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I do, The more peeps I tell, the more they disappear, are they scared of me ?, I thought in todays society being what you are is acceptable, am I wrong ?, the law is on my side , isnt it ?, well here in the UK everything is gender neutral, isnt it ? Me going out dressed isnt a crime is it ?, peeps love it at first (curious), then switch me off , am I alone in this ?, question mark heaven
It's the Not In My Backyard mentality.
Hi Debs, if you find that is strange I have found since I have gone public that my closeted sisters that I have emailed for a long time are disappearing one by one. Just don't seem to have the time write anymore like I have the plague or something. I have said the same thing am I alone in this?
There's no law that says people have to like you and want to be with you. We simply have to realize that crossdressers aren't what most people want to hang around with.
Hi Debs
I think that one factor is that a lot of people seem to feel that crossdressing, being TS, etc, are all ok UNLESS it's _my_ friend/brother/father/husband/etc who wants to put on a dress ... and then Hell No!
It also is a big & sudden change ... "yesterday he was John & wore pants, today he's Jane and wears dresses". If it happens overnight (as it does from the perspective of our friends and family), it is hard to get one's head around. It's hard for us to get our heads around ourselves and our natures ... and we do it over the course of years and decades ... for our friends and family, it all happens in the course of a few minutes.
Fran
The OP never stated the gender of the "avoiders"..I suspect it is "males" that she feels shunned by..She no longer fits in their "friend plan"..lol However,I feel a lot of acceptance issues have to do with the wording of the explanation. If your change in gender expression is temporary and just for fun,then to many that is a "hobby".Some woman enjoy a dress up friend.If your gender expression is to satisfy an inner need to present in your real gender,then a proper explanation of that may help..It is how you make it but don't expect the embrace of phobic,immature,people.
I think in the len the only ones you need to have care for are the people you work with.
Just don't make them uncomfortable with your appearance.
Well if thats the case maybe its you that caused them to not have anything to do with you.
Don't blame everyone else if you have no friends.
Debs,
I'm not sure we can assume everything is gender neutral , maybe it is becoming more gender friendly . I know people tell you they don't have a problem but often the problem isn't with you as I found with my neighbour the other day . The mistake he made was comparing my nails with his wife's when we were about to have coffee . On the whole I find the net is becoming larger not smaller . Maybe that's inevitable if no situation is off limits , again I feel it helps if they don't know you in male mode , they have nothing to compare with so less of a reason to back off .
Going out is certainly not a crime ( well not nowdays ) in fact I feel it's more of a crime not to . It's possibly more to do with your personality , I find I'm soon having a laugh with whoever I meet , I don't mean at me as a TG . Like today I had to go into a tool store to buy sanding discs , the guy asked if I'd shopped before , I replied yes to buy some bulbs and added but don't bring some daffodil bulbs with this order , he picked up on it and told me to come back in the spring .
Fran , does make an interesting point , to close family and friends there is no easy way of breaking the ice , there's no gradual process and if you try and make it gradual I'm not sure if it really works , personally I feel more uncomfortable in the inbetween state , if I wasn't relaxed then other people pick up on that . I was going to add perhaps it's best in those circumstances not to change your voice as well , leave them with something they can associate with .
hello Debs,
I think that "society" in the UK is becoming much more accepting of transgender people and gays. I think that is really great!
But I dress in private because I suspect (or fear) that men crossdressing is still a real taboo.
If I wear a man's pink tee-shirt or socks, people comment: "you're looking very gay" or "are you showing your feminine side today?"
If I wear women's versions of men's clothes though no one seem to notice - so sometimes in public I am a man imitating a female crossdresser.
Acceptance of a "man in a dress" has not yet arrived, sadly.
luv J
Debs, I don't know about the UK. But, American men r VERY insecure about their masculinity and sexuality! Many r afraid to associate with m to F trans. Because they mite turn gay. Or, worse! Someone will think they r!:doh:
With guys here in the USA its all about a guys image.
To them if you are seen with a trans girl you are automatically a pervert or gay even if you are not.
Heck even if you wear girls ring or shoes you get called gay.
I love when someone says hey those are girls jeans man are you gay or something?
I answer oh why yes I am gay thanks so much for noticing.
Debs,
Checking your profile, you are my generational cohort. I think the observations above are accurate and give our age, not unexpected. Younger generations (and sadly, yes that is plural) are more accepting than ours. Even when our IS accepting, there is a lot of "Well that's fine, but I don't want anything to do with them".
I'm older (65) and agree with your comment. I especially feel those younger than I, are much, much more accepting than my generation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Meghan4now
When I was 18 all my friends knew I cross-dressed and a few of them dressed on occasion with me.
AS we all started getting married and going our own way we stopped talking about cross-dressing.
I continued to show one good friend my new dresses until I was about 30 until one day he said I was "one strange dude" after that I told him I lost interest in dressing!
I’ve never told anyone openly that I am a CD but my family know but don’t discuss it at all. It’s not something they are comfortable talking about, which is fine I guess.
I've had my fair share of people I thought were friends stop talking to me once they found out I'm a CD. My real friends are still with me and are very supportive of me. I am dressed up 90% of the time. The other 10% is cuz my girlfriends 11 year old daughter is with us for the week.
I don’t know you, so I can’t really give you any insight. Not to be rude here, but if everyone leaves when you tell them, then maybe it’s you? Maybe it’s they WAY you tell them? Maybe you act different after you tell them. Perhaps all you want to talk about is dressing. There are plenty of us who have come out to people and had their full support, so obviously avoidance isn’t a universal reaction.
Its obvious its something about you they don't like if they will have nothing to do with you.
Its best to let it go and move on with your life.
This is why I don't tell anyone. Only my wife knows. :hugs:
Angie