Final few pieces of the jigsaw puzzle !

Being full time for just over two years has had a few pieces of the jigsaw missing , all associated with my family . A few weeks ago my son phoned out of the blue and asked if he could drop in and see me while he was passing through , that went very well . He did make me smile because he asked if I'd made a special effort for him , I told him this was my normal look .

I had a bad time last week losing my dog being one of the problems . I normally see my mum and sister every fortnight when my mum cooks us sunday lunch , she rang to make sure I was going to see her so I took the opportunity to tell her I'm not happy about appearing as a man anymore . I agreed to do so this time so the problem could be finally discussed between her and my sister . My mum keeps making my sister the excuse so over the meal I asked them both to be honest with me , my sister tried to avoid it by passing the problem back to my mum but she made it clear she no longer had a problem with me so it was up to my sister . As we are coming up to another lockdown , I told them that they now had time to think it over as I now won't be allowed to see them for a month . As I left my mum gave me a hug and told me to drop in for a cup of tea before the lockdown started , so today I had to go back to my old home town to pick up some supplies and dropped in to see her . At first she didn't recognise me but then gave me a hug and we sat and chatted for a couple of hours over a cup of tea , it was really great , we were so comfortable with each other . She apologised for my sister's attitude but still couldn't give a definite answer to how she felt but then added that's now her problem not mine because I'm happy with the situation , I always thought that she would be .

The puzzle is now almost complete , it does feel good not to have the worry of my mother anymore , she just amazes me at 91 to have such a good grasp of the situation .

To add a P.S.
She was surprised at my nails and felt guilty that she doesn't do hers , maybe I should have offered .

Thats a good result, and as you say another piece to help finish the jigsaw. In addition, your sister now has some time to mull it over and will no doubt discuss it with your Mum. So often Mums are a surprise but now seems to be on your side. Good luck and stay safe.
Vikky

Hi Teresa :hugs:, Thanks for sharing such a lovely story, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

Teresa,

"Well played" as we Brits say. You needed to do this not only for your immediate life but the time when, and I don't want to appear morbid here, your mother will no longer be with us. Important because you could have been left with a deep regret that your mom never knew the real you. A regret that could have eaten away at you and bred resentment against your sister.

You've also enriched her life, she now has more memories to cherish.

You will of course with careful management be able to be part of your mom's support bubble. Lockdown could well provide time for you to discuss your new life in greater depth and who knows, mom could well be the catalyst to win your sister over.

Not a baby step, a giant stride for you.

Yes, doing mom’s nails sounds like a great idea. A nice jigsaw story. ❤️

Teresa, That is a lovely story and I am happy for you both and if your sister has issues it is on her.

Teresa I love following your story. You have done such a outstanding job building the most difficult jigsaw puzzle. Connie

Helen,
Also not wanting to be morbid but my EX- wife has asked /told me what I will wear when my mum does pass on but saying that seeing her I'm sure she'll still outlive us all . I often pull her leg over whatever medication she's on I'd like to give it a try .

As for the lockdown period , I've told her I'm going to stick to the rules and stay at home for as long as it takes , she fully understands that .

I've possibly enriched her life because she knows I'm happy , she also admits she doesn't fully understand why the clothes and makeup makes such a difference , I don't go deep into the reasons why so I tend to agree with her .

Connie,
Thanks for that , my thoughts are no one can accuse me of not trying to keep my family intact , it does take time to bring it all out in the open but I'm sure it's the only way .

Teresa,

Again being I hope practical and not morbid have you decided how you'll dress M/F for well, not just a family member, anyone else who you know should they pass? Have you broached the issue with you mom? Has she express a preference?

I guess living full time for anyone brings up these issues. Those things that thankfully don't happen too often but nevertheless are a fact of life we all have to deal with. Yes we want to be the person we are but it would be wrong IMHO to set aside the feelings of not just family members but family friends also. Sometimes it's incumbent upon us all to do things that serve the greater good putting aside our own wishes.

Teresa,

A beautiful situation between you and your mother. Made my eyes tear up. You and your mother gave each other the best gift possible - mutual understanding and acceptance. At this point in your lives that is HUGE.

It is good that you came to this before your mother either passes away or becomes like my 92 year old mother who has dementia so bad she never knows where she is and if you tell her 10 seconds later she again asks you where she is. Most everything you say, unless it is really serious and has a traumatic flavor to it, she promptly forgets. The point is, you two reached the point where you are before she goes into that dementia condition assuming that she does which is not assured. Enjoy your relationship as much as possible.

I suspect your sister just doesn't want to commit as she is uncertain. Her brother has become pretty much her sister. I am an only child so I am no judge of how that is for your sister, but it is probably hard for her to get her head around that concept. In her mind you are still her brother to a considerable extent. Be brother and sister to her. Probably not a great idea to tell her you are the same person because, in her eyes, you are not and it is also a bit of a lie. You are now Teresa who has a bit more of a male-like side than most women have even though your female-like side is clearly dominant. That combination is not unusual in GG's.

Told you so.

There is no way she was going to disown you.

I have been out for about five years now there is only one person on the planet that I will not visit and that is my wife, and I haven't seen her in five years.

Teresa,
I am happy another piece of your puzzle has been found and put in place thereby creating a more complete picture of your authentic life. Brava to your mother! Hopefully your sister will allow your request to steep a little and will have a change of heart.

So so happy for you, sitting and having tea with your mom like that for two hours is a memory you will always cherish. I'm certain the rest of your time with her will be "Brilliant" as you Brits say ;) As for your sis if there's a relationship there, it will adapt and grow around this new dynamic, if not its her loss.

Gretchen,
Sorry to read about your mother , I must consider myself very lucky , she still drives herself to the supermarket , no doubt if lockdown is eased before Xmas she will cook the Xmas dinner for the whole family .

As for my sister , it's a long story but we've never had a close relationship it's only in the last year or so since my separation that I've been joining them for Sunday lunch before that I'd had very little contact for years . So what she thinks about my situation isn't a deep concern but I hope she doesn't make things difficult for my mother .

Helen,
Naturally thoughts like that are going through my head , I guess it's also that division between TG and TS that would possibly dictate my choice of dress . I don't think my mother would object now she's met me but it does pose the question why being TG is disrespectful , my gender issues shouldn't affect me showing my feelings for others , I should also be respected for that .

Teresa,
Nice to hear you have some good news after all the heartache of the last few weeks.
You talked for two hours over a CUP of tea--by heck your Mum must have big cups (not to mention the tea pot! ) can i visit your Mum......... :-)
Liz

Liz,
You must be a mind reader , I made the tea and could only find the large teapot so it took some draining .

I admit losing the dog left me low so the last thing I could face was male mode , I felt I had little to lose by telling them I could no longer do it .

Call your mom and offer to do her nails. Do this before the lockdown if possible. If your mom takes the offer so much the better for her and you.

All our dogs (and Daughters)are still with us ,we have a large lawn.
Liz

Teresa, you are very fortunate to have such an understanding and loving mum, she must be a huge part of your life now with what you have been through, you must paint her nails, ask her if she would like that and go for it. It will be another little part of the bond that you have with her, enjoy and be happy