no end in sight

Hey everyone hope you all are well, So the "pink fog" I've seen mentioned here is definitely hitting hard this past month or so. I'm not able to keep things for long around my house out of fear of wife or kids will find my stash so I'm not currently prepared to completely dress as I desire. However i do have all the things i need ready to go in my secret shopping cart and I'm ready to hit the order tab but there's one big problem. I have no private time to dress !! and unfortunately i do not see any change in my current situation for a few months.

Anyone else out there going absolutely crazy! with the need to dress but unable to do so because of their current situation ??

Yes, I sometimes go through these phases but have never done the hotel thing ! Yes, I do sometimes slip into a couple of my wifes nice dresses and swish around abit !
What Items of your wife can you fit into ?

Yep, as reported many times my wife has fully retired and Covid-19 has set in. When my wife was still working I had seven hour days to be fully en femme a la June Cleaver. I did not spend a lot of time preening myself before a mirror. I was doing all the domestic chores. On occasion my wife would babysit over night our grandchild at our daughter's apartment. That gave me opportunity to take a drive and evening stroll. Covid squashed that too. My wife as I sleep apart for medical reasons (back issues & snoring) so I do sleep in a nightgown and panty. She is a late riser so in the morning I bang away on this keyboard in a nightgown and panty or a bra, panty and full slip under an ankle length fluffy robe. I wish I would have a full day of uninterrupted time.

If your wife is not knowledgeable of your needs (DADT?) how would you justify spending a night away from home? I guess you could book a room, pay cash (no credit card trail) and check out early. If you were found out by your wife that may require you to come clean. I do remember the days when I was grabbing at "crumbs of time,: i.e., when my wife took the kids to church and I stayed home for three hours. It was somewhat of a relief but still torturous.

I remember when the kids were younger and my wife was able to tell by my frustrating mood that I needed some fem time. She would recommend that I get a hotel room for a day or a Friday night and come back Saturday when I felt I was done. I never did it but came close a few times.

Rebecca - I'm afraid you have reached the point where your situation is no longer working, and you face a tough decision. You can continue trying to hide, which does not offer you the ability to dress as you need, You can come out and face the possibility of rejection. You could get hotel rooms, get caught, and everyone feels bad. You could even quit, which may satisfy what you believe your wife and family might prefer, but you know that won't work for you either. None seem adequate to you, so your quandary continues, and that may be the most unfair to everyone. Simply, you must resolve the situation. try to analyze which path offers the best outcome and go for it. I always recommend full disclosure, but you will have to gauge your situation as it stands, and be ready to own it as well.

My thought would be, if you are in a 'loving' relationship with another 'person' you NEED to share your feelings / emotions with that person.
Otherwise, IMO you are almost 'cheating' on the main person you share your life with. We all need to hopefully be who we are, and if we are in a relationship we (IMO) should share our feelings / needs / desires / what ever with that 'other person' we are trying to share our life with. I have no clue as to your age or time in this relationship. Still, logic is telling me if you have desires that you feel you need to hide from the person you are sharing your life with, this is not a great life plan. CrossDressing is NOT the worst addiction / hobby / desire / lifestyle their is. But if you feel the need to hide this aspect from the person you love, and that loves you, you are headed down a path that will only hurt you and the people that care about you.
WHO KNOWS, you might fess up to your desires and end up with a companion willing to expand your hobby / desires to the point that you are the one in fear of being lost to your desires.
That's something I feel many of us would love to have. Good Luck, and think about what you are doing and how it might hurt those you love.

I’m in somewhat the same situation. Before COVID, my wife would volunteer at a local non profit one day a week, which afforded me ample opportunity to dress. Of course with things closed down, she spends all of her time here at home. I must now be content to underdress and grab a few moments when she goes shopping.

Hi Rebecca, the decision to come out and face the consequences is yours since only you know your situation. However, my opinion differs about the comparison with cheating. I used to think like you that CDing was a lesser wrong than cheating. Until I came out (after 36 years) and saw the damage I did to my wife. I found out that cheating would have been more bearable to her, for one because this is something women are prepared to mentally while crossdressing is a blow coming out of the blue for almost any wife, but more importantly because the damage to trust, one of the most important foundations of a couple, is absolutely the same. In my opinion I hid for years. But for my wife I simply lied for years. I didn't trust her with my secret. I didn't let her have a chance to quit before committing, then before marriage, then when we reunited after a breakup, because I never told her, and her choices were taken away from her.
As I saw the impact of my wife, and how things I had initially deemed of little importance could turn out to be major aching points, such as the stealing of clothes (if your wife is anything like mine, stop this ASAP, the fact I wore on myself the clothes I loved seeing on her simply killed our intimacy), I started realizing the disconnect between the way we, CDers, think, and the way wives (or some of them at any rate) think. if you are interested, I tried to summarize these heavy blows to my wife in a thread (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...=1#post4502875).
Good luck with the fog.

Hello Rebecca;

While my marriage is one of full acceptance, and I do not face the challenges you do, I would encourage you to read a lot of the posts here with things like waiting so long to tell, wearing your wifes clothes and doing things like renting a room without discussing with your spouse. My concern is that you are heading down a path that will lead to more issues not less.

More people succeed in relationships with openness and honesty.

My own past includes a failed marriage because I was so deep "in the closet" that I put my own needs ahead of my family. My marriage breakup although not entirely my fault, in hindsight I could have done thing better.

Keep posting and reading, this site is a trove of great advice. You will find that asking "How do I ..." questions and evaluating how others handle thing can be of great help.

Rebecca

I know how you feel. I'm in closet/hidden mode. Since last year one daughter is now home a lot more, and another moved back home. They are both working, which seemed to offer some opportunity, but recently the spouse has found herself without a client and is home all the time. I had hoped for a big outing for Halloween, but circumstances didn't even allow me to dress at all. My dressing plans are on hold until further notice. All I can do is find other things to make me somewhat busy, at least enough to keep some of the pink fog dispersed. I determined not to stress out, and wait to see what opportunities present themselves. What's more, I had planned out clearing off my facial hair and dressing all out -- but that's also on hold until I can see some real dressing time in the forecast. I've been pushing that move off for almost a year now, so I will keep waiting.

My suggestion to you
IF you want the GGs input, feelings on this read the loved ones section especially the stickys on top of the section.
Many lived with not being told , you might get the perspective of your wife.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RebeccaS

My wife smoked cigarettes for months before I caught her one day...was that cheating on me because she hid a habit that she cant break ?

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Rebecca - Was that "cheating?" No. Was it lying? Yes. That's is what we are doing by hiding our crossdressing from those that are the closest to us, me included. Absolutely no one I love or my friends know of my "habit." The only friends I do have that know about this are here on this site and they don't know the real me. The difference is you are in a committed relationship and you have to understand how it will make your wife feel when she learns about this, just like when you found out about her smoking. As a few here have already said, they cannot predict how your wife will react because we don't know her like you do. They can only convey how it turned out for them and some of them turned out with better relationships and others lost it all. Only you can gauge how it will turn out in your situation.

For me, I have two failed marriages, and neither failure had anything to do with crossdressing, but failed because of the lies, keeping things from each other, and lack of trust. I am currently living with a friend, whom I just purchased his house from, and I am in the same situation as you. He has made comments to me that tells me he would not be accepting of my desire to dress, although he has no idea. You know things like, "It's gay!" So I am hiding my things from him in my own house! He is currently looking to buy another house for himself and move out, but he is waiting on the market to calm down a bit and be a bit less on the seller's side. Until then, I too have to sneak in some Linda time, which is usually on the weekends in the middle of the night when he is asleep. Is it a lie? Yes, but he and I don't have the same relationship you and your wife have. There is less at risk here.

I completely understand your desire to wait until the kids are on their own to break this to your wife. That is a decision you have to make for yourself. It is a very difficult one to make. I hope it turns out well for you and your wife is accepting of your desire to dress, even if it is a DADT situation where she knows but doesn't want to see. Good luck and let us know how it turns out for you.

Hugs,

Linda

Rebecca, there is a time bomb in your house. You can't see it, your wife can't see it, your kids can't see it but it is there and it is going to go off one day. When will be, only you and your wife know. Don't think for a second your wife doesn't suspect something is wrong, women intuit far easier than we ever will. You might do or have done something which she suspects is wrong in the marriage. Regardless of what it is, she likely suspects something. Are you cheating, I can't answer that, but lying, oooh yeah that is surely going on. And comparing your dressing with her smoking is not even close. Her smoking is not a deal breaker to the marriage, your dressing most surely could be. Wise up, get your own underwear, or outerwear and leave her stuff alone.

In the house I only underdress and only ever will. My wife knows that is the extent of my dressing which is why you will never see a picture of me on this site. When I go away for a weekend or even for several weeks when I go to visit my family the only things I take with me are night clothes and my under things. I do use a lipstick when the weather outside warrants it's use. I hate using Chapstick because it does more harm to my lips than going without. The lipstick I use is a nude or blush from Revlon which I can wipe off cleanly with just a bit of milk on a paper towel.

I repeat, Get your own and use it and stay out of her things.

Your wife is going to find out eventually, and will not be happy. You might even lose the marriage over it, be prepared for that.

Wearing her things will make this even worse. Don't wear her things, you are only going to pour gas on an existing fire by doing it.

Just an observation
You have made up your mind no matter what members have told you.
You might be right, we do not know you or your wife . The advice comes from members experiences and the GGs posted in loved ones section I referenced you to .

But please DO buy your own clothing, as many have told you ?..they know from experience . It will feel like another betrayal to her when she does find out.

Just a thought.

There are places other than your home to get dressed.

I've dressed in my car (parked discretely somewhere).

I've dressed in bathrooms, both womens and mens and unisex bathrooms when I can find them. I used to go to a GG clothing shop that was held in a community room collocated with the local police station. I even dressed there.

I had a married friend who was a CD with an accepting wife who used to let me dress there whenever we were going out en femme. I had other friend who would also let me change at their place.

I even rented a fair maiden costume at a Renaissance Fair and changed there.

I little creativity goes a long way.

Rebecca, I have a funny take on the smoking thing that has my family looking sideways at me. When Caitlyn Jenner was a topic, better yet her absence was the topic, the press was publishing pictures of her smoking. She was still Bruce but was quietly spending time as a woman and a long distance photo showed her out on a balcony with a cigarette.

I commented that her smoking was so much more of a concern than whatever she wore or how she lived, having been the top athlete in a generation was so in conflict with who I thought she was. I can only imagine many, perhaps your wife among them, thinking that CDing is similar in many ways to smoking, an addiction that might be controllable or quittable if only we really wanted to quit. When I talk with smokers or quitters, they truly enjoy the habit even if they know the consequences and will keep going.

I don't think that the CDing is a habit, it's too deeply connected to many parts of the persona for many of us no matter where we are on the spectrum. I will also admit that I have never smoked but one time while dressed I borrowed a cigarette and imagined what it would be like, just to see the images.