Encounters

To my sisters who go out into the world dressed fabulously: Have you ever run into people who know you in a drab context but not as a CDer? Was it in a context where they would have know it to be you, or was it random and unexpected? What was the outcome? Thanks.

Possibly.

Miles away from home I walked up to an eatery window to look at the menu. As I glanced inside I saw someone who I thought I recognised as a friend of a friend. Now I know he realised I was CD from his reaction but I quickly shielded myself with the menu board and walked away.

Now I met this guy at a Christmas party only weeks later and looked for signs of recognition but nothing and I count myself good at reading body language. So it either wasn't him, most likely, or I do a decent job of transforming myself.

If the person is half-way decent then they will pretend to be oblivious even if they did recognise you. I have run into people I know and to this day I am not sure if they twigged or not.

Monica,

I have run into former employees that have worked for me for several years and their spouses, I've been within three feet away and they showed no recognition either then or later when I have interacted with them.

On at least 2 occasions I have checked out items in a health food store with a girl 57 years old that I have known since she was born that goes to my church. I used my credit card to pay which has my male name on it and my frequent customer card on several occasions and she never reacted at all even though she always asks about my wife's health and chats with me every time I go there in drab.

Another girl I've known from church almost that long since she was born works at a Target store has processed my items through checkout and just treats me like any women she doesn't know when I am dressed but is social with me when I am in drag.

Two weeks ago a woman from church that I have known for 40+? years was going into our local Price Chopper Grocery store as I was leaving and we passed within a couple feet and she never recognized me at all. We both alternate Wednesdays delivering "Meals On Wheels" every other week and co-ordinate bi-monthly to work around our personal schedules. She and I talked last week with no mention of passing each other. I believe unless you have some unusual characteristic, or if you are with a spouse or in a recognizable vehicle people don't make a connection in most cases.

Suzi Q

I was working as fem self but not done up as it was a dirty hot work environment. So I had been working with this person 5 or 6 days a week for about 4 months at this time. I had left a tool behind and stopped to pick it up and this person was hollering at me. Hey can I help you? I said I'm just here to get a tool. He said the tools belong to the people working here you have to go. I said yes I know I need my impact driver.thays when he finally realized who I was. He swore up and down for weeks he didn't recognize me at first.

Before I ever identified as transsexual I saw a morning coffee friend at the Orpheum Theater in San Francisco. I saw her with a man and a young girl. I decided to go up and say hello and be direct with her and honest to them and to myself. She took it well and we are still coffee friends several years later. I took the direct course and am so glad that I did. I was able to meet her boyfriend, subject to many subsequent conversations and his daughter.

I don’t really recall ever running into the exact situation you’re describing. I’m pretty out with my drag, so it’s actually more common for people to know Micki first, then run into me in drab later.

Thanks for the feedback. I think it's important to share these experiences for the benefit of our friends who may be hesitant or terrified to go out in public.

In my personal experience, since before the pandemic, I started to go out dressed closer to home, which has increased the likelihood of bumping into acquaintances. What I have found is that there are two levels of being "clocked" or recognized.

The first is when any person pays enough attention to realize that you are a CD and not a cis woman. The second is when you are around an acquaintance and they recognize you.

That first level has happened many times to me. Most people are very mindful and discreet and carry on with their business. Sometimes, however, a person will react in astonishment or will go out of their way to comment. A sort of well intentioned, "good job" or "you look amazing" or "you're so brave" comment. That's all good.

I have yet to experience the second level, where an acquaintance, friend, or coworker recognizes me as me, despite having several unplanned close encounters. I chalk this up to people being consumed in their own reality, which clearly does not include them thinking about you as they move about the world. It helps, of course, when you are dressed in a way that makes you look quite different from your drab self. I'm sure that going out as a MIAD would not have the same outcome.

I have run into friends and coworkers at the store, at restaurants, at bars, at a nearby casino, etc. and they were impervious to my presence. However, I'm guessing that if they were ever to see me getting out of my car, or in the company of another acquaintance, it would be easy for them to connect the dots.

I guess the one clear exception was the time my friend's police officer son pulled me over and then told his father about it, but that was a pretty unique situation.

Many of us are hesitant to go out dressed because we assume that people will immediately recognize us and call us out. That simply has not been the case in all the years that I have been dressing.

I was in a dress barn on cloud nine, after a full day of shopping. I have three items in my arms, when I turn around and a friend of my wife's walks right in. I as comely as I could turn went to the chancing rooms in the middle (that separates plus from regular) hang my cloths on a door and walk out. I have seen her many times I see no sign that she recognized me.

I haven't been out dressed enough for that to happen. I've only gone out dressed in my hometown 3 times.

Actually that has never happened to me.
When the wife and I go shopping or anywhere we usually stay a little apart. That way if someone we know sees her they won't see me. Not that they'd recognize me on my own thanks to makeup and such. But not being together they don't relate the two of us. She'll give me some nod or I'll spot someone, but so far that's never happened.

Been out dressed many, many times locally a well as when I travel. I always try and dress "passable"..Skirt/hose/heels and a nice top/jacket. I am on the taller side, so really "passing" is not an option. I have never experienced running into someone I know, but certainly take that risk! Going out is probably the most enjoyable thing to me as a crossdresser. It is amazing how acceptable it is once you are out meeting people and having fun!

Funny I should read this today. While out at a local gay friendly club last nite, I often wonder if I mite run into a friend of my daughter? When I went out on the dance floor, it was so packed, everyone was butt to butt and bumping together!:doh:

It was then that it occurred to me, "These women r even younger than my 26 y/o daughter!" So, my odds of being found out were pretty low!:devil:

I was mall shopping at a neighboring town two years ago at Christmas time, and ran into a co-worker. I thought to myself, "Great." I had on a guy top, but wearing women's jeans and nine west ballet flats, but no make-up or wig. We said "Hello" and he kept going. Afterward, he never asked me about what I was wearing, only if I had my shopping done. Oh well....

This has happened twice that I?m aware of. On the first occasion I was out with a GG friend for dinner. The restaurant was fairly busy and as we were being walked to our table I saw the gentleman who interviewed me for the job I currently had. He was having dinner with his wife and the server led me right past his table. We would meet at business meetings maybe three or four times a year as he was not in my direct supervisory chain. As I walked past his booth he glanced up at me without the slightest glimmer that we knew each other. Told my GG friend about him after we were seated and she just reiterated to me that I look completely different from ?that other guy? she happens to know.
On a separate occasion was out with my same friend and went to dinner at an Italian restaurant near her home. Turns out the place was the regular hangout for a bunch of coworkers from another section of where I worked. Five or six of them were seated right at the main entrance. Since we did not work with each other on a daily basis the only thing we both picked up on was that we BOTH got checked out as women when we walked in to be seated. Since I was the first in the door I know all of these guys gave me the once over like they did for any woman who walked in the door that evening. Luckily, we did not have to sit very close to them and they soon lost interest in us.
Next time I had to interact with these individuals nothing was said nor a hint of recognition of where we had crossed paths. I am now convinced that connecting my female self and my male self is pretty slim in public. In my case hair, makeup, and clothing make me a completely different person.

It's happened three times for me.

The first was in a mall. I heard the voice and recognized it and walked in a different direction.

The second was walking into a Designer Shoe Warehouse and a woman I know was walking out and we passed within feet of each other. I spotted her, then avoided eye contact, and I managed NOT to blurt out "Hi Erin".

The third was walking out of Target with a shopping cart and walking in was a woman that I had run with before.

None of the three ever brought up anything to me afterwards.