Slight dilemma! Any thoughts?

I go to several cd clubs, the other week at one of these I see someone I know, he is dressed normally, as a bloke that is. It’s someone I know but haven’t seen for a few years but he would still know a lot of the people I know, I don’t think he recognised me and I just avoided any close quarter encounters with him that evening. I thought he might be there by chance or perhaps to meet someone: the bar staff or something.
So next time I’m there he’s there again and once again just dressed normally except this time he definitely seems to be chatting to some of the ‘girls’. I managed to avoid bumping into him again but now I’m not sure what to do, do I say hi remember me? Risking the fact that it might out me completely if he tells our mutual acquaintances or if he’s there as an ‘admirer’ do I risk some other sort of outcome! Or do I just hope he doesn’t ever recognise me and just carry on regardless?
Trouble is its sort of affecting my enjoyment of the evenings, and what happens if he starts turning up at some of the other clubs I frequent?
My brazen self tells me to just get it out of the way and say hello, but I’m not sure.
Anyone got any thoughts?
Amanda

I don't think you have anything to worry about. As Katie said, he was there too. Imagine the story he would tell his friends.

"Hey, mate."

"Yeah?"

"I was at this CD club/bar and..."

"What were you doing in a CD club/bar?"

"Um..."

Like clutching to a lit firecracker.

So he was there. Do you really trust him with knowledge of "you" ? Sure, he knows the score about cding, but what does that mean in the end /
Leave him be.
~Samm

[Cue cool spy music]

Seeing how he was there on more then one night leads us to believe it is no longer a case of "so who comes to this bar?" or "I only stopped in for a beer".

So, you have 5 choices.
1) Stop going there, & hope to not see him at other like bars.
Phewwy! It's your bar, you like it, bad idea so lets move on.

2) Ignore him & hope he goes away before seeing you.
Again, bad idea, Your just not going to have fun there always wondering if he is just around the corner.

3) Have a friend [do some recon] & chat him up.
If you don't happen to know any of the people he has already been talking to, then have a friend play pointman & get some info as to the whys & hows of him being there.

4) Don't like the 4th grade note passing idea above?
Then just suck it up, walk up to him & be yourself.

Remember - he is also repeatedly in a bar that caters to CD's & I'm guessing GLB as well?

So it comes down to M.A.D. or Mutually Assured Destruction.

He will most likely not out you [to mutual friends] for fear of being outed himself.

Something to remember as well.........
He could be a fellow closeted girl getting his feet wet & checking out the scene before coming out.


Bet you though I forgot about #5 huh?

5) If you know he is there on certain nights take a nite off sort of speak & go there in drab.
It will make talking with him easier & lessen the shock value.
And if he is there for reasons other then CD'ing he won't know about you upfront.

If it's meant for him to meet you as Amanda, he will.:)

Thanks Sam(s) I like five options so much more liberating than just the one. Trouble is I think he still has the deniability card as he could say “hey Amanda’s not all woman!” without saying how he found out.

Brittany, mmmm Sea Kat: Weymouth to St Marlo, day trip maybe. Sounds fun Katie!

Keep the suggestions coming? How much is a hit these days?

[SIZE=4]Who knows? He might turn out to be a great friend and supporter. After all, he is in "your" club.[/SIZE]

Good points Samantha, but, one, he may already be outed in which case, he may not respect one's privacy regarding others knowing.

I like the idea of having someone checking him out on ones' behalf before any confrontations. Hey, gg's regularly have a friend call them on a cell phone during the first 15 minutes of a first date to either say the date is going ok, or, oh an emergency, I have to leave,, thanks for the date but sorry.

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Originally Posted by Amanda Shaft

Trouble is I think he still has the deniability card as he could say “hey Amanda’s not all woman!” without saying how he found out.

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Ok, So does that mean that your mutual friends know you only as Amanda?

You lost me on this one, lol.:doh:

I agree with what Katie had to say

JoAnne Wheeler

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Originally Posted by SamanthaM

[Cue cool spy music]

Bet you though I forgot about #5 huh?

5) If you know he is there on certain nights take a nite off sort of speak & go there in drab.
It will make talking with him easier & lessen the shock value.
And if he is there for reasons other then CD'ing he won't know about you upfront.

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Hey I like #5 best! I also agree that you have little to worry about him outing you as he will certainly out himself in the process.

#5 I would go with, but otherwise treat him as a dangerous tourist (in spite of his scintilating conversation)
~Samm

HA! Come on, he was at a TG club and you are worried that he might out you?

The only reason he would out you is if he has a big mouth about everything.
If he is not into gossip or spreading everyone's business, he won't say anything.
If he IS into gossip and such, then yeah you might want to keep low key.
You know how people make others to keep a "secret" and before long, the whole world knows?

ONe thing I have noticed about the TG life - I think all of us know about the unwritten confidentiality rule. Two reasons for this -

1) We have all been in the closet at some point and understand.
2) Since we are TG, it is no big deal to us how others dress. "John wears a dress to the club, yeah whatever... Hey did you hear about the DOW losing 6 points yesterday..."

It is a VERY rare admirer or sister who would out someone just for the gossip value.

I think your real concern should be, what if he wants to "be" with you cause he thinks you are hot. :heehee:

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Originally Posted by MlleErin

I think your real concern should be, what if he wants to "be" with you cause he thinks you are hot. :heehee:

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That would indeed show what poor taste he had and therefore I wouldn't want to 'be' with him. lol
Amanda

Say hi to him and strike up a conversation---there is a 100% chance he is there because he is either a CD or an admirer or probably both---guys don't hang around T-Girl clubs for the drinks or to watch football

before you do anything get plenty of information. i agree you should send someone on a recon mission. because if you out yourself to him you can't take it back the the damage .... well you get the point

Amanda, it seems as if your aquaintance is a very open minded person to be frequenting the CD clubs, even though he may not be a dresser himself. If I was in your situation, I would probably try to get as close to him and the ones he's conversing with and try to eavesdrop on the conversation. Although I would also try to avoid being too conspicuous in doing so. If I determined that his intentions were those of acceptance, I would certainly out myself to him.:2c:

Trust your instincts.

Amanda, this is what I think you should do. The next time you see this individual in a cd club you should walk right up to him and introduce yourself. If he is not a cd himself then he most certainly is an admirer. I think there is no chance that he is going to out you because he would be outing himself by doing so. There is not much for you to worry about here. You just might develope a close friendship with him.

Call me paranoid. But when one person knows a secret its a secret. When two know, it becomes news.

I wouldn't do a thing, myself. I'd just continue going to the club and have fun. It is probably very doubtful that he would clock you dressed as Amanda if he hasn't seen you in a few years. Your completely off his radar.

I had a close call myself about a week ago. I was at a Walgreens (pharmacy chain in the states) looking over the makeup ailse when I see a couple walk past behind me. I caught the guy out of the corner of my eye and it is someone I work around. I about freaked out inside, but made sure to not move an inch and focused on what I was looking at. He is a very macho type that always has his chest puffed out. If he had clocked me and blabbed to just one other coworker, everyone would have known about my secret in just minutes. I am most definitely not ready for that!

Go to the club, have fun. If he happens to talk to you, don't let on unless he recognizes you. It's my bet he won't. You've got the "stones" to go out dressed, why let someone take that away. Also my bet, if he's not dressed, he's gay and doesn't want to be outed either.

Next time you see him, talk with him. He will either be happy to see a friend or incredibly embarrassed. It would be very unlikely for him to out you.

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Originally Posted by SamanthaM

[Cue cool spy music]
5) If you know he is there on certain nights take a nite off sort of speak & go there in drab.

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Thats a good idea, I wonder what the difference in attention you would get going in both modes? I have only gone in drab a few times but wonder how the difference would be? I have gone so many times enfemme I think I would feel nervous going drab, kind of uncomfortable like the first time I ever went out enfemme. Would be interesting to see which way is better treatment, I am assuming enfemme you would get nicer service. Might be a neat little experiement to try. whenever I go anywhere enfemme, I get wonderful service, heck 2 clubs I goto I have earned VIP cards so I never pay a cover anymore or get ID'd and get the best house seats near the staff and stage for shows, dont think I would get that in drab.

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Originally Posted by Amanda Shaft

he could say “hey Amanda’s not all woman!” without saying how he found out.

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Originally Posted by SamanthaM

Ok, So does that mean that your mutual friends know you only as Amanda?

You lost me on this one, lol.:doh:

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I can't figure out if Amanda's worried about this guy finding out she dresses, or that she goes to CD clubs? And he already thinks of her as a woman?!:brolleyes:

When I used the term “He might say Amanda’s not all woman” it was a euphemism rather than saying “Fred (real name changed to protect the guilty) is a cross dresser”. So he doesn’t know me as Amanda, what I’m concerned about is that he will realise who Amanda is and tell all our mutual friends and acquaintances. Sorry for any confusion.

Anyway last night different club same guy! Do you think he’s stalking me?lol.
He was there as I walked in and as I had a real short dress on I saw him take in a good eyeful. He just smiled. He smiled in a kind off ‘nice legs’ way rather than an ‘I know who you are way’. I think I might just treat him as if I don’t know him unless a situation arrives where I have to speak to him, like at the bar or something, when I might have to think quick.
Still not sure really, keep the advice coming.
Hugs Amanda

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Originally Posted by Omjessi

I don't think you have anything to worry about. As Katie said, he was there too. Imagine the story he would tell his friends.

"Hey, mate."

"Yeah?"

"I was at this CD club/bar and..."

"What were you doing in a CD club/bar?"

"Um..."

Like clutching to a lit firecracker.

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I was thinking the same thing.

He is there for a reason not just out of curiosity. Just be yourself and no harm will come.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amanda Shaft

rather than saying “Fred (real name changed to protect the guilty) is a cross dresser”. So he doesn’t know me as Amanda

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Oh OK, Had me confused there for a minute.
I usually just use my "generic default name" "Bob", lol

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Originally Posted by Amanda Shaft

Anyway last night different club same guy!
Do you think he’s stalking me?lol.

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He was at the other club before you, he could be thinking the same thing, lol. Sorry, just kidding.

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Originally Posted by Amanda Shaft

He smiled in a kind off ‘nice legs’ way rather than an ‘I know who you are way’. I think I might just treat him as if I don’t know him

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Seems as if he does not know it is you or he is really really good at hiding it.

Hmmmm, 3 times at two different clubs.
I think "Bob" is at least very CD friendly or one himself wanting to come out of his shell, or err closet.

I would rule out gay because it seems that gay guys want gay guys not "girls", if you know what I mean.

It is a safe bet he probably remembers Amanda from the other club now & sees you around.

If I were him & later found out one of my friends was right under my nose in the same places & avoided me I would probably be a little peeved.

I think putting off a formal hello might backfire if you wait much longer, it doesn't seem like he is going anywhere anytime soon.

He may very well be one of us.
One more thing, is he usually there [shows up] alone?

I think whatever his reasons for being there are enough for him to keep his mouth shut about your mutual hangouts & activities.

So talk to him, I think it will work for the best to get it out of the way sooner then later.

here's an idea... you said that he was talking to some of the girls the second time... talk to the girls that he talked to and find out what they can tell you! he may have admitted to one of them the reason that he is there.

Hello Amanda!
I have a similar situation where I go. It is possible that he is avoiding you as well. What I'm doing is just having fun and going about my business as if I do not know the person. If he does come up to you then you will have your moment anyway as if you had gone up to him. Carry on and see what happens. Probably better then you getting outing yourself and making sure he knows the score.