Coming Out Letters or Emails - no discussions please
Several members have suggested that we have a sticky thread with examples of letters or emails you have used to come out as TS to those around you.
If you want comments on your own letter/email, please start a separate thread, then when you are happy with your letter/email post it here for others to see.
Please do not reply to these letters or email in this thread. If you would like to comment and there is not an open thread, please contact the member by PM (s)he can then decide whether or not to start a thread.
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My coming out email, and Facebook post
[Back in July, I came out at work and then to all my friends on Facebook.
Here is the email that I sent to my group leader, my VP, the CEO, and the HR person:
The Short Form: I am changing my name to "Anna Xxx".
The Long Form:
I am in the process of making a very significant change in my life.
After many years of struggling with my gender identity and having
invested a significant amount of time in therapy exploring my gender
issue, I am now acknowledging my gender dysphoria. I have started to
make the transition to live my life as a woman. This change will make
for a better, richer, and more true reflection of who I am. I am
undergoing this transition under medical care of a gender specialist
physician.
I want to minimize the impact of my personal change to My_Companys_Name. At
the risk of being cliche'd, I would like to assure you that, though I
will undergo some physical changes, I will still be very much the same
person. My_Companys_Name can count on my continued effort and dedication.
I hope, but definitely do not take for granted, that I will have
understanding and support from you as well as the rest of the
My_Companys_Name family.
I told my wife of my decision last September. Not surprisingly, the
news impacted her greatly. We have since discussed my gender issue
and our feelings about that at length. She understands that this is a
necessary and beneficial change for me. She understands that living
my life as a woman will make me much happier. I am very fortunate
that she now fully supports my decision. Indeed, in the past few
months, with her full support, I have lived part-time as a woman. Her
love and support truly gives me a solid foundation from which to
launch my future life.
My transitioning to living full time as a woman is obviously a very
significant step. In order to soften the impact of this news on
My_Companys_Name, I am making this announcement well in advance to this
limited audience, the four of you. I would like to work with all of
you on a plan to announce this to the rest of My_Companys_Name. I would
consider the transition successful if we as a group can achieve the
following:
o Careful, collaborative transition planning.
o Support from everybody, up to the highest level.
o Proper and sufficient education on gender issues, and sensitive
management of information.
For my part, you can count on:
o My continued conduct and performance as a professional who reflects
the My_Companys_Name spirit of Passion, Ownership and Creativity.
o Gracious, diplomatic behavior.
o My ability to present myself unambiguously as a professional woman.
What will happen going forward?
Over the next three weeks, I'd like to work with you on a plan to
announce to the company, with a target of informing everyone at the
end of July. First, I would like to sit down with each of you to
discuss this and address your questions. Next, we will need to work
out details ranging from the mundane such as changing email ID and
system credentials, etc. to the actual announcement to the company and
my first day at work as Anna. For the announcement, I would like to
suggest that it resemble this email, addressing the same points,
together with setting expectations on things such as pronoun usage
("she" and "her"), which restroom I will use, etc.
I have obtained, with the assistance of an attorney, a court order
granting change of name and change of gender marker. (I am keeping my
Vietnamese middle names "Xxx", changing only my English first
name from "Xxx" to "Anna".) Over the next few weeks, I will be
making changes to official documents: driver's license, passport,
Social Security record, Certificate of Naturalization (my "citizenship
papers"), etc.
I am aware that this news, and all this information, will be difficult
to digest. My_Companys_Name is a great place, with a wonderful sense of
camaraderie. I feel that my coming-out is an act of trust reflective
of, and made possible by, the great environment that we have built
here at My_Companys_Name. I look forward to working through this with all
of you and to continuing to work with you and the rest of the
My_Companys_Name family to perpetuate My_Companys_Motto.
--
Anna Xxx
P.S. Here are some links that I thought would be useful:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...related_topics
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans_women
Here is what I posted as a "note" in my Facebook account:
The Short And The Long Of It
July xx, 2014 at xxx
The Short Form:
I am changing my name to "Anna xxxxxx".
The Long Form:
I am making a very significant change in my life.
After many many years of struggling with my gender identity and having invested a significant amount of time in therapy exploring my gender issue, I am now acknowledging my gender dysphoria. I have made the transition to live my life as a woman. This change will make for a better, richer, and more true reflection of who I am. I am undergoing this transition under medical care of a gender specialist physician.
To use a well-worn but nonetheless useful cliche, though I will undergo some physical changes, I will still be very much the same person. Whether you had found my prose outshining Oscar Wilde's or barely bettering a blabbering baboon's, whether you had found my sense of humor knee-slapping mirth-inducing stuff or strained as "Flight of The Bumblebee" played on a kazoo, whether you find me as agreeable as a politician in the year of election or as argumentative as an attorney in a hot coffee lawsuit, whether you had found my sartorial sensibilities the stuff of haute couture or from outer space, you will find more of the same from me.
All the same, this is a huge change in my life and will affect you, who are among the more important people in my life. It may be challenging for you to now think of me as one of your female friends. It may be foreign and awkward when you encounter Anna initially, if only virtually. It may be foreign and awkward for you to address me by my female name, Anna. It may be foreign and awkward to use female pronouns of "she" and "her" when referring to me. It may be challenging for you, as it was for me at one time, to accept me in my new gender.
It will be challenging for all of us. I hope that I will have your understanding, love and support in this change, though I definitely do not take those things for granted.
I told my wife Xxx of my decision last September. Not surprisingly, the news impacted her greatly. We have since discussed my gender issue and our feelings about that at length. She understands that this is a necessary and beneficial change for me. She understands that living my life as a woman will make me much happier. I am very fortunate that she now fully supports my decision. Indeed, in the past few months, with her full support, I have lived part-time as a woman. Her love and support truly gives me a solid foundation from which to launch my future life.
I have also come out to my immediate family. My siblings and their children are happy for me, and supportive of my transition.
I have obtained, with the assistance of an attorney, a court order granting change of name and change of gender marker. (I am keeping my Vietnamese middle names "Xxxxx", changing only my English first name from "Xxxxx" to "Anna".) Of course, I will be changing the name on my Facebook profile. Certainly, now the "Xxxxx" pic will be more reflective of reality. :)
I came out at work, at Xxxxx, two weeks ago. I informed a handful of the "important" people, which include the "higher ups" all the way up to the CEO. I also informed our corporate counsel as well as our HR person. Everybody was very understanding, and extremely forthcoming and generous in support for my decision, for which I am enormously grateful.
This morning, I announced my transition to the My_Companys_Name people whom I work with. Their response has been completely and thoroughly positive.
Friday 7/xx will be my first day at work as Anna.
That I am regarding that day without dread but rather with much joy, is one proof point of why Xxx is such an amazing company.
I am aware that this news, and all this information, will be difficult to digest. I feel that my coming-out is an act of trust reflective of, and made possible by, the level of friendship that we have. I look forward to going on this journey with all of you.
--
Anna Nguyen
P.S. Here are some links that I thought would be useful:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...related_topics
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans_women
P.P.S. Here's me in a dress that I made for a recent xxxxx.