Milestone with the wife

A little background first:
We have been married a little over 20 years. I have been wearing panties full time since before we got married. Early on, I put on a garter/stocking set that I had bought her, but she would never wear. She got upset & it was clear that panties were the limit. I kept my dressing hidden after that.
I have never been interested in trying to pass as a woman, I just like wearing the clothes. I don't wear wigs or makeup. I dress as a "Man In A Dress".

About 5 years ago, I started wearing night gowns, which went OK.

About 6 months ago, I gave her a book "He's the Maid", which details how a wife can train her husband to be her maid...complete with uniform suggestions & everything. When she finished the book, I asked her what she thought. The conversation went like this:
"So, you want to dress up in women's clothes & clean the house?"
Yes
"who is going to get the uniform?"
I will take care of all that
"OK"

So, I put together a French Maids outfit, with stockings, garter belt, thong, bra with forms, petticoat, & a short French Maids dress. I have been cleaning the house in the uniform once a week since.
I have since brought out a few things from my stash, mainly a couple of skirts & a couple of bras. I have worn these a few times around her, either skirt, or bra, but not both, & only for a short period of time.

Now for the Milestone:
Yesterday, after I finished my cleaning as the maid, I got out of my uniform. I only took off the dress & petticoat, leaving on all the undies. I put on a long, flowery skirt & went into the living room wearing the skirt & bra, but no top. My wife looked up from her book & I asked her: Do you have a top I can wear with this skirt? She got up & went into her closet, with me following. She went to her tops & turned & asked me "what did you have in mind?" I told her I wanted something that matched the skirt. She pulled out a few tops & we discussed which would go best. We decided on a short sleeve orange blouse with decorative piping. She handed it to me & went back the living room to her book. I put on the blouse & went to the living room & asked her what she thought. She looked up & said "that matches well", & went back to her book.

I went about the rest of my day. We fixed & ate dinner, then retired to the living room & watched TV for the rest of the evening. At the end of the evening we went to the bedroom. As my wife was getting ready for bed, I took off the skirt & blouse & hung them in their places in the closet. I took off my bra & forms, stockings & everything else & put them away. I put on my night gown & we crawled into bed. Nothing out of the ordinary was said. It was as if this was our normal nightly routine!

It many it would seem like nothing, but when your spouse has been reluctant to accept your dressing it is a big step. Congrats!

Aww, I was waiting for a different ending...;) But still a big step. Hope it doesn't boomerang.

From your narrative I did not get the impression she is at all onboard with your cross dressing. Perhaps, tolerating would be a better word. She may be waiting to see just how far you're going and then the hammer falls. I'd be careful.

sounds like a nice evening

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

From your narrative I did not get the impression she is at all onboard with your cross dressing. Perhaps, tolerating would be a better word. She may be waiting to see just how far you're going and then the hammer falls. I'd be careful.

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I agree with you somewhat.
When she got upset early in the marriage, I think she was worried that I was transgendered & wanted to become a woman. Or that it would lead to me wanting to crossdress full time. I think over the past 20 years she has figured out that I want to remain a man & that I just like certain clothes.
I have been careful to limit dressing up as a maid and/or putting on a skirt or bra to about once a week. I think that you are correct that she is tolerating, more than embracing me dressing up. Because of this, I plan to present to her most of the time in all male clothes, & only occasionally dress up.

knowing her well, I think she is more open to me being a "Man In A Dress", rather than trying to pass as woman. If it is "just dressing up occasionally", that is far less complicated than being transgendered.
It doesn't seem to bother her to see me dressed in a bra, skirt, or as a sissy French maid, as long as she gets her husband back when I am done. She knows I enjoy dressing up & I don't think she cares, as long as it does not get out of hand. I plan to make sure that it doesn't.

Might be time for the "talk".

Clear the air, see where she is at before the big blow up!

Not transgender, don't want to be a woman, but you wear forms?

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Originally Posted by CharlotteCD

Not transgender, don't want to be a woman, but you wear forms?

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Correct.

I like to wear women's clothes. That includes bras & dresses. Bras & dresses (and other items) fit better with breasts, which I do not have. Forms help to get the clothes fitting better, so I use forms.

I cannot explain my desire to dress in women's clothes, but it makes me feel good when I do....so I do!
I can see why others want to pass. It is just not that important to me.
A new pair of heels....a new dress....a sexy bra....those I can get excited about!

I have tried to figure out why I like to dress, but have not come up with a good answer. A good therapist may be able to figure it out, but I have not needed an answer bad enough to pursue it.

I don't think any of us really have answers.

Take it all a step at a time, dont put all of your desire, needs, demands on the table all at once and go slowly asking for this or that

Solid advice by Bobbi. I think you are in a good place with your wife so keep things going, only you know your wife.

Congrats! Sounds like you're moving in a positive direction. Just take it slow. Curious if it was the book which made her change her tune?

Congrads are in order. Please keep us posted in about 6 months.

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Originally Posted by CharlotteCD

Not transgender, don't want to be a woman, but you wear forms?

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I have zero desire to transition, but I love wearing forms. It just completes the look.

Sounds like you have a nice accepting wife.

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Nothing out of the ordinary was said

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Stay optimistic, but stay cautious, and continue moving slowly. Don't mistake her silence as *tolerance* she could be too overwhelmed, too much to process, or just keeping quiet to avoid fight and/or hurt feelings.

Also another thing that may increase her tolerance/involvement, is getting clothes of your own so you don't have to borrow hers... Some women can view it as an *invasion of privacy or don't like their stuff milled through or *borrowed* especially by their husband, and she can potentially feel *forced* into helping.

Just my opinion, and no one *knows* you wife like you do. Stay positive and good luck!

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Originally Posted by BTWimRobin

Congrats! Sounds like you're moving in a positive direction. Just take it slow. Curious if it was the book which made her change her tune?

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I don?t think the book really changed anything. I think it brought things out more into the open, things she probably knew in the back of her mind.

The ?early incident? was about 6 months into the marriage. I had been wearing panties for some time. There had been some jokes about not wearing her bras, etc. Though we had known each other for a few years, we were still getting to know each other.
I jumped the gun & assumed she would be OK with me taking thing further. I think that she got a bit scared, wondering after only 6 months of marriage, ?what have I gotten into?.

I backed off & any dressing I did, other than panties, & went back in the closet. Now 20 years later we know each other VERY well. She knows who I am, what I am about & that I am not going to change anything such as getting a sex change.
Through the years she has probably figured out that I like womens clothes, even though there was nothing overt, other than starting to wear night gowns.

I think the book probably told her what she already knew, even if she didn?t realize it. She did not appear to be surprised by the book.

Knowing her as I do, I believe that if I were to push things & try to dress too often, she will protest & back me down. I plan to keep my dressing to once a week, or so & not push the limits. This will satisfy my desires without pushing her too far. Marriage is a compromise.

Deleted by Teresa.

There are some threads/posts in the "Loved Ones" section where some of the GG's have voiced their opinions. Communication, truthfulness and transparency are high on the list for a wife/SO to become comfortable.

Many of the GG's also talk about the "drip, drip, drip" method which is where the CDer gives out little bits of information at a time in the hopes that the GG/SO will get used to "more" a little bit at a time. The consensus among may of the GG/SO's is that it not a preferred method. It leaves them wondering what will be next. Many feel it's an unfair representation of the CDer to their wife/SO. For instance, they say they only like panties, when in reality, they want the whole female look, wig, forms, outings. Personally, if my CDer husband tried the "drip drip drip" method with me, I would feel like he is trying to pull a fast one. My question to him long ago is, "What is the end game?". The downside to the drip X 3 method is the possibility of a blow up and loss of trust.

As others have said in this thread, don't assume anything. If she is ok with panties, she may or may not be ok with fake boobs, etc. Ask!

Everyone has to do what is right for their unique situation. Only you know your wives/SO's and no one else can weigh in on lives that they don't have any clue about. The GG's here just give their opinion of what works and doesn't work for us.

When I came out to my wife, she had questions, of course, I answered them. In the beginning she was tolerant. I'd respected that. I'd ask if she minded if I dressed when we were planning to go out. Sometime it was yes, some times it was no. She was going out one day to go shopping and asked if I wanted anything. I asked if she would buy me a pair of panties, expecting some kind of blow back. She say nothing and came home with nothing. Nothing was said. We were out a couple days later and I brought up my request, she told me that she didn't buy anything because she didn't see anything she liked. We did find something that day and purchased it. That was about 15 years ago. Over these years she has realized that I am happier when I'm dressed. I have also admitted to her that I don't care what others think, not exactly true, because I am cautious about dressing in the trailer park we live in but I am slowly beginning not to care about it so much.
I agree with the other, give her the space she needs and maybe some day she'll be totally on board. good luck

This is what we ALL want, and many of us have spent endless years beating ourselves up over this and crave "acceptance", but you also have to turn the tables and look at it from your spouses point of view. She may of grown up being fed the same stuff most of us have......Men are strong, tough, providers, leaders, and protectors......Women are to be lady like, nurturing, caring, and feminine....and anything that deviates from that is WRONG, sin, gay, lesbian, less than a person, etc. etc. Hypothetically what if you came home and wife was in work books, boxers, Tank top, compression bra, and brush cut.....would YOU be instantly 100% OK and on board with it, with no worries with where it may lead or what will *others* may say if they found out.
COMPLETE honesty and communication is the key to success. Like Char GG said....no *drips*.... it can leave the other person in constant doubt of *what's next*???
My wife has know since our very first date and is 100% supportive. However, it wasn't an overnight success and may not have progressed as quickly as I would of liked at times, but it helped her feel in control of a somewhat powerless situation, as well as giving her time to process and accept/potentially allowed. Although we've been together 17 years I still do periodic *check-ins*. Her *turn offs*/things she doesn't care to see are lipstick and wigs(fortunatley I have gorgeous natural long hair...quite possibly the ONLY thing I like about me). Also, even though she has ZERO problems with me dressing at home and even buys make up and outfits for me, she is still uncomfortable with the thought of going into public with me dressed, and I have to be OK with it and NOT push. Not to mention she has enough self issues being in public because of her weight...the stares, the comments, the assumptions....... WHY should I expect her to handle her own issues with my own issues added atop hers?