Trying to find some clarity...

Hi again everyone, Eric/Erica here, thank you for all of your replies and insight for me last week, it really means a lot to me! I'm trying really hard to give some thought and time to this unexplored female side of me but it's been really difficult as of late. I'm currently working a full time, going back to school (online classes), as well as taking my daughter to dance, gymnastics, and girl scouts. My wife and I switch off on those duties, but my weeknights usually consist of doing that or doing homework/studying. On top of all this, my wife has been having some health problems lately that may require surgery in the next 6 months. Also, two of my coworkers recently left and the company has no immediate plans on replacing them, so I'm also taking on 2x workload at work. Needless to say, I'm under a bit of stress. :/

I do think all of this stress has triggered my urge to dress, which has always been underlying, but I've been able to keep it under control. I would love more than anything right now to get out of the routine for a day and find someone to help me dress up / make up like a woman. I have some gender confusion underlying all of my issues and I feel that I need to fully dress up as a woman and look into the mirror a few times before I put anymore thought into that. One thing at a time! With everything going on in my life, it's hard to find any time to pursue the female me, and timing to talk to my wife about it is very poor right now. Talking to a psychologist and talking on these boards is going to be my best way of coping through these times!

It's all a matter of priorities. Family has to come first and the time will come for you to indulge. This forum is a great place to blow off some steam.

Erica just take things slow and let the world go by. You will have time to explore on your own one day. Sounds like you have your plate full right now to take on the dressing too seriously at present.
You can learn a lot form this forum and know more what you want and need to do later in your life. I have found that it can be a good stress reliever and can bring stress into your life also if the time isn't right.
I'm sure you'll find this board is a place for much information and help in your struggles now.

Erica... :hugs:

I think your closing sentences in both paragraphs are your subliminal pointers to what you should be doing.. :)

You are under a great deal of stress right now... while it seems likely that your gender issues are contributing to that, outing yourself is not likely to reduce the stress short term. You are already seeing a counsellor and - as impatient as you might be for a solution - my experience is that you have to let those sessions develop before you can really gain any benefit from them... try to give it time - it's the hardest thing to do today because we live in a hyper-fast work that is all rush, rush, now, NOW! But these issues need time and space for you to be able to properly manage and deal with them... Rushing things when under pressure may lead to serious failures of judgment or decision making... please try to slow everything down. I don't know how the stress at work can be managed other than by pushing back gently on you employer - you're contracted to do A job, not three.. :)

Slow it ALL DOWN... Keep Calm & Carry On!

Katey x

Nikki -

You hit the nail on the head there. No matter what, my family will always come first -- another reason why I shouldn't rush into this. In my head, I'm not anticipating my wife to be 100% understanding and welcoming, but it's not outside of the realm of possibilities that she and my daughter could leave my life permanently as a result. When I am ready to talk to her, the most important aspect to address is that family is always #1 to me. That being said, I also strive to be happy, and if me cross dressing is a problem, we would need to find some middle ground so we can still be happy as a family.

There is very little clartiy in life, nothing is simple or truely black and white. We all need time to find ourselves and express who we are. Be truthful to those you love, and be aware of the consequences of your decisions.

Katey -

I've had a pretty rough day today at work and in my mind the first thing I want to do is drop everything, dress up, and completely present as a woman. That pretty much sums up your response! When times are tough and stress levels are high is when I'm most prone to do something compulsively. The way I look at it, is that I've held it in for most of my life, what's a little more time while I sort my emotions out? The decision to move forward here is a potentially life-changing one and I need to think out every detail out and find out where I stand emotionally before proceeding.

Shy, it's possible that the desire to dress up is sort. Of an escape mechanism....that somehow expressing femininity seems a way to offload the demands of life. Of course, you know that isn't true. Women have all the same burdens as men.

All of us who are CDrs have underlying gender issues to a lesser or greater extent....no big surprise there. My contention is that one is better off addressing the external causes of stress and learning to effectively cope with those that can't be reduced. Then, when your life has calmed a bit and/or you've mastered techniques for managing the stresses that persist, as they will, then you can begin to explore your gender identity a clear head and realistic expectations.

Quote:

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There is very little clartiy in life, nothing is simple or truely black and white. We all need time to find ourselves and express who we are. Be truthful to those you love, and be aware of the consequences of your decisions.

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Great Words, thanks for posting them

The crossdressing can come out of nowhere, almost as if it's triggered by an inner alarm clock. It might have come up at this point in your life regardless of other issues. Not much help to you right now I know, but bear it in mind.

xNikki

Shy, I feel for you and can relate, as I too am under a lot of stress at the moment, which is increasing my desire to dress (which has been with me for decades).

I too have some perhaps underlying gender issues but would love it if my wife just accepted that I sometimes drive my car or go into the city dressed as a woman, but okay, I won' do it in front of her.

As the others have said, try to dampen the urge to fully dress, as what with your wife's illness and everything else going on, it may make things worse if you suddenly go for it. It's very hard to suppress the urge, I know, but most people on this forum have been there.

Golly, some great insight in these posts. I really agree with Katey. CDing as a response to stress can be a very bad thing, even dangerous. Yes, it's true that it can make us feel better for a time, and is a tremendous escape mechanism. But when we're under stress, we're fragile in so many ways, being drab gets so much harder, and that only compounds the problems both in living life and dealing with the en femme thing. When I feel compelled to dress out of stress, it feels like an addiction. Addicts don't look to support groups to help them do more drugs. The better side of CD compulsion needs to aim at beauty and discovery, not escape or even the easing of pain -- though that's not always a bad thing, and gollygosh we've all probably done it. It's just not the goal, or at least shouldn't be.

I think you should find time for yourself to dress, it is therapeutic and will relax you.

Clarity will come when things settle down a bit, for now, you are being a truly good and loving dad and husband, the time will come when you can explore being a woman. For now take what pleasure and comfort you can, (you might even be able to find another parent to give your daunter a lift occasionally?) this time will not last for ever. Having to be 'the man' makes me want to get girlie too ; )