Anyone Else

Last weekend i had some time to myself and slipped off in Barbara mode to a mall across town. I am a cross-dresser, and when all dolled up, can reasonably pass. This trip I was in jean-leggings, a blue woman's t shirt and a unpadded bra-let(barely noticable) Nothing to stand out, (especially in Portland where skinny jeans rule). but no makeup or wig. I was walking through Macys and noticed a trans woman working one of the counters, it just so happened to the the brand I was considering switching to, so I asked her about some different items. She seemed a bit stand offish. I finally asked if she had time to help me try out a couple colors of foundation. She agreed, and spent a few minutes helping me pick out the right shade, and gave me a couple pointers but did not seem that thrilled to be helping me. This entire time, I felt like she was annoyed that I was there asking for help.

I also had this happen a few months ago when I went to a Ulta Beauty store. There was a transwoman working there, and she too didn't' seem to want to help me much.

I would have thought that a woman that has transitioned would be a bit more helpful to a sister that is 1) wanting to learn how to do her makeup better, and 2) someone that wants to spend money.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Maybe I was reading to much into the situation.

Barbara

Barbara,

I suspect you are reading too much into it. People are on edge these days with all the political stuff going on. Plus you don't know what is going on in their personal world that is worrying them. I'm nice to everybody no matter what their attitude might be or what behavior they are showing. I don't think it is safe to assume that because someone is obviously trans that they will be unusually friendly and supportive of a sister (or brother). People are people. To me there is nothing wrong with treating everyone the same and it seems to me that is exactly what you were doing. That said, our expectations are sometimes way too high.

I have made two trips to my doctor's office in the last week as a medical condition has been detected that needs to be addressed. The staff is usually quite friendly. But both times I have shown up carrying what most people view as a purse. Some are still friendly but others became passive-aggressive and one made a comment, "Nice purse." Not a bad comment except the tone of her voice was not pleasant. It was more of a put down. I ignored it told her the line from Seinfeld. "It is not a purse; it's European." She smiled a little and returned to a cold, matter of fact demeanor. People are people. Don't take it personally. You can't please all the people all the time. Just continue with your friendly demeanor. It drives them crazy and maybe tells them, "You may not approve of me, but I am still going to treat you nicely and respectfully."

Gretchen

I had a trans-women help me with purchasing makeup at the MAC counter at the Macy's in D.C., she was quite helpful.

Sorry Gretchen but I don't think Barbara is reading too much into this.

For what ever reason, you don't know why, she wasn't as helpful as she could have been.

Something to consider next time your out and want to make a purchase. Go somewhere more accommodating. It's your money and you can spend it where ever you want.

By the way, in Dress Barn in male mode trying things on a couple of weeks ago. One SA was very cold and standoffish while the other couldn't be more helpful. Guess which one I went with? I had a ball with here trying things on and talking.

Some women on the journey do not want to be discovered and when you show up as you did they become quite reserved.

With some there is a snob value as well.

It is a shame but the feeling is often quite apparent.

People, we are talking about people among which we will find nice and not so nice, even among sales people. Being trans has nothing to do with it. Reminds me of the options for exams in college. One possible answer was “true,true but not related.” True you saw a trans person (are you 100% sure?) and true she was standoffish, but the two are not related.

It could have been any of a number of reasons including your reaction to her. A sales person is supposed to help customers and be pleasant regardless so perhaps she is just not good at her job. I suggest going somewhere else to spend your money.

Barbara, r u sure they were trans? I was pretty sure I spotted one working in our UPS store. I went over to ask her a question and get an up close look. As soon as I heard her voice I KNEW she wasn't trans!:eek:

From what I have seen of Portland in the news it seems like a place full of hate.
This trans person helping you may be one of those trans activists that hates everyone or feels superior for some reason.
Personally I would shop elsewhere.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Beverley Sims

Some women on the journey do not want to be discovered and when you show up as you did they become quite reserved.

With some there is a snob value as well.

It is a shame but the feeling is often quite apparent.

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I think Beverley is right.

By showing up the way you did, brings the wrong type of attention in their eyes.

Yes you would think they would be more tolerant, but I have found it is not the case.

I use to attend a support group for TG people that meets once a week. They are all good people I just don’t care for a few of them. I don’t fault them for the way they are, well maybe a little. People are people, everyone is different.

These girls have a very deep desire to be a woman. By you standing next to her is like a sign I’m TG.

There is a big difference between them and like me for example. They want to be a woman, not a TG woman. This is basically why they don’t like CD’s.

I embrace that I am TG. I’m not an advocate. I just don’t hide or run from the fact.

Next time try going in full make-up and wig. I think she may have a different attitude.

Please do not make her life any more difficult by bringing this up to her or anyone there.

I know you would think people would see that their attitude towards others reflects back on them but they don’t, some people?

Me, I would just have one of the other girls help me in the future.

My personal experience, limited as it may be, is that many transwomen do not consider crossdressers as "trans" in any way. Some see it as nothing more than a fetish. A lot of gay men and lesbians are no more friendly or supportive. Fortunately others are.

Sometimes with strangers I go along with another person's belief that I must be planning to transition if I crossdress. Unless they are part of my life in some way, arguing about it seems guaranteed to make us both unhappy.

Barbara,
I'm a little confused here but you claim to pass pretty well and yet you aren't wearing makeup or a wig . I'm not sure if the problem is with the trans SAs being off with you or would any SA feel the same way .

I must admit I did get my first colour check done in male mode , the female SA was lovely but she did admit at the end enjoying the session because she had never worked on a man before . The second time I was dressed I have to say my treatment wasn't a whole lot different .

I will add that some SAs do give the cold shoulder sometimes , I mentioned to a friend one particular store and she said she'd had the same problem in the same store .

I also think there might be a problem with trans people only wanting to serve GGs , there could be personal problems of not wanting to reminded of a pre transition situation , which you presented .

Jean,
I apologise I should have read your reply first but I do agree with your reply . Maybe reverse the situation and think how we might react in the same circumstances . While Krisi is right but I've been in business and retail and it's not always that easy to turn off your own feelings we are all only human .

Sherry,
I'm sure you've met enough TSs to know not all do have a femme voice , I've found very few change their voice that much .

Sometimes people are just having a bad day. Some trans women dislike crossdressers because they feel that a CD trivializes their existence by making it about wearing a costume a la Halloween and not about truly profound gender expression. Some are just assholes. Carry on, dear.

I think Tracii G is right about the hate part , but hate goes farther than Portland.

Barbara, I really do not have any experience asking for makeup advice. On other inquiries I have had sales associates go over and beyond any expectations of service. Others, and they are a minority, would not help with anything. Maybe a bad day. Maybe a poor experience with the previous customer. Maybe there was some hateful speech or glances right before you arrived. You don't know.

I have heard on this forum many times trans people and gays have not been accepting of cross dressers. Maybe an individual sees a cross dresser (me) as something less than authentic. Who knows?

When shopping en drab for clothing for myself, but, not expressing that fact, I have had a few female sales associates avoid me like I had the plague and others go over and beyond being helpful.

A cute story which is factual. Many years ago I was talking with a business person who built houses. He stopped in at his bank and was totally ignored because he looked like a construction worker. He was in fact on the job. All the smartly attired bankers would not approach him. When he finally approached someone he was rebuffed until he mentioned his name. Then the world revolved around him. It totally pissed him off. His response was to close out all his accounts which were in the seven figure range and transfer his business elsewhere, where people were not judged on their appearance. If you're not happy with the level of service then go elsewhere.

Thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts and insight.
I do hope she was just having a bad day. In this particular instance I probably was reading too much into it. It just stood out to me since this was the second time I had this experience. Perhaps I will go back anther time totally fem and see how things go.

Barbara

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Linda E. Woodworth

By the way, in Dress Barn in male mode trying things on a couple of weeks ago. One SA was very cold and standoffish while the other couldn't be more helpful. Guess which one I went with? I had a ball with here trying things on and talking.

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I've never had a bad SA at Dress Barn

My best experience was when 3 GG SAs were hunting down clothes for me and bringing them to my dressing room. One of them even said that I made her day. Apparently, she was having just a normal bad day, but the fact that I was out, friendly, confident, and obviously having a great time just made her forget her problems.

My worst experience was once when the SAs weren't really helpful. I didn't even pick up on it. I picked out some clothes I wanted to try on and went up to one of the SAs and I said I would like to try these on. I expected it to be normal, and just going up with an expectation that it would be normal, it became normal. I tried on the clothes,came out of the dressing room and asked her what she thought of the outfit. She actually said she didn't think the blouse and the skirt matched well. I looked at it again and decided it looked just fine, and I bought them. I wore them to church when I went to Keystone.

I was out during the summer at a happy hour type event with music and a large crowd. I am very tall and I stand out. So I see this other tall woman walking towards me and I expected our eyes would meet as she passed and I'd say some comment about how great it is to be tall in a crowd. She completely dissed me and looked away. I later saw one of her friends who I realized might be trans and then realized the tall woman was also trans and very passable. I imagine she felt that talking to me might help people figure out her Secret. It's a shame but many who go stealth feel this way. Not sure exactly what you were dealing with but similar issues could apply.

Sometimes our expectations tint our experiences. Is it possible that these women were giving you an adequate level of customer service, but you were expecting a trans woman to roll out the red carpet for a “sister”, and therefore since they weren’t over the top enthusiastic, you interpreted their actions as indifferent?