Quit whining and just love yourself: A new years resolution

I have always struggled with self esteem, I have been known for feeling sorry for myself. I think that despite being encouraged and told things like "no one can love you if you can't love yourself" for a long while, I have just been too obstinate to change for the better. Well maybe at the age of 23 I am ready to try do a bit of that this year. Now I know that my SO loves me regardless, heck she wouldn't be my fiancee now if she didn't love me! But I don't feel I can be a better man to her unless I learn to just brake out of my shell a little bit.

It's not easy for my SO to ask how my day at work was and I continue to respond with a bad attitude or just trouble talking at all. When I want to talk about cding, I keep quiet, hoping for her to read my mind.

First step is to make some friends to talk to and maybe post some more so I can talk to you all. (It's not fair for my SO to be my only friend to let out about cding to, especially if she is still struggling with it herself).

So can I ask for the daunting task of you members that are so kind, please hold me accountable and make me talk! (or type actually)

Next step is to actually celebrate my birthday (next year maybe, baby steps)

First thing you do, when you next answer the telephone, force a smile and then see how hard it is to be down in the mouth.

Eg.
"Big smile first......."

"Hullo this is Luca speaking, How are you?"

See it's not hard is it?

Always include one of those damn annoying smileys when posting.
It annoys others but you will feel great. :)

The very first thing to do tomorrow morning - smile.
Do the same the morning after.
and the morning after that
Actually make it a habit.

before you know it you will be smiling all day long, and be happy all day long.
people will gravitate towards you (thinking you have won Lotto or crazy in a nice way)

I understand.. I have had struggled with this and I am 44. Glad you are getting this together at 23. Try and do things that make you happy. If other people dont like it too bad. You wont be able to please everyone no matter what you do.

I thing the smile is a great idea!
Even though I'm going though a tough health problem right now, I don't feel sorry for myself because I focus on others that have it a lot worse then me! Get out and help others that need help, know matter how small or large their problem is!
You will find that doing so will put a smile on at least two faces!
And that alone is such a great reward for your act of kindness!

Young person...hear this from someone who has been where you are. Do not expect to gain self esteem or confidence, or to be drawn out and held accountable by strangers in virtual reality. You and your SO seem off to a good start. That's real life. Come here for diverse opinions, ideas, and a place to vent, but don't expect or even try to use this place as your therapist. If you have self esteem issues and difficulty talking to your spouse, or lack of friends, then you need to talk to a competent counselor. Tell him or her what your concerns are and work together to address them in real life.

Another vote for the smile tactic! All that stuff about more facial muscles to look glum etc. I could scream when I get a straight-faced selfie... :eek:
It may sound trite, but I think we all go through this at different times in life - you just have to grit your teeth and hang on to those good things that are always there. And you have an understanding SO, which is an asset to be nurtured - and you have this forum and all of us (OK, maybe a rather nebulous asset... :)) - do post more, and talk more. Plenty of lonely hearts here who are happy to respond :hugs:
Katey x

Luca, this forum is perfect for throwing out ideas and getting a myriad of opinions. While I am always ready to call someone out on the crap they may write, I'm just electrons to you.

Greenie is your real sounding board. A spouse that can accept that cross dressing is part of you is to be cherished. The one person who should know how YOU feel about cross dressing is your spouse. But to be fair, cross dressing is only a part of you, not all of you. Because of that, don't make every conversation be about cross dressing. Maybe for you and Greenie at scheduled time to discuss CDing might work. For example, every Thursday after dinner. You both know it's coming, she doesn't have to read your mind and you are not overwhelming her. Once conversation is opened up, you will find that talking about it becomes easier.

As for opening up to others, discuss this with your spouse before hand. It affects you both. But ask yourself why. Are you doing it for them or for you? If you plan on being out and about, dressed with them then coming out is probably a good thing. If not, then why tell.

Lastly, "quit whining" is great advice and a great philosophy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by luca

First step is to make some friends to talk to and maybe post some more so I can talk to you all. (It's not fair for my SO to be my only friend to let out about cding to, especially if she is still struggling with it herself).

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Finding accepting people of your Cding can have its problems. This site can help you find accepting friends as well as a Cd group. One first person to take into consideration is your SO, she needs to be consulted for her thoughts and feelings.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Luca, this forum is perfect for throwing out ideas and getting a myriad of opinions. While I am always ready to call someone out on the crap they may write, I'm just electrons to you.

Greenie is your real sounding board. A spouse that can accept that cross dressing is part of you is to be cherished. The one person who should know how YOU feel about cross dressing is your spouse. But to be fair, cross dressing is only a part of you, not all of you. Because of that, don't make every conversation be about cross dressing. Maybe for you and Greenie at scheduled time to discuss CDing might work. For example, every Thursday after dinner. You both know it's coming, she doesn't have to read your mind and you are not overwhelming her. Once conversation is opened up, you will find that talking about it becomes easier.

As for opening up to others, discuss this with your spouse before hand. It affects you both. But ask yourself why. Are you doing it for them or for you? If you plan on being out and about, dressed with them then coming out is probably a good thing. If not, then why tell.

Lastly, "quit whining" is great advice and a great philosophy.

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Great comment and sound advice, I couldn't have said it any better.