Going out?

Trying to plan a weekend away with my wife but but we're not in the "going out stage" at least I'm not.... Lol does anyone remember having or do you have a hard time just leaving the hotel room to go outside and have a cigarette, (in the evening side of building, out of town) are people really that interested or disapprove of this so much that they would cause a seen? Or would they more then likely at worst chuckle and go about there business? Just need some advice/encouragement..... Thanks so much

EJ

As long as you don't draw undue attention people pretty much mind their own business. All your worries are in your head.

If you dress ****ty, you'll get lots of attention
If you dress as a regular female, most people are too busy to care.

I was at an quarry 2 months ago with my trans work colleague, everyone she interacted with (about 24 employee) appreciated her skill, but there was 1 guy who had nothing to do with our process, who found it funny that my colleague had nail polish on. Really showed me it was more about how we interact with people

Waaaaay too many variables to truly answer what you could potentially experience.


Just to throw some (rhetorical) things out there that may or may not influence that...

- Geographic location?
- Part of the city?
- Day of the week?
- Day of the month?
- Time of day/night?
- Any events going on around that time?
- Nearby businesses?
- Choice of attire?
- Color of attire?
- Prints of attire?
- Shoes make noise?
- Height & weight?
- Big boobs or small? :roflmao:
- Wig color?
- Wig length?
- Wig style?
- Lipstick color?
- Attractive as a woman?
- *Too* attractive as a woman?
- Face for radio?
- Talk like a dude?
- Walk like a dude?
- Walk too "swishy"?
- Smoke like a lady?
- Wind direction (for above smoke)?
- Pedestrians?
- Vehicle traffic?
- Nearby traffic lights?
- Outdoor lighting?
- Indoor lighting?
- Crowded elevator?
- Long elevator ride?


Okay, okay... I'll stop there. You get the point. :heehee:


The answer is: You'll never truly know, unless & until you do it. ;)

Odds are, you *should* be fine. But none of us can guarantee that, either.


Will other people see you? Probably.
Will they "read" you? Who knows, who cares.
Will they say anything negative to you? Probably not.
*Could* something negative happen? Can never rule that out.
Could something *positive* happen? Can never rule that out, either. :)

Will you be nervous? Most likely.
Will you enjoy the experience? Most likely.
Will you want to do something similar again? Most definitely.


I will say this, which is something I wish I had known much earlier on...

It's *way* easier if you have someone you know & trust, to be by your side.

It's not only their physical presence, but more important, their psychological & spiritual presence.

Means way more to a CD'er out & about, than most can imagine.

Perhaps your wife would like to accompany you for this mini-outing? :battingeyelashes: :battingeyelashes:


Good luck, you'll do fine.

Let us know how it goes. :thumbsup:

It’s not unusual to feel those butterflies when starting out. The key to a successful outing is confidence. Show people you’re committed and the vast majority of people will take you seriously.

I surely did at first.
So afraid I'd be seen and read. Then that first step ... the rush ... the thrill. Then a second step. A third.
As B.B.King said "the thrill is gone", but I can't count how many steps I've taken.

Emily,

The very few of us (and I'm not one of them) who experienced no sense of trepidation when taking that first step out the door are lucky. For most of us that first step, might be getting out of the car on a quiet street, leaving a hotel room just to walk down the corridor, leaving home dressed, whatever it was had the butterflies crashing around like demented pixies. As Majella and Rachel both point out, dress appropriately and most folks won't take any real notice.

I've written many times of the first time I went shopping. I'd been for evening walks where I'd be in proximity to muggles but never close enough to interact. Well this time it's broad daylight, I'm in a busy car park, I've a 50m walk to the nearest shop and I'm nervous as hell. Deep breath, out the car, put on my coat, straighten my hair, bag on shoulder and head for the door. Heart pounding I enter the shop and start to browse the racks. 2 minutes in I'm much calmer, 5 minutes in just slightly nervous. 10 minutes I'm queuing to pay for a necklace. After that, well I've never looked back. Majella says it perfectly, "All your worries are in your head."

One thing is for certain, You'll never know just how folks will react till you get out there.

I have been out with a GG friend and she has been able to observe people around us, she was surprised how little attention was payed to me. I have said it before, even if someone takes notice they soon will forget or not care. Dress appropriately and nearly everyone will treat you with respect.

Sara

My first time out in public was on a weekend trip to Denver about 10 years ago. It was to be a Nikki weekend and so as not to get cold feet I packed no drab clothes other than what I wore on the plane. I was no where as good with make up then as I am now, but I spent the weekend out and about, clubs, restaurants and shopping without a problem. So if you're worried about having a smoke, I think you'd be ok. Besides in today's society being a smoker is just as much of a stigma than being a smoker. We smokers like having company on our smoke breaks

Been there done that. Correction, am there doing that. Mostly nothing happens, maybe a snort, never a comment.

Dress conservative and you are not likely to be noticed, probably will be an anticlimax.

Dress to kill and you stand a chance of meeting the wrong people.

There is ALWAYS a risk of someone making a scene. However in my exprerience, the worst you’ll get are snickers behind your back. Some may do a double take. Most are too busy living their own lives to be bothered with what you’re doing. The exact proportions of those responses will vary by your location and how good your presentation is.

Though I've gone out en-fem for years now, (including going on stage in front of strangers) I do feel a tinge of nervousness almost every time; but there's generally more excitement drowning out the nervousness.

Most people will not even notice or take a second look when you venture out.

:)

Thank you for all the reassurance. This was supposed to be are weekend away but, life happened.... Pushed back till who knows when..?.. Just got a new mermaid forever eyeshadow set from my wife, and still trying to put myself together.... (The struggle is real).... Lol will definitely let you all know about the big day!

💋
EJ

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Thank you that was awesome! She will definitely be with me. Could never think about doing it without her. It just needs to be far from home... We are both very well known, and stick out like sour thumbs.... (In most places). Even the major cities we stand a chance of seeing family or friends.... Definitely going to do it! Thanks again

EJ

1) most people don’t even notice
2) the ones that do are usually too proccupied with their own business to react
3) half the ones that do react will have a positive or neutral reaction
4) of the ones with a negative, 99% will just comment or laugh as they walk away

The best thing you can do is improve your presentation. If you feel confident you’ll look confident and people tend to not mess with confident people. If you look scared you’re asking to be a target.

Emily,
My first time out was to drive thirty miles to meet up with a social group for a meal and a dance to celebrate their 4th anniversary . I wore a long ball gown , my wife had gone out to give me a chance to get ready as she didn't want to see me . The hardest part was possibly stepping out the front door and edging out my drive hoping no neighbours were passing by . Driving was quite a revelation but at least it was dark , walking into a hotel situation to meet the group wasn't too bad in fact at no point did I feel nervous .

That was about three years ago but now it so easy , I go out full time and think nothing of it . So what do people think ? On the whole I found with couples the lady will make eye contact but the man will usually avoid it . Women on their own will chat but once I've broken the ice , men don't usually chat they either avoid contact or take an interest and follow me round .

I know I sound like an old record but I've found if you don't go looking for a reaction you won't get one , try and stop yourself looking over your shoulder , be confident and just go about your business . Forget about passing , there are too many small telltales so don't be frightened to talk to people they will make their conclusions as to what they think you are . The bottom line is you have a supportive wife just go out and enjoy being Emliy .

I've just read your reply commenting on sticking out like sore thumbs , It may be partly true but also an assumption because you feel you are different , maybe remember you are not the only TG person to be out and about , that is why I found meeting others socially has helped , we do stand out as a group in a hotel so it's easier to come to terms with other people .

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Micki_Finn

If you feel confident you’ll look confident and people tend to not mess with confident people. If you look scared you’re asking to be a target.

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This is good advice for life in general.