A Question

I have always been lacking in masculine physical attributes which caused me embarrassment when growing up. I have little upper body strength, no detectable Adam's apple, I am seriously underendowed and my face, particularly when made up, is very feminine. I have been dressing up regularly for many years and have been exploring the reasons for this with my therapist.
Do you think my physique is the reason I was attracted to presenting as a woman, or is my body, and my desire to dress, something more significant and means I am much more along the road to femininity and even inters*x than I realise?
I believe there are others on this site who have been considering this too. I have no desire to transition and I am only attracted to women.

There are many things which drive us to dress and present in the way we do. It is possible that phsyical looks could be part of your personal reasoning as you don't see what you may see as male physical traits and therefore desire a group in which to fit and feel a part off.

For each of us here what drives us and just as importantly what we seek out of it differs. Some will say they feel akin to " a woman trapped in a mans body" and dress to feel more how they do inside - perhaps one way in the hope of acheving or becoming female in terms of gender reassignment. For someone like me I am what I could call an "average" male and I dress as an expression of part of my personality which i see as female and let that show so I can feel whole. Like you I have no desire to transition and nor do I attemp to look, appear or be seen as male. If you see my recent post I want to be seen as a man in a dress which I now am being see as.

What ever drives you as long as you are happy with it then it is right. You may never know what acutally drives you inside, it may take years to work out. It took me aound 6-8 years to fully understand things and get me where I am now. At 46 this has made me execptionally happy in myself.

K

Lucy, I?m doubtful you?re a CDer because of how you perceive your body. More likely, your mind rationalizes that?s why you crossdress. There are a lots of macho looking guys who crossdress too.
I?ve spent lots of time wondering why I crossdress, and maybe someday science will have an explanation, but at this point I just accept that I am a cross dresser and think more about how it make it me feels- relaxed, natural, at peace...

There could be a lot of different reasons for what you consider a lack of masculine body form. It could be a low testosterone level, genetics, and a pile of other medical issues. But if your doctor(s) aren't concerned then I don't think you should be either. For a person with the behavior pattern we have it is kind of a blessing, if in fact your gender identity emphasizes the feminine side. I am sure it did cause you difficulties as a child - children are so cruel sometimes. But the fact is, many of us, male and female, vary for all kinds of reasons because that is just the way we are and there is nothing wrong. Also, keep in mind that women can develop a great deal of strength without developing big muscles. Big muscles are a result of testosterone's effects. A person can be very strong and not show it and they do that by engaging in a lot of strength building with exercise.

As for being intersex, that is a very rare condition when it comes to anatomical features. It is possible there is a subtle, hidden, non-physical intersex condition if your genes have mutations or certain micromutations. That would require genetic testing to determine. If you are wondering about that, contact 23 and Me and get a test kit, spit in the bottle, send it back, and, after examining what they look at, they may notice some things that are different. But I wouldn't count on that happening. Keep in mind that these companies do not do a complete genome examination - they look at certain portions of your genome where certain information on you is available. But they can pick up a lot of things.

As for your attraction to presenting as a woman, that could be related to your body form, but I doubt it. I suppose if it is a hormone problem it is possible the two are related without having a direct causal linkage. It is important to recognize that gender identity is formed in the brain and usually has little or nothing to do with the rest of your body or your sex. In the past that kind of thinking was common, but there is a general trend among experts to move well away from that kind of thinking about linkages of gender and body form or sex. Body form is a physical attribute whereas gender is purely behavior. Linkages are usually coincidental, buy they can occur through your genes. We are all different in a vast number of ways and sometimes those differences create more differences. But it can work in other ways as well as being coincidentally looking like a connection when there isn't any.

As Klaire said, as long as you are happy being you, irrespective of what that means, then there is no need to worry about it. And if your doctor isn't concerned then there probably isn't a medical issue. We often tend to compare ourselves to others with a view toward being concerned about the differences that make us appear to be "abnormal," whatever that is, when in fact we are quite normal for yourself. Just be you and be happy being you.

Lucy,
Count yourself one of the lucky ones , you sound more feminine than masculine but it's not a golden rule , the need to dress and dysphoria isn't that selective . Make the most of what you have as it's going to make your life so much easier in femme mode .

If you and your therapist find out why you cross dress and could address it in hopes of changing, would you?. If not, does the "why" matter? If yes, keep searching.

One of my guilty pleasure is watching 600 lb life. My family can't understand why either. In almost every case, that was an environmental factor which lead to overeating. Once this was addressed, the overeating was manageable. Its possible that your perception or the reality of how other treated you influenced your behavior.

I still wonder about myself. If I had not seen my mother dressed in panties and stuff as much as I did (I'm sure I was many many times more exposed to that than most) would i want to CD. I cant think of a single triggering event but lots of images that probably effected me somehow.

I am ok with where I am now as far as CD ing, and my wife is fairly supportive of where I am at. Hearing so many others say it's just progressive and it's only a matter of time before more happens has me concerned. Therefore I am spending more time on the why.

I don't think anyone knows why we do this. If they did, there would be a treatment or cure for the desire. Not being overly masculine certainly makes it easier for you to look like a woman so that's an advantage you have over some guys.

I don't wish to sidetrack this thread too much but Krisi's comment over a cure reminded me of a thread I posted questioning , " If there was a cure , would you take it ?"

As I recall , decided the answer was NO then and I still very much the same way now , I really do enjoy my new lifestyle .

The physical traits you describe strongly resemble the manifestations of certain intersex conditions. You might want to inquire with your doctor about possible genetic testing.

Instead of looking for something to blame for being the way you are. Why not work on accepting who you are and what you are?

Frankly I was a lot happier once I gave up trying to figure out why I am TG and started to accept that I am TG.

I mean I get it, being able to say "It's not my fault, "So and So" and "blah blah blah" made me like this", might work for people who think we chose to be this way or might make you feel better. But I know I didn't choose this, it's just the way I am, and blaming someone or something is not going to change that.

Well Roberta, if it is an intersex condition, Lucy and her doctor would want to know that in order to insure the best possible medical care for her in the future.

Exactly Roberta.
Why people these days always have to throw blame on something external for their situation.
Their parents, their friends growing up, the small town they grew up in, their religious up bringing etc.
Who knows why and really there is nothing you can do about it anyway so IMO its best to just accept yourself for who you are.
Really all this should be between you and your therapist or Dr not us on this forum.

hello Lucy,
after decades of wondering why I cross-dress, with the help of this group, I have learnt to just accept it. If dressing causes us stress and embarrassment why add to it by trying to find the cause?
luv J

Wondering about the cause or source of a behavior is not always about placing blame.
It could be about curiosity and understanding. If we are looking to place blame, than this is denying our personal responsibilities.
We would need to deal with that.

But understanding the cause from a "scientific" perspective could aid us in finding a deeper understanding of ourselves. And maybe a bit more peace of mind.

I will agree there are definitely times when asking "WHY?" is not at all helpful.

Lucy, I went back and perused your postings. Since 2010 you seem to be overly concerned about the relationship between your body type and cross dressing. I wonder also why I am a cross dresser. Nowhere along this journey which started around the beginning of puberty have I equated my body type with my sexuality or sexual identity, etc. I haven't gone around checking the size of other men's "packages." However, I see male body types all the time during the day, especially during the summer. If I were equate certain characteristics which you listed as indications of cross dressing, then the percentage of self reported cross dressers is grossly understated.

I suffered from underdevelopment of muscles. Back in high school it bothered me. I consumed protein pills. I ate like a pig. I gained no weight. At one time I was six foot one+ and 138 pounds. I did feel I would be unattractive to women/girls. Basically, I am also deficient in body hair. Due to a change in metabolism and military service I did end up a six foot one and 175 pounds. I had no problem attracting women. The lack of hair persisted. My wife says my lack of hair, especially on my legs and underarms, is "wasted on a guy."

I shy away from going out en femme because my facial features and height will draw scrutiny. I see ladies on this sight who are a little overweight and short. Their faces are rounder. Their Adam's apples are concealed. I think they are truly passable because their body types does hide their maleness. Did that contribute to them becoming cross dressers? Or does their body types just make it more possible to fly under the radar?

I looked at your picture posting from a couple of years ago. I think you do look like a woman in those pictures. Would you rather be seeing a therapist for any cross dressing issues and clock in as six foot four, 230 pounds, beer belly and hairy as an ape?

I do get a sense that you have issues with self acceptance.

Micki, I think your's is good advice!

The 1st thing I did when I began dressing at age 50+ was have my T levels tested. They were a bit low but the doc said quite normal for a man my age.:thumbsup: