The inevitable happened !

Being half term week I was asked ( not told ) by my wife if I could help out with the grandsons at her home . As usual I had a car load of tools for the little jobs no one else had got round to , we replaced fence panels damaged by the storms while the boys tried to use us as goal posts for their football game .

Later that morning my daughter arrived with her daughter who has seen me as Teresa , as we all sat having coffee my granddaughter looked up at me and said , " You haven't got your blond hair on !" My wife burst out laughing I think the boys were too busy fighting to hear what she said , this was the point I was dreading but I knew it was ineveitable , so now we have crossed that hurdle without any harm being done .

I then went to fit a curtain pole for my wife but I couldn't find all the fittings so we searched in her dressing room , she brushed passed some of her clothes at the same time asking if I would like any of them as she has lost weight . I replied that it was OK I have all my own now besides I didn't think it was a good idea because she could then tell people I'm going about in her clothes , she did understand my meaning and was OK with the explanation .

As I prepared to leave she did say that she is going to make the effort and visit me , she wants to see my refurbished kitchen , I've always assured her I don't have a problem with that , if and when she's ready just give me a call .

In no way does this suggest we would ever get back together but it is good we have kept it together for the children and grandchildren , our probelms didn't become their problems , it has affected their lives but not tragically so .

Be careful you do not get sucked into a false sense of security! its good to keep in contact with the kids but keep it at that. i have been divorced twice now, and i am very carefull of not falling into another disaster, good luck with things as they are

Teresa,

I think your ex has begun to realise she was the one out of kilter with everyone else and has begun to find she's the one at risk of being out on her own. Her hand has been forced somewhat but at the same time she's discovered it's no big deal to acknowledge you are now living a different life.

Why does she expect you to fix stuff around her house?

My question exactly!

I'm not sure I understand, Teresa? I thot u dressed as a woman every day now.

But, it sounds like u were in drab at your ex's?:straightface:

Tracii,
Good question , I can either find something to fix or play football for two hours , the boys are great BUT !!

Helen,
The net has closed in on her , did I force her hand or did she do it of her own accord ?

Sherry ,
As I mentioned before these are the few hours I'm subjected to drab , I possibly won't see the boys again for months , I am still their grandpa .

I have two ex wives. Women can be unpredictable and even sneaky so I think it's best to keep the relationship after the divorce as distant as possible. No need to be mean of course, but nothing good can come of friendship or coming by to help her with chores or repairs.

My opinion, of course, but I do have some experience.

Krisi,
I'm not divorced yet , so I'm not making anymore waves at the moment I don't need telling about the sneaky part though .

As a general reply , this wasn't a social call to please my wife , I don't get to see my grandsons that often and as usual they climbed all over me and hugged me for some minutes . Helping with those small jobs , I've never said NO to anyone , it's just not in my nature .

I will add it was so good to wake up this morning and get back to my regular routine . Showered and applied my makeup , slipped my skirt and boots on with a warm sweater , my lightweight coat and headed off into town . Dropped my library books back in , called in to top up my makeup in Boots and had a lovely conversation with the SA I've got to know well , we joked about an odd dream she'd had the previous night , then she gave me a really good deal on some perfume . Back home I had cleaning to catch up on , stock up with logs for the woodburner and cook my meal . It's good to get back to normal !

Well, Teresa, I hope that this is just the start of a healthy friendship with your wife.

My First Wife got the house in a bitter divorce. Now being a Carpenter, I built the house.
So every time a light bulb would burn out, it was my fault. She even took me to court over
me not running to fix any little thing around the house. The Judge told her to find a Handyman
to do the repairs on her own time and cost, as she wanted the house, she now has the house and
all that goes with it.
Thank You Your Honer.
Rader

Rader,
That is the problem , I did so much building work over the years and as you say it then makes us responsible for repairing it afterwards . It did hurt knowing I spent 6 months renovating my wife's new home when I knew I wouldn't be living in it but on the whole now while she still goes out to work she pays for her own repairs . Why did I do it ? because I felt she didn't have a leg to stand on when it came to our divorce , that at least paid off as we split the sale of our old home 50-50 .

I wonder how receptive your wife would have been if you showed up en femme? I realize you do not want to rock the boat with your grandson, but, I do wonder.

Stephanie,
For the first sighting maybe better on neutral territory , besides I'm not going to put myself in a situation where I get the door slammed in my face .

She's getting to the point where seeing me is unavoidable , he sister has had coffee with me several times and I've been out with my daughter many times , I've suggested she meets me with my daughter if it makes it easier for her . I know some may question why I need this to happen , I'm thinking more about my son and grandsons in this situation , at least if she's seen me she knows what to expect , if and when it happens with them .

Teresa, That's great that your wife seems to have less of an issue with your dressing.

Teresa, helping others and not expecting anything in return and wanting to spend time with your grandsons is the right thing to do. I respect that. As Spock so often said "sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few". If my "right" to dress en femme ever comes between me and family or helping others just shoot me now.

Sometimes the wise choice is to take one for the team. I never realized until I came to this site that some would put their dressing above all else. While I love to dress and do have some measure of dysphoria the idea of blowing up my whole life over it and putting that above family does not compute.

Teresa, based on outcomes so far, I think you can trust your own judgement, and don't need to second guess yourself. These things can try people's patience, but you seem to have plenty of that.

Star,
It may take time and patience but I believe it can all come together . The tough part I've found is having the grandchildren used as pawns but I did put a stop to my wife telling people I was dead after her counsellor told her our separation was like a bereavement , it was totally irresponsible if the boys had overheard that conversation .

Hi Teresa,

It's really nice you are receiving some acceptance from your ex. I truly hope it continues. Enjoy those grandkids. They sure grow up fast.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Teresa

Star,
It may take time and patience but I believe it can all come together . The tough part I've found is having the grandchildren used as pawns but I did put a stop to my wife telling people I was dead after her counsellor told her our separation was like a bereavement , it was totally irresponsible if the boys had overheard that conversation .

---

I apologize if my comments were overly harsh. Everyone has their individual circumstances and we're not all the same so I don't want to come across as being uncaring. I should be thankful that I have been able to keep my dressing compartmentalized and hope that I can continue to do that. Everyone has to evaluate their own situation and act accordingly. When kids and grandkids are involved it adds another layer of complication.

Star,
No problem , you raised a good point .

I know circumstamces are different for members but sharing stories may help others deal with their own problems .