What people say during a tantrum

Something happened to a distance family member and some drama ensued between my wife and one of this person's sister. And this sister went off on my wife bringing up tons of crap about her and our family. She called a mutual friend and was spewing more crap including saying that my wife was married to a "closeted gay" (the irony being the mutual friend is a closeted gay and I am gay or closeted). It bothered my wife all day, since she didn't start the drama and was just concerned about the family member's well being. Then my mother in law called her and talked calming that the things she said was not ok and the sister told my mother in law she should kill herself. Well that actually made my wife fee better since she truly knew the sister was off her rocker completely. More family drama ensued but it has mostly calmed down.

I was worried when my wife initially told me about it that I put her in that position to have it used against us. I feel bad that my wife had to deal with this being thrown in her face. Especially since I came out on Facebook a few weeks ago my wife was kind of afraid of things like this. At least it seems like it was a non-issue compared to everything else that went down.

Sorry you have to endure that. Perhaps your post should be titled, "What mentally unstable people say during a tantrum."

Asew, That is too bad. It is terrible when people get upset and start to spew venom.

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Originally Posted by MonicaPVD

.................Perhaps your post should be titled, "What mentally unstable people say during a tantrum."

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DADT spouse has dropped a few not so subtle remarks in the heat of the moment. But, my family, whose only acknowledgement of my proclivity is hinting allegations from a divorce, are now so caught up in their own little lives, we barely communicate.
And that's why I moved 3000 miles away.

My wife has four sisters, all levels on sanity, to insanity. One of them is pissed at the rest and the M-I-L for some reason. Of course she is ok, the rest of them are messed up, at least in her mind. Funny, but the M-I-L and the other four get along ok most of the time.

I see my sister maybe once a year, she is crazy, living her her world of self pity. I am the rich brother. I guess because I have a job, stable, and never did drugs and hung out with druggies and addicts. I have first cousins that feel the same way. I got labeled the rich relative twenty years ago. The whole lot of them are either alcoholics or drug users working minimum wage jobs if at all, and I am the "black sheep" of the family! My mom gets a little ticked at me because I don't make any effort to see them. I get sick of the abuse from them, "Must be nice to have money!", "Must be nice to buy a new vehicle!" They say it right to my face. I just fire back that when you have a decent job and work your butt off the rest is easy.

I could go on, but I know many of us have dysfunctional families.

This is why I don’t associate most of my family. For the most part it’s people you wouldn’t associate with except for an accident of birth. Chosen family is far more meaningful.

I agree!

My mom thinks just because we are family we should spend time together. I have many other friends I would rather spend time with.

My wife?s siblings are also all over the place. There?s always been friction over politics but with recent added stress some of its gotten nasty and personal. One of several reasons I?m not on social media (this sire is sole exception).

Oh boy, I just have to respond!

I graduated college on my third attempt in 1990. I racked up two BS and added the MS in the hope of ending up with a better job. However, the system was already failing and nearly all the jobs were gone, those that remained you had to be connected to get in. I wasn't, and ended up back at home with my folks. Since they were older I went back to yard work and cooking all the meals. My sister had a very lucky job with great pay and benefits and would come by to see the folks almost daily after work. It wasn't long until she started taking swipes at me for not having a job. I did get a job at where my dad worked at a quick shop--I worked on Tuesdays putting the candy orders on the shelves and stocking coolers and unfortunately mopping floors---with a masters degree! It was five bucks an hour and on those Tuesdays I would usually make a whopping $7.50 for the day! $30 bucks a month! And yet, even though I had it tough enough and the student loans were warming up for their $300 dollar a month hit my sister continued on. It finally got so bad that when I'd be doing dinner and hear her car door slam outside and knew she would be in the house in moments I would shut the stove top and oven off and stop slicing at the kitchen table and go to my room. I had to wait till she left or sit and listen to her harping and berating me about being a "BUM"!! Just moving home to live with the folks! And god forbid I'd had a few beers, then the notion of me being a "DRUNK" were added!! She actually started barging into my back room to add another hit with the ruse of using the bathroom down the hall! I finally had to place a chair against the door handle so she would quit! Unbelievable-

Family arguments are the worst as they hurt the most and there is no point in hanging around to put up with it, so I checked out. Kudos to me- I have come to realize that there are toxic people everywhere! The only solution is not to argue but to leave.

Sorry for your hassles, but I do feel your pain!

Shiny-

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Originally Posted by Micki_Finn

This is why I don’t associate most of my family. For the most part it’s people you wouldn’t associate with except for an accident of birth. Chosen family is far more meaningful.

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I couldn't have put it better. :thumbsup:
Many of my relatives would be produce tantrums like those described in the OP if they ever found out about me. I don't want to go thru that, so i would rather just never see them again.

My mother was the disruptive force in our family. Sometimes saying absolutely nothing for decades is worse than a tirade. She never acknowledged my marriage and basically abandoned her grandchildren. Basically, she suffered from abandonment syndrome after she lost my father. The short version of a long story is she did everything to drive a wedge between my wife and myself. It had an adverse effect on everyone. I stopped communicating with her. When she died a bitter old woman all I could think was "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" After she passed on there was a reconnect between my siblings and myself.

Asew, your post explains the main reason I'm not out to anyone but immediate family. I'm not worried about folks hassling me. It's THEM I worry about!:doh:

Why should they suffer for something I DO?:sad:

Asew, a sister of your "family member", means the sister is also a family member!:heehee:

Best thing to do with family members like this is to not pay attention to them.
Secondly have nothing to do with them from that point on.
They are just seeking attention and all they know how to do is try and make someone they are jealous of the brunt of their so called problem.
I had a mother in law like that and yes she was bat $*& T crazy.

My family ruined my life. But, i have had to forgive them as I have to forgive my self. It takes two to tango. I had my wrongs in it too, but i really cannot spend much time with my brother and sister. My family were all very unhappy, sick people, still are. I struggle witjh my own emotional and mental issues. All of us are loners too.

Ahh family - the stories we could tell.

My father bailed on the family when I was around 12. My sister and I were so glad that he left, we threw a little party.
I swore to myself that I when I grew up, I'd be NOTHING like him.

Maybe I took it a little too far? :cute::heehee:

Well everyone else is venting. Lol. For myself I'm a handyman and a lot of people ask me for help so I have many friends and I'm known as a all around good guy. My siblings are all professional people who are in much better financial state then me, but yet they hate that I have this good guy image and would love to find some dirty laudry about me. They recently ganged up against me and made a family decision knowing I was going to be upset. Now because of that we haven't been talking and because my mother let it happen I'm also not talking to her. It played into there hands perfect, I lost out on what they did to me and now I look bad for not talking to them and my mom. Family who needs them.

Sorry to hear this.

Family arguments often use low blows as they know what to say to make you upset the most.

I suspect those in the CD world are a bit more sensitive to this being brought up given the social stigma and especially for you if you've just recently came out publicly.

I don't know of any family that doesn't have issues. I'm not exempt, I haven't seen or had words with my sister since 1989. She thought I was the "Favored" child. There were no favored children in my family. I just overheard the arguments my parents had with her. ( I couldn't help but not hear them) I just didn't do what she tried to get away with. She, on the other hand, didn't see it that way.

I had an uncle that thought it was just horrible that I wasn't in contact with her, and told me so. He never knew that I could have given her everything I had, and it still wouldn't have been enough for her.

Bottom line, you have to play it by ear. As much as you'd like to come out to family, it might not be such a hot idea.

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Originally Posted by Micki_Finn

This is why I don?t associate most of my family. For the most part it?s people you wouldn?t associate with except for an accident of birth. Chosen family is far more meaningful.

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I agree for the most part. I used to consider those I went to war with to be my closest family, but over the years, we lose contact and politics splits us more than I ever realized. Would also add though, since genealogy became a passion, I've connected with family that I didn't know existed, and some actually have a lot more in common with me than I ever expected. Apparently I have a MTF second cousin I never knew about til recently.

But I digress. To the OP's point, I too worry about this being a problem. The only family who know the full extent of my CDing are my wife and her younger sister.

This should be required reading for those who feel the urge to come out.

It's reashuring to know that we are in good company, I can't tell all of you how much I enjoy this forum and the people here.

Here's one from the annals of gay history. Way back in the 1980s when being gay and out often caused conflict, I visited a public restroom in San Francisco. One person, in a VERY ANGRY hand, wrote on the wall: "MY MOTHER MADE ME A HOMOSEXUAL!!" Another, in a very glib hand answered: "Gee, if I gave her the wool, could she make me one too?" I burst out laughing at the juxtaposition of these two mutually exclusive mindsets. One got hooked by his mother's drama, the other let it go. I'm not immune and can still get hooked but I try to remember that another's drama says far more about them than it does about me, or anyone else.

Crossdressing is fun, mind-expanding, and harms no one. It is, therefore no one else's business if we do.

Years ago, when I was working at a College of Education, I observed a primary school lesson in which the student teacher used a comic strip of a family argument to get the kids in the class to open up about their family lives. And they did. Kid after kid described how their parents used to fight and argue with one another. But one lovely young girl said, "My parents never fight."

There was dead silence.

I am with her on this one. Our family members all get along just fine. We never argue or fight.

Perhaps I'm just the lucky one!

I am like GaleWarning. My family gets along well. I have quite a few cousins and when there is a big family picnic everyone gets along. Some of my relatives are very well off and some live paycheck to paycheck. We accept each other for what we are. I was also very fortunate to have married a lovely lady whose family was very tight and full of fun. The basic rule when around them was get them before they get you with the practical jokes. We are now divorced and though I don't really miss the ex that much,I really do miss my in-laws.

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Originally Posted by GaleWarning

Years ago, when I was working at a College of Education, I observed a primary school lesson in which the student teacher used a comic strip of a family argument to get the kids in the class to open up about their family lives. And they did. Kid after kid described how their parents used to fight and argue with one another. But one lovely young girl said, "My parents never fight."

There was dead silence.

I am with her on this one. Our family members all get along just fine. We never argue or fight.

Perhaps I'm just the lucky one!

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No new posts for three days.
The same thing happened in the classroom.
All the tales of bitterness and dissent ceased.

Peace, love and joy to you all.
Gale