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Despite my partner generally being around when I?m dressed, much of the time I feel really lonely and emotionally isolated. It?s happening more and more and it?s interfering with my enjoyment of the experience.
Anyone understand what I mean or feel that way on occasion?
This is pretty common. Once the thrill of dressing at home dissipates, there comes this ennui of “what now?” and feelings of wanting to be amongst people and make friends and generally just have your female existence be acknowledged. I’m guessing you’re an “at home” dresser?
I think the best way to tackle these feelings is to examine what you enjoy most about dressing and lean into that. For some people it’s mostly the erotic component. For others it’s just living their lives as women and doing mundane things like getting their nails done or shopping. For me, I liked the creativity, glamour, fashion, and sexiness, so I ended up gravitating into Drag. So it’s just a matter of following your happiness.
I agree with Micki's assessment. We don't always know why we do it, but we should gravitate towards what makes us happy when we do. If you need to reach out, reach out. You'll find more support than you'd think.
I think I understand. If I was limited to being dressed only at home and only around my partner, then the world might, perhaps, seem as confining as a closet once did. If your situation permits, perhaps your and your partner might begin to expand the physical and emotional boundaries that confine you.
I think if you review the thread you started on August 27th maybe you'll see some correlation to this thread. I don't know if you feel there should be fireworks going off whenever you don women's clothing. Some sort of excitement. I am a solitary dresser because my wife and I are in a DADT marriage. When I have had the opportunity to be en femme I usually am doing just about anything that needs to be done around the home. You had indicated in that prior thread your partner seemed to be rather ho-hum about your cross dressing.
I have/had the same issue. All dressed up with nowhere to go isn't much fun and is probably the reason I started heading out in public. I really love going to the theatre now, which is great if you're not into the club scene. If you can't see yourself heading out, consider trying out a hobby to keep yourself busy whilst dressed. When I'm stuck somewhere I use the opportunity to make adjustments to clothes / sewing or practice improving my make-up skills which I've grown to love doing. You could also try baking! Maybe the wife won't mind so much if she gets a lovely piece of cake out of your dressing days...:yippee:
BeckyP.,
I understand you have progressed to this level with a favourable partner so why aren't you content with that ? The simple answer is we evolve , you go from daring to do the various stages to being comfortable with it .
Others have mentioned the possibility of stepping out the door , the point is if you haven't it is like jumping in at the deep end , the challenges and " whatifs " . At the moment lockdown has shut down so many outlets otherwise I was going to suggest finding a social group to test the water for being out .
It is different for me now I'm fulltime but I understand the process it takes to get there , sometimes it does feel like a lonely road .
For me it's kind of the opposite. I dress nicely to go places. Not much need for makeup at home. With fewer events / places to go to, I'm not dressing up much.
Becky, strange you should mention this, because it exactly where I am right now.
My overly restrictive DADT leaves me without many of my normal dressing opportunities. The excuse of attending sporting events alone that my wife has no interest in was my ticket to visit a CD friend who has since dropped off the face of the earth. With my go to destination snd place to dress messed up by Covid my only chance to dress has been when my wife or I stay for a couple nights at a family lake home. That hasn't happened very often this year but it looks like she will be up there a couple days this week and me next week.
The probably isn't a more lonely place for me to dress than a lake home at the end of a dead end road. Nevertheless, it is still nice to sit and look out at the lake in the evening with a glass of wine. The place might as well be in the wilderness as isolated as it is on week days but it still feels good to go up there with a suitcase full of clothes. There are a couple towns and a Walmart, thrift store and dollar store nearby where I can do some long overdue shopping. This week I will be devoting two full days and nights to getting my girly on at home and another couple days next week at the lake.
I am kind of a loner anyways and my dressing has always been a private thing so this will give me the chance to spread my wings a little. My compulsion for lists is starting to kick in and I'm excited just thinking about the possibilities. I am drawn to make some kind of public statement, a short drive en femme or something like that.
Good thought provoking post.
I hear you with the chance to dress etc. I like the statement: "..I am drawn to make some kind of public statement,..." I was thinking of going to a local cafe to pick up some take out with my skorts on and perhaps a bra with my small falsies but chickened out. Do you desire to be found out by some strangers, to say... "here I am, a cd I love it, big deal .." :-) Hugs DD
Before I came out to my wife I was "in the closet".
It was frustrating having so little time to be me. Then when I finally came out to her and she was accepting I was able to dress anytime I wished at home. Eventually it came to feel that it was "just a bigger closet". We are social beings and desire the company of others. When we joined a Tri-Ess group and began going to meetings that feeling dissipated and when the group began urging us to go places with them it went away at last. We would go to a local diner after the meeting, then the movies once a month and then we'd go shopping with other ladies whenever. Being able to venture into the world finally cured me of that feeling of isolation.
Now I dress mostly at home thanks to Covid, but I don't feel inhibited. I know if I need to go shopping for something I can and will.
Worked for me.
I can relate to this. Nobody knows I dress up and when I do, I get that ?what?s next? feeling. I don?t go outside like that so it?s bitter sweet, feeling nice dressed up but nowhere to go or anyone to show.
If your wife is supportive, and you are in lock down and bored, try this for some fun .. make your dressing sort of a party or game with her: let her select your femme clothing, dress you, style your wig and do your makeup; Then you do the same to her; each of you dress to the nines with your best clothing then sit together an have a glass or three of your favorite wine. Be creative!
I am in the same position. I am ready to go out again. Wife kind of had a scared look on her face when she mentioned that I would never go out dressed right?.
Well I am all dolled up and could use a good cup of coffee.
I do not like this position I am in. I have progressed to where I am happy with my look, but I am locked in by my spouse. She did mention that she does not want to get in the way of my happiness. Well, there she stands. Her way or else. I am too old for this to happen again.
Once u go out dressed? Your whole life could change. MINE DID!:eek:
I dressed in a vacuum at home for 10 years. Then, came out online and found cd.com. After 2 years here, I wanted to see what other dressers were like. So, I went to a trans event 2,000 miles away.
Since then, I've been to 20+ week long T events and countless outings to nearby T clubs and bars. And, met as many as 500 T's.:drink:
Almost my whole social life is built around Sherry, her friends, and my T friends now.:hugs:
And yet, I'm still a secret Closet Crossdresser as far as Robert's friends and acquaintances know!:tongueout
I appreciate all the genuine and caring input.
What next seems to be the question.
Hobbying while dressing seems to be the thing for me. A few times I got into rehabbing old wigs was fun and I might get back into it. Thanks for the suggestion.
For years, my opportunities to dress were limited and so I took every chance I could and then I moved into my own place and have lived on my own for 11 years or so and can dress how I want, when I want but for me and my situation, I don't really dress much if I'm just going to be sitting around at home and if I want to go out, the places that are "gay friendly" are limited and they bore me anyway so I don't bother. I have gone to the movies a few times dressed up and all of this was occurring before the madness in the world this year.
Shortly after I joined the forum, I met someone local here and we met at a local gay/bar dressed for lunch. And she introduced me to two friends, and they introduced me to two friends and on and on. Even though my wife didn't know, I went out a lot. It was great to meet other people like me and hear their stories.
Like Sherry. I found out about crossdresser conferences and have gone about 10 times. I met a local CD with an accepting wife and went a lot of places with them.
I'm paid in forward in that I've help girls I met here go shopping for the first time. I've help several integrate into the local community and several of them are full time girls now. One of them was so proud to show me her girl's drivers license.
It turns out that Steffi is an extrovert and hates being locked down. Boy me is an introvert and could telework forever, but since Steffi and boy me are the same people, boy me is suffering also.
Maybe you want to think about going out safely, and planning more outings when we get to the new normal.