I am headng into a new "new normal'...

And I have no idea where I am going or what is in store for me.

I am alone now pretty much by myself with no family and my wife recently passed away.

We talked about what I was going to do once she was gone. I told her there would be no more relationships for me...it would only be her and me forever.

But I would pretty much stay around the home because I have a lot to catch up with here because of all of the medical issues we've dealt with over the past two years, but that I was planning on being female while home which I hoped would be 5-6 days a week.

It's been 8 years since I last dressed to go out to clubs so everything needs to be new with makeup, practicing applying it all, and seeing how it works out.

But this will be my "new normal". There's a lot more behind all of this purpose and I'll more details when I don't have nails on.

Anyone else has been in this situation and would have any advice to share.

This process will be done in thanks to her for bringing me to this lifestyle, in her honor and memory to her.

This is going to be soooooooo INTERESTING!!!

I am sorry for your loss. I know one or the other of every long term couple goes through this loss and I cannot even think about what that time would be like for me. I do think that I would dress more in the situation you are in. I think I may even move to an androgynous style when out since I'd no longer feel the need to protect her from any unwanted attention.

It's going on five decades of marriage for me and I don't even consider if I'd find another partner. It seems healthier for me to just wait and let life take it's course at that point.

I hope that you can settle into a pleasant and comfortable place for yourself.

Very sorry for your loss. It is oft. times difficult to understand what is going to be next.
God Bless and pray for a happy journey.
Sara

My deepest condolences on your loss. It is incredibly difficult to accept and adapt to this sort of change. Healing and adapting will take some time, but you will move forward.

I "lost" my wife of 29 years, when we both realized that my crossdressing was an expression of my transgenderism. It took me a long while to realize that I wasn't going to die from this, and began to explore my new 'normal'.

On the positive side, you are now free to be able to express yourself, without fear of reproof or condemnation.

I hope that you can find some solace in these meagre words. And please remember that YOU matter, and are important. Even if you don't know who you are important to.

Sincerest condolences to you, Stephanie.

Best wishes for your future plans.

Thank you all for your kind words.

My dressing evolved because of my wife pretty much starting in the first couple of months of dating and events lead to me wanting to dress totally from head to toe correctly.

My wife was OK with this and off we went. The two girls were off shopping for some stuff on the cheap, because neither of us knew what it was going to morph into.

Pedicures and manicures for both of us...me becoming more and more girlish in time. Seems that I learned from my wife's direction that there was more girl in me than either of us imagined.

eventually, we would both have our girl's night out but separate venues and each with our separate friends, and we had no jealousy, no holds on who was doing what and all was OK in our marriage, friendship, etc, it actually worked out well.

But a few years ago she got injured at work and then going out ended for both of us. Didn't seem fair that I should continue to go out if she couldn't go out and I did.

Anyways I'll continue this later....nails are a PITA trying to type on a laptop.

Steph, u may not remember Jenny 22 who posted here a lot until she passed early this year?

Anyway, she only began dressing in her 80's after her wife passed. She was out as Jenny all the time, then. And, became very involved in the local trans community for a few years. U mite consider doing the same?:hugs:

docrobbysherry....


I was on here maybe back 2007 - 2013 and got away from it. Anything is possible going forward and I am open to the possibility of branching out off the dressing.

My ambition or motivation is in the tank at the moment but I've been told that in time will come back. I just have no idea when.

There are a lot more details that my wife and I shared with illness and such and how I became to be a female or as I consider myself as bi-gendered because of my wife and she was very open to it all...started it and moved it forward over time as well and we were very secure with each over.

My initial goal is to get back up and running in general and get motivated to get back into the makeup after not using any for 8 years and see just how good and transforming I can become. Again motivation is lacking at the moment.

I or I should say my thinking is trying to find maybe a handful of people who share like-minded interests in those areas my wife and I shared over 27 years together.

I'll never replace her because she was an exceptional person with great ideas and interests. But hopefully, I will a few who can fill in some gaps that are gone from me with her passing.

As a male, I'm broken and I really only have a functioning female side...another reason why I am going to go female most of the time.

Its been a difficult time during our time together will serious illnesses, but she stuck with me even when I strongly encouraged her to bail out and someone who wasn't paralyzed, but she refused. Like I said there are a whole lot more details and that's why I will do it in her memory, thanks, honor and love.

She's the one who got this all going...Love ya Honey...

Hi Stephanie,

I am in a very similar situation as my wife also passed from a nasty disease. I spent a few years taking care of her at the end.

I live in a rather accepting situation as far as work and community. These days I present as female nearly all the time. Socializing is easier because I look too much like a girl to pass as a guy.

I tried growing my nails out, but like you, I found it got in the way of fast typing. These days I cut and file them to look nice, and paint them with nail polish. I like pinks and reds that are obvious from a distance.
I also grew out my hair, as I have enough of it to look good when it is really long. I often wear heels to work and when shopping. I short so the extra two inches helps.

I really like shopping. There are a ton of deals on women's XS clothing so I've gotten good at buying stuff on sale at deep discounts. :)
Like it or not women get judged on appearance. The image I project suggests that I'm intelligent and good at conversation. It wasn't like this when I fell in the uncanny valley between male and female.
Last week the IT guy came down to teach me to an undocumented feature of our web content system. Took only five minutes, so we talked for another five minutes about our content system.

Marion

Stephanie,

I am sorry for your loss. Your wife was a special person for sure.

I like that you have acknowledged that you are functioning as a female. Move forward as you feel comfortable, and allow yourself to venture into the world as Stephanie.

Best wishes!

UPDATE:

Well, unfortunately, there's not a lot to report.

Motivation or ambition simply isn't there for me and it's just not about dressing up, but for everything in my life at this point.

About the only thing I've done is putting on some foundation and concealer and I took some pictures and showed it to my neighbor and she said it came out pretty good. But I didn't proceed past that point due to maybe a lack of desire because I know that it's not a simple thing to do the full makeup application.

Also, put on some nails for a couple of days...but unfortunately, my plan of staying home for a few days only lasted 2 days before I had to go out, and off came the nails.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to be home and have no plans to go anywhere and I'm thinking that maybe I should do the makeup routine tomorrow and hopefully not having done any makeup in 8 years it will be OK. Just hope it doesn't turn out to be a clown show.

The thinking I guess is a "fear" (I'm using that word lightly here) is it won't come out great and that's not going to sit well in the present situation.

I've got 3 new wigs and 2 more coming plus about a dozen of other wigs, some trimmed out, but most are untrimmed and I am not sure how I'm going to handle that.

Before when I use to go out to clubs as a female it was a blast, but I'm guessing the club days are behind me, and just living as a female 3-5 or so days per week is going to be my new gig.

But once I get out of this funk that I'm in, perhaps doing the girl thing will be my central interest going forward.

My goal is to really practice hard and learn, learn and learn .... then practice, practice, and more practice until I can pull it all off as best as I can...

That's perhaps what I want my life to be going forward in this "new life" that's out there for me...

its like looking in the mirror. my wife new about Carrie for many years after i came out to her . no problems! three years ago when really sick she asked me to stop dressing. we new she would die little by little. there were two things she would not talk about dying and my crossdressing. she passed away in may after 40 years together. now i can not get dressed i try but stop. i can see dating in the future but now i have to start the process of coming again. I met and old friend of my wife and I and are planning a trip in september and i dont know when to tell her about my dressing. only because she wants to come to my house for a couple of days at the end of our trip. I know after a day or so she will wonder whats going on.do i tell her before the trip during the trip or when we get to my house?

This is very difficult for you and I am very sorry.
I have time to dress during the day and I am getting very comfortable in it and I do not worry about being seen dressed.

But I do change back at 4 pm before my wife comes home and I feel bad I have to change back. That will be my next step, no change back.

I wish you the best and if I can help you in any way please just reach out to talk.

Natalie

Hi Natalie...

Thanks for the kind words ...they do mean a lot to me.

I've been in some very very dicey situations in my life that I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy.

That said, however, this is by far the worse of the worse for me. But I'll get through it trust me.

My dressing came about by my wife indirectly and I am going to gear it back up, now that I am alone. Hopefully, it will be therapeutic for me and I also am doing it in honor of my wife, in thanks for her being who she is and opening this door for me as well as in her memory and love we had for each other.

The sun WILL come out and shine again. Trust me on that one!!!!!

Best to you as well...

Stephanie

Hi Stephanie :hugs:, I would like to offer my sincerest Condolence on your Loss.

Your New Normal will take some getting used to , Only you know what way to go.

I wish you all the best in your new life's adventures >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**

Hello Blue...

Thanks for your post...

You said, "Only you know what way to go."

That's part of the problem, I have no idea where I am going or what I'm going to go down this new life's path or how long I'll be on it. I've even died once on Aug 11, 2019.

Dressing will probably play a significant role going forward and this was all discussed with the wife before she passed.

We'll see what lays ahead along this new life's path.

Stay tuned...

Stephanie334: My sincere condolences on the loss of your Wife.
Your story is very one of pain and I hope you will somehow find a way to relieve your sorrow and find your way.
May your Wife Rest in Peace, SuziH

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stephanie 334

Dressing will probably play a significant role going forward and this was all discussed with the wife before she passed.

We'll see what lays ahead along this new life's path.

Stay tuned...

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From the outside, it seems SO good for you going forward for you and your late wife to have discussed it all ahead of time. I can only imagine that would give you a certain amount of peace in your journey.

We'll all stay tuned and look forward to reading of your developments. God Bless.

I will...It's extremely difficult working through it all and coming out of losing a spouse that was so important to me.

There's a lot more we went through before she was diagnosed with her illness. About a year prior I put her through Hell when I threw a blood clot main artery to the heart ...6 doctors , 4 who worked on me all said I should not survive it. But I did. My wife didn't know when she left the hospital if she was going to lose me. A doctor who did surgery to open up the artery basically told her "He's in a very bad spot...prepare for the worse and hope for the best".

Coma for 3 days later I came out of the coma fine and left the hospital 3 days later with no issues other than a new stent...I'll take it.

So now I am going to sit back by myself as much as I can for a bit and get things sorted out and see where I want to go and what I want to do.

I haven't gotten caught up with the property I have from the heart attack so I have that on my radar to do between now and Nov.

Just got to get past this lack of ambition and motivation. Even not getting into doing makeup at the moment. Put on foundation and nails and that's about it. I've got a couple of doctor's appointments the first week of August and talk to them about everything. My eating sucks at the moment.

Just have to work through it all and Dressing seems to be my only interest at the moment either good or bad.

So we'll see how it goes. All I can do.

I cannot force myself to empathize too much because I cannot even imagine being in your place. I won't allow myself to imagine being without my wife of 46 years. I know that either she or I will face that one day, but I cannot borrow from the future. I do believe though, that it is a blessing that you and your wife had some time to prepare and discuss the future.

In March of 2019, I was experiencing chest pains, which were not unusual for me since I'd dealt with digestive issues for decades that presented as chest pains. The pains at that point were a little different and I ended up in the ER, just in case. It turns out that I had a 99+% blockage in my main artery and stents were added. Had I not pursued emergency care, I'd have been in the same boat that your found yourself in. I am very thankful.

My wife has had several medical emergencies in the last twenty years and the medications are as problematic as the underlying conditions. Her's is not a 'terminal' condition but I've watched a slow loss of function over the last two or so decades. We've been through a lot and I'm having a mini-panic attack just responding. I do pray that you'll find a place of equilibrium fairly quickly. Again, God Bless.

Hi Stephanie, I can relate to what your wonderful Wife went through with your problems,

4 years ago I went through that same kind of thing with my Wife, She had a near fatal heart attack
while in the Hospital and ended up with 5 Bypasses,We came so close to loosing her, >Orchid

Like everyone else, I am extremely sorry for your loss. Having gone through a couple of years of cancer treatment for my wife, I was facing the same dilemma. She is still with me, and we are about to have our 34th anniversary but it doesn?t leave me that her cancer can come back at any time. I wish you well on your decision on how to live your life, my only recommendation is to make sure you were happy and whatever you do

Stephanie,

So sorry for your loss. Sounds like she was a committed and wonderful partner and friend, who cared most about your happiness. How great is that? It seems I’ve read similar stories like yours and pray that you are able to have the happiness you deserve.

It reminded me of an experience that really started my own dressing. I shared my thoughts with my wife while we were dating, so she knew. Neither of us understood, what it meant, where it was going. It was 10 years before I dressed head to toe for the first time (per my wife’s suggestion)…but the pivotal moment I’m referring to, was a near death experience that my wife had. I was a new father and terrified of the future. It brought such a huge amount of stress for me, that I walked to the mirror and got to work…doing my hair and whatever else. As stressful as I was at the time, it brought me some peace that I needed at that moment…there was no one I could or would share it with. But when I have some of those tough times, my wife reminds me of that experience…and I remember that it helped me.

Prayers for you.

Stephanie334,

So sorry to hear about your wife. I'm in a DADT sort of but one thing I do all the time is my nails. I do a mani and pedi this way: OPI Bubble Bath, undercoat, one with polish and one with GEL.
You can't see it, just looks like GEL
Try it some time, it works for me. I have mani every three weeks and pedi every six.

Davina

Bless you and everything you went through.

Best of luck as you bravely reshape your life.