Utterly defeated

Not sure where to post this but,

I've been quiet on the boards of late because I've an awful lot to contemplate and very nearly sure I'd like to transition. To what degree is part of sorting it all out.

So, about two months ago I've started therapy and it was going great.

Got a call today from their office. My health insurance misquoted them and I'll be hit with a rather largish bill. Naturally, I've suspended future sessions until I can figure this out.

I feel so utterly defeated every. time in life that I try to follow my bliss. That's not entirely accurate, of course, but that's how I'm feeling just now and I'm in a bit of darkness over it.

So sorry to hear all of that! I just had to pay $100 for a dietary consult for my diabetes that the doctor was sure my insurance would pay! Insurance companies like to take your money but are loathe to give it out! Best wishes for a better outcome! Hugs and sympathy
Lana Mae

Sorry to hear about that. I am on Medicare and a MediGap supplement. So, if Medicare covers it so will the Medigap policy. However, sometimes it is hard to find a provider who takes Medicare. I recommend looking for a LGBTQ+ support clinic near a larger city who have a floating rate depending on ones' ability to pay. The highest price is about half of what non-clinic related therapists charge. The good price is not the only benefit. These professionals know all about our issues and are there to help, whether it is to slow down or move forward. They tend to operate based on the informed consent model. I do hope that you can find a good replacement therapist who can help you out.

Allie

Macey,
I was posed with a similar situation, I managed to ger a referral for my gender counselling through the NHS , I was told I had 16 sessions booked but after 6 the department faced an overspend and the service was withdrawn . I had pushed hard for this but felt sorry for younger people just starting out on this road .

Despite being in a DADT situation with no one to really talk to about the situation , I realised counselling could only help guide me , it wasn't a magic cure all . It was now up to me to take the information I had and decide how much I needed to deal with my dysphoria . My counsellor had sown enough seeds to start to accpet myself and importantly step out the door , OK it was only to meet others socially but it was a huge step which allowed me to find myself , talking to others in the TG communtiy and their partners began to give me a balance .

I admit there are wonderful days and there days of desparation but don't feel defeated , you just have to seek ways to find yourself , then you can start to accept and believe in yourself . The magic word transition dangles in front of us like a carrot sometimes but when it comes to it we sometimes we don't need to take those steps , I found achieving acceptance also brings comfort and a balance , transition for me would possibly not change my World that much on a day to day basis . I'm not promoting it or condemning it , the bottom line is we either need it or we don't, with or without counselling / therapy it would still be up to the individual to make that decision .

Hey Macey,

Your post is appropriate for this section. In the beginning I had an experience with affording therapy also. My therapist, as is the case for many, did not file on insurance. It was cash only. Therapy was covered by my insurance so I expected to get reimbursed. I never did. So, I transitioned without any guidance. It is a long story and not worth the space here.

We are all different. Some are content with being male and appearing female most days. Others have always identified as female and reach the point where they need to align that identity with real life. You may be somewhere in between. It doesn't matter. There is no right or wrong about it.

If you need help and guidance then I would suggest, as Allie did, that you find an LGBTQ+ support center. That is where I turned for help when I needed two letters for GRS. It cost $30 per session.

You used the expression "very nearly sure I'd like to transition." Transition is serious business. It could bring about changes and challenges that are impossible to anticipate. I urge you not to think of transition as something you might like to do. It really should be what you need to do and only you will know when it is necessary.

I have transitioned very successfully. But, my transition has been painful, costly and lonely. Now I am an activist for the transgender community but I could stay in stealth mode if I choose. However, I never wanted to be transgender! I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I would give anything to be able to go back in time and not be trans.

Loosing one therapist is not defeat. It is just a bump in the road. If transition is in your future, chances are you will encounter more bumps as well as some mountains to climb. Hang in there.

The costs associated with this can be daunting and serve to slow the train from time to time. That may or may not be a good thing, that's not for me. The thing is there are often ways to get that taken care of within the system that denied you in the first place. Don't give up with the first rejection and ask to have things resubmitted after checking against all the appropriate billing codes. Then find someone in the company to talk to, while some will be unwilling there are others who see the value in keeping you covered. You cost less if you are treated than if you go untreated and something they can't deny happens. But don't give up easily and like Jeri suggests, look for other options for the same resource. There is a lot more available than we believe possible. Good luck as you meet and surmount this challenge.

Sadly, "surprise billing", often the form of a charge for something that had been pre-authorized, is becoming a very common practice. Provider checks to see if service is covered under your policy, receives answer to the affirmative, delivers service, submits claim, claim is denied, provider bills you. Insurer has rolled the dice, gambling that you'll give up. It costs them nothing to try, and the keep all the winnings.
Don't let them. Then talk to your elected representatives about this increasingly common scam. It should cost the insurers to play this game.

It's a setback, for sure. And I'll have to take a little time to collect myself.

Jeri, yes, it sure is serious business and just getting into therapy was a big step for something I've been wrestling with for some time. "very nearly" is pretty much "absolutely", but not wanting to jump into such a serious decision I am trying to take my time with it.

Jeri is an advocate for tough love. I appreciate that because as much as cheerleading feels really good,
it doesn't help with the introspection one needs to experience for safe passage. When someone titles their
Thread as this one was, it gives cause for pause. It may have been frustration but it also may have been
a very good time for someone to come in and give some food for thought. Always a good thing and though
I don't always see eye to eye, she always brings well intentioned and valuable advice to the table.

Hi Macey,
I was privileged to have an insurance through my employer that completely covers the sessions but I never took advantage of it for my gender related therapy. Only for my marriage, which was way more important at that time. I know that therapy helps, but it is not a must. I read a book (You and your gender identity by Dara Hoffman-Fox), talked to people here and read many stories, watched videos of other trans people and basically have figured everything out for myself over time (couple of years) and doing a medical transition based on consent under the supervision of an endocrinologist. I found happiness in the end.