroom. We only did it the once but I did keep dressing after that, We eventually broke up and went our seperate ways.
I eventually married a lady and we had 2 kids together. I was still dressing but only when the wife was out or away. Then one day she came home to find me with clips in my hair, I had forgotten all about them, I told her that I was just mucking about, then another time she came home unexpectantly whilst I was doing some work around the house, I was wearing footless tights or leggings, she said oh so is this what you get up to while I'm not here, so I just said so big deal. Nothing was said after that but I started to wear fem stuff infront of my kids, my daughter thought it was great seeing daddy in a dress. To cut a long story short I ended up wearing all sorts of fem clothes in front of the wife, I'm sure she hated it, we were married 27yrs when she told me she wanted a divorce. I was shocked at first but then relieved as the marrage was a nightmare in other ways. She told me she wasn't happy.
Since my divorce I have dated a few women but only ever told one about my crossdressing she was ok with it at first then broke it off because of it.
I have 4 female friends and one male friend that know, 2 of the females I have actually been out with whilst dressed, I have 3 female and one male work colleagues that also know and have seen me in person or pictures of me dressed, I also have one nephew that has seen me dressed. None of these friends care that I dress as far as they are concerned I can do what I like and know one should critisise me for it.
I'm sure most of my neighbours know also because I don't hide it from them.

As stated before My wife knew from the beginning she has been nothing but supportive and understanding throughout our relationship.I also have GG Friends who,are cool with this side of me.Of course there's been the less than positive side too,but over the piece I have been luckier than a lot

But again I see from Sometimes Miss her derision of another positivite post,it's not the first time they have shot down posts whether it's positive experiences when out en femme.Or successful relationships between CDs and their significant others,I've had personal experience of it on here myself,quite why that is I have no idea but it does become very tedious.Dont be afraid to post your positive experiences Michellebej

Sophie

I have had one intimate relationship in my life, quite possibly one more than I deserved. I did not tell her in the first dozen or so years of our marriage. She has now known longer than she has not...

I consider it a part of the ending of the intimate relationship. We just did not handle that part well, in those early years, but it's water under the bridge now. She has no interest in it, and in that spirit, I won't share nor ask permission to exist.

The only other close GG in my life that knows is my sister. Her reaction was, "It explains a few things." and "I still love and respect you."
Can't ask for better there really. Even at that, I don't make it a focus of conversation.

My apologies to all, I did not intend my post to disparage the OP post or her relationship, again my apologies.

is it really that common for SO's to leave their CD/Trans SO?
Yes - Depending on when the spouse finds out - The longer one waits the more certain the 'leaving" occurs
Or do we just hear about the bad relationships?
No, there are posts about both good and bad relationships - The younger you are the more open the spouse generally is. (I think it is the change in societal acceptance)
And I just really lucky?
It's possible, Mayby test it by being the wingman for a TG/CD friend.
Or have I subconsciously found a "type" that is accepting of our lifestyles.
you could be more attuned to people who are open to the GLBT Life