Therapist question

After some time away from therapy I've started back. The gender dysphoria simply got too strong. It's been good to be able to open up again about my feelings about being a woman.
Today my therapist asked me a simple question "what is is that stopping you from living full time as a woman?"
I gave my standard answer about lack of guts but now I'm really thinking, " what is is that's stopping me from living full time as a woman?"
I'm thinking alot about that.

So for now I've decided to take a bit a a step. I've travelling before as Stacey, a short train trip, even took a short flight as Stacey but now I would like to take a whole multiday trip as Stacey. Maybe ride the train from Texas to D.C. and back. It would be quite the test but I think I can do it.

Anyway I really do need to start living more as a woman. It's what makes me happy.

Interesting approach - testing your comfort level by traveling. I have done that myself quite a few times, along with stretches of a couple weeks without slipping back to male mode, even when I had business meetings. The interesting thing is that the RLE in those intervals of days and weeks showed me that I could function 24/7 as a woman, but the experience did not tell my what was stopping me from going full-time. I had to look inside to find that answer, and it all boiled down to conflicting wants, conflicting needs and conflicting expectations for myself.

I feel like the hardest <real life experiences> as a trans woman for me were more day to day things like going to work, seeing doctors, seeing your close and extended family of all ages, going to sport events and meetings other parents and teachers who occasionally ask if I mom of my daughter, and you tell them you are her dad, and watch a confused emotion on their faces. I guess what I am trying to say is that you will need to build the confidence to be you in those moments, when you can't go quietly under the radar as when you travel. The good thing, is that the confidence does build up with every positive interaction, but it also takes a hit when things don't go your way.

Was full time except at work! Came out to two fellow employees and asked about the boss/owners reaction! With their support I came out to the boss! She said, you have to be you! From then on 24/7/365! Flew pretty to Texas and back with no problems! Drove to PA and back with no problems! Trips en femme do build your confidence! Do it! Best wishes on your journey! Hugs Lana Mae

Almost four years ago I was dressing every day if I would stay at home. I could go to shopping may be once a week and of course to my monthly therapy sessions after it I would dress back to male and drive for Uber. I was already in HRT so my mind was quickly evolving.

One day therapy made the same question yours did you. He (trans too ftm) proposed me why don't you stay driving as Devi so live a "real" day as you?

I did it. That day was very stressful at the beginning. Just women passengers. Nobody said anything. Just one male passenger and did or say anything too.
Then things were in most areas easier.
I start just keeping in male just weekends for wife. Once I promised her (I learned to don't promise anything) she would have her husband on weekends bit soon it was impossible. All weekends I was always sad or depressed.

My mind was evolving seeing that so many fears were unfunded and I was living part time happy.

Next year I had orchiectomy, change my name and gender legally.

It hasn't be easy. Last week I came out to a "good friend" that was so evident for him but we hadn't had the opportunity to talk about. He answered me with a ridiculous sentence "I'm sad because I'm loosing my best friend" I didn't know I was his "best friend". Then he asked me why I wasn't a real man and keep living the last years of my life as a man,, I answered because that would had been really few days after to attempt of suicide so I chose to live longer and happy as a woman..
Since them we keep just business relationship. His wife answer was different, more acceptance but they have the hope I'll be back to church and be a "good man".

Last night I had a sad experience with one of my sons that finally, but in a no direct way express his disagreement on me.

I already done the sum and the resulying number for me is positive.

I could, in a million years, come back to be who o am not.

So what stop us?

Just unfunded fears and a negative view of the life...

I had a long list of things that were keeping me from going full time, but eventually I outlived them all. Promises to my wife were kept until after she passed away, my career ended, the kids grew up and were on their own. I started coming out at the same time I started hormones under the impression I'd stop if I found it to be somehow wrong. Each time I came out to someone new, I was met with support, love and encouragement. I'd been to destinations like Las Vegas, where I would spend a week as a woman, but never bring that presentation home. Eventually I would change at home and make the trip. Finally, during covid I found fewer and fewer reasons to return to guy mode and have been full time for about a year and a half now.

It's been a continuation of the process I went through in my crossdressing. One small step to see if it handled the dysphoria and if it did, it became my go to until it no longer worked. Then I would move to the next level up with the same results, eventual diminished impact on my dysphoria but an increase in confidence and skills. It sounds to me like you are ready to level up as you continue to move beyond the limiting factors you've set for yourself. Good luck and remember you don't have to meet any expectations or timetable but your own.