Im ****** crazy and theres nothing i can do about it...

SO... well...
Honest to god i think im... psychotic or whatever
like legitly ****ing crazy.

I just... dont think like a normal person anymore...
I flip out/freak out at little things and vocalize in... these shrill... scary screams.
I know for a fact im autisic(aspergers syndrome)
Im DEEPLY addicted to online computer games and cant leave them alone...
I've often slipped into deep depression slopes and... I have really twisted and deepseated violent imaginations.
some are rooted in the fact that im born in the wrong body...
One of them was about me killing my cousin and taking her baby for my own...
Im DEEPLY and utterly obsessed with "diclonius." which are a species of homonid in an anime called "Elfen Lied" bascially all you ahve to know is they are born psychotic murders and have these psychic arms that can slice people appart, block bullets, and cause massive trauma...

So far the laundry list of problems i ahve...
Aspergers Syndrome
Gender Identity Disorder
Dyslexia features of dygraphia and apraxia
Bipolar disorder with features of rage(violent outbursts)
Anti social behavoirs
Extreme sensitivity to cold temperatures
History of suicidal tendancies and self harm.
Compulsive video game addict

Seriously, how the **** did someone like me get into the US Military?

I think some of it has to be rooted in my long history of abuse...

The worst part about all this is that im 100% completely concious of what's happening and im completely aware of all these problems...
And theres nothing i can do about it.
Im poor, I have nothing of value aside from my computers...
I Seriously need some sort of help or treatment.
I don't think i'll ever hurt anyone... I havent yet.
But i really do need help, or... I dont know
Maybe treatment in a neuropsychiatic unit... I honestly think im.... crazy.
god i need help and theres no one here to care for me or help me...no one ever has been...

All i wanted in life was to be a wife and a mom...
what i got instead was a body I hate, a brain thats so screwed up its probably deterorating, more than a decade of abuse, socialital norms leading to alienation and isolation...

Myojine, u r asking us for help. Have u asked anyone ELSE for help? Maybe doctors in the military to help u? Or, r u out now? If so, the VA has excellent doctors.

When I was in the service, they helped me. I go to a VA hospital now. I'm very satisfied with the care there!

Please tell us more about your situation so we may better understand and help!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Myojine, u r asking us for help. Have u asked anyone ELSE for help? Maybe doctors in the military to help u? Or, r u out now? If so, the VA has excellent doctors.

When I was in the service, they helped me. I go to a VA hospital now. I'm very satisfied with the care there!

Please tell us more about your situation so we may better understand and help!

---

Im being discharged from the military and i was in the national guard.
They dont give two ****s about my existance.

I dont know what you want me to say though...
you must ask teh right questions...
so please ask questions that i may answer... so you may have a better idea of whats going on.

Myojine, before you get discharged from the Military, is there a doctor you can see to explain everything you've just said here, and ask for medical help?

How much time do you have before your discharge?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ReineD

Myojine, before you get discharged from the Military, is there a doctor you can see to explain everything you've just said here, and ask for medical help?

How much time do you have before your discharge?

---

I wrote
a big reply
and
it
freaking
didnt post

k now im pissed off.

bascially no
the military isnt going to help me
nuff said.
they dont care if i live or die now.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Myojine

I wrote
a big reply
and
it
freaking
didnt post

k now im pissed off.

---

Now, now, it happens to the best of us, but there are safe guards to stop that from happening. You could have kept
a copy on notepad until it did go through an submit to the forum. Like a lot of your problems, I believe you need to
stop getting angry & stop taking your problems out on yourself & anyone or anything else because it serves no purpose
only to complicate your problems even more.

Most of here really want to help you but with your laundry list of problems, but I really can't see how any of us can?

The best person I see that can help you on this forum is yourself. I urge you to seek proper help from someone
who is suitably qualified & in a better position than any of us as soon as you can! Surely there has to be some
type of mental health crisis support in your area. Find out who they are and how to get some help whenever you
need it. And trust me - you do really need it!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Melody Moore

Now, now, it happens to the best of us, but there are safe guards to stop that from happening. You could have kept
a copy on notepad until it did go through an submit to the forum. Like a lot of your problems, I believe you need to
stop getting angry & stop taking your problems out on yourself & anyone or anything else because it serves no purpose
only to complicate your problems even more.

---

The thing is... the only place ive learned to take things out on is myself
I cant hurt other people... I couldnt forgive myself nor could i survive the jailtime.
Beleive me.... I'd be the jail house's prettiest inmate...

the only one that deserves to fell the pain and suffering of my fustrations is me.

Quote:

---

Most of here really want to help you but with your laundry list of problems, but I really can't see how any of us can?

The best person I see that can help you on this forum is yourself. I urge you to seek proper help from someone
who is suitably qualified & in a better position than any of us as soon as you can! Surely there has to be some
type of mental health crisis support in your area. Find out who they are and how to get some help whenever you
need it. And trust me - you do really need it!

---

I dont think theres anything anyone can do except lead me or guide me...
As for mental health places here...
Last time i checked they cost money or insurance...two things I don't have.
I think what I need is... some sort of inpatient something...
I dunno... rehabilitation or... psychatric unit...
Something to properly diagnose and treat the multitude of issues.

I hate being conciencious of these problems and then trying to talk about them... Its like... so estranged...
I wonder if this is how stephen hawking felt.
he knew he had a desease that would claim him... and there was nothing he could do about it...

I really need soemthing to help me cope with all the abuse and mistreatment I have received over the years.
I dont know... it hardly seems anyone cares about a simple estranged transgender in this world of 7billion individuals.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Myojine

I just... dont think like a normal person anymore...

...k now im pissed off...

I dont know... it hardly seems anyone cares...

---

Hi Myjojine,
those are a few of your thoughts which caught my eye.
I love your profile pic, by the way, which caught my eye too.

Like you, I'm often pissed off, especially when my work as a musician isn't appreciated.
(There are people who hate my guts for all sorts of irrelevant reasons.)

One main reason why I keep going is because family and friends emphasize how much they care about me.
I've a large real-life social network because bringing people together is part of what I do and I've been around a long time - almost half a century!
That helps me most of all when a bit of bad luck strikes and I feel my world is going to cave in on top of me - a much more regular occurence than most people realise.
This forum has opened up new avenues to help me cope with a very special part of my character which I have been hiding from for most of my life.

As for you, you can see how much real people here care about you and your thoughts in the various answers to the various threads you've started, although I havn't been able to read much.

Ah, just try to keep going - it's always worth it.
And I hope you can manage to sort things out for yourself.
Being so young, you do have time on your side!

Take good care of yourself
Gaby

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Myojine

I'd be the jail house's prettiest inmate...

---

I looked at your profile picture, no doubt you would be!

There are always free metal health services available but YOU are going to have to look for them. What about a trans support group in your area, seeing others in a similar situation as your own on a regular basis really helps put thing into perspective. If you really are as "screwed up" as you say you are the last thing you need is to sit around by your self.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aprilrain

I looked at your profile picture, no doubt you would be!

There are always free metal health services available but YOU are going to have to look for them. What about a trans support group in your area, seeing others in a similar situation as your own on a regular basis really helps put thing into perspective. If you really are as "screwed up" as you say you are the last thing you need is to sit around by your self.

---

... the first reply is quite disturbing.

And i hate people...

I think i'd feel better if i could be closer to my boyfriend, but... its like theres a brick wall between us.
i cant seem to figure out waht it is OTHER THEN THE FACT IM NOT A WOMAN YET, that is keeping us appart. or maybe thats the entire problem?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Myojine

... the first reply is quite disturbing.

And i hate people...

---

First of all, why do you 'hate' people? What has everyone else done to you for you to hate them?

Secondly why are you amassing all your issues & trying to deal with them all at once?

If I looked at life like you do I would have give up a long time ago. But the way I found to get over
that huge mountain of issues in my life was by taking one single step at a time & dealing with each
issue on their own. Take control on the issues that are causing the greatest problems in your life
before anything else. Once those problems have been brought under control then you can work through
everything else in order of priority & importance in your life. So why don't you take all the issues you listed
in your first post and make it into a 'to-do list' & start dealing with those issues instead of feeling sorry for
yourself about it? Don't you think it's time you put your big girl panties on & started to help yourself?

The one thing I learned about life that the best person that could help me was me & I am the only person
I could ever rely on & I know myself better than anyone else. So who better than me to help myself eh? :heehee:

I've found that looking to God, my creator when I need help has allowed me to get thru things. Many times when I rely on myself or for that matter others, things get much worse. When I started to learn about God, what his son Jesus did for me (Die for my sins so I can live) and accept his free gift I was simply lost in a hopelessly bad place. All I can suggest is to pick up the Bible and read thru the book of John, Chapter 3 in particular. If you find a solution there, the journey begins to a wonderful life. I wish you well and if you need someone to talk too, a good church, is any MCC church in or near your community. You can call and talk with the pastor. They are a very open and affirming church.:thumbsup:

Myojine;
Make sure they give you an Honorable separation on your DD-214 Papers
Also if you can get rated for a disability, It will help you get Help and
possibility money from the VA.
How long where in the service, and did you go overseas?
This can all help you when you get out.
Rader