Have you been with a guy? (Posting my question again after 2 years) :)

Hi There,

I am posting my question again after two years and wanted to see how things are and how people view it. In last two years, since i have asked the questions, things haven't changed much on my side. I am still in closet, really busy, my wardrobe has been expanding but nothing more than that. I did came out to my gal pals about my dressing. I don't feel attracted to girls like a man does but I have new found attraction towards hunks and women of power.

I am curious to know others' views and try to get an idea on where to go. I get motivated when I see successful women and want to dress up at work place, maybe some day. I would appreciate if you could answer these questions.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
3. Did you feel guilty?
4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
finally,
5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)

I've been struggling to accept dressing as a natural part of me. But I know a couple of crossdressers who are very happy and see dressing up as natural after being with a guy. Everyone is different but these questions will really help.

Women of power what do you mean by that?
Hunks? Guy hunks or women hunks?
Yes I have been with a guy dressed enfemme and in guy mode.
I girl mode on a date with a guy it feels natural to me but then again I consider myself more female than male so it didn't make me feel more feminine.
Addicted to what exactly?
Standing next to a man on a date in girl mode dressed for an occasion feels very nice.Even better if he is holding my hand or has his arm around me.
Absolute best thing for me is when a guy I like comes up from behind and puts his arms around me. So awesome.

Leonal, it sounds to me u r a bit uncertain about both your dressing AND your sexuality!:straightface:

Stop beating around the bush. Ask what u really mean!:)

Sherry I thought that too because the way the questions were worded.
Sounds like she is dealing with a fetish about strong women.
Has urges to be with a man but not willing to admit it.
Best to just come out and say how you feel Leonal

Quote:

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Leonal, it sounds to me u r a bit uncertain about both your dressing AND your sexuality!:straightface:
Stop beating around the bush. Ask what u really mean!:)

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Sorry about being indirect. Just hoping that this post doesnt get flagged. But yeah, I love dressing up but feel guilty. Ever since I was kid, I wanted to dress up but feel bad. I am trying to figure what motivates me and where it leads. problem is that the urge to dress up doesnt go away and keeps coming back strong. Just wanted to know others' experiences which would be helpful.. really helpful..

I have been with several men. It has been interesting. Both guys where gay so not really into the whole cross-dressing thing. The sex? Amazing. Loved being with a man, being controlled and dominated so to speak. And I often wonder about being with a dominate woman but those are few and far between. So to answer your questions; 1, yes 2, very yes 3, sometimes but totally worth it 4, yes there is but it is addicting really think if what you want long term 5, not really I still feel disforic often but it did answer a lot of questions for me 6, I don't know about heels and all dressed up but I would love to be.
All this said I have a loving wife that is trying to adjust and accept me for who I am and I wouldn't be willing to give that up for the world no matter how our relationship transforms in the coming months and years.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kendalli

I have been with several men. It has been interesting. Both guys where gay so not really into the whole cross-dressing thing. The sex? Amazing. Loved being with a man, being controlled and dominated so to speak. And I often wonder about being with a dominate woman but those are few and far between. So to answer your questions; 1, yes 2, very yes 3, sometimes but totally worth it 4, yes there is but it is addicting really think if what you want long term 5, not really I still feel disforic often but it did answer a lot of questions for me 6, I don't know about heels and all dressed up but I would love to be.
All this said I have a loving wife that is trying to adjust and accept me for who I am and I wouldn't be willing to give that up for the world no matter how our relationship transforms in the coming months and years.

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Sounds like you've got a keeper. You're wife is amazing :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by leonal123

Sorry about being indirect. Just hoping that this post doesnt get flagged. But yeah, I love dressing up but feel guilty. Ever since I was kid, I wanted to dress up but feel bad. I am trying to figure what motivates me and where it leads. problem is that the urge to dress up doesnt go away and keeps coming back strong. Just wanted to know others' experiences which would be helpful.. really helpful..

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One thing I can tell u for sure, Leonal. Most of us have suffered from, or still suffer from, guilt!:doh:

And, no matter how hard u resist your compulsion to dress? The stronger it becomes!:straightface:

The way I beat mine was to give in to it! Which allows me to NOT think about dressing all the time as I once did. And, I only need to dress 4 or 5 times a month now!:thumbsup:

Never been with a man, never had the desire to be with a man.
We all felt guilty when we started crossdressing because we were the only ones in the world who did this
The more you are able to accept yourself as a CD, the more the guilt goes away. I was born this way, I was also born with blue eyes and brown hair. If I don't feel guilty about those, why should I feel guilty about CD?

Leonal -- you may be getting two different concepts confused. There's gender/presentation and there's attraction. It sounds like you have them all wrapped up around each other. Crossdrdessing will not validate an attraction toward men nor will being with men validate a desire to crossdress. If both of these things are natural to you, that's fine, you're not alone. But if you're doing either one because you think it's expected of you, then it's not going to work out well. It doesn't really matter what other people do or have done, you need to get an answer that works for you. I'm a big fan of therapy for working things out and that would be my first suggestion since it sounds like you're having a lot of anxiety about this.

1: Once, while en femme. Not counting a few almost random gay m/m encounters in my teens. In my mid 50’s, after being out a few months, I had a guy chat me up while I was at an LGBT nightclub. He talked to me for quite a while, bought me several drinks, said he thought I was beautiful, and made it clear that he knew what he was in for, that it would not be his first time with a transwoman, if I wanted to ‘go someplace and fool around’. I accepted, provided that he agreed to “treat me like a lady”. It was an okay experience, but he wasn’t worth seeking a second date with - especially since I would be moving to another state soon.

2: It was a validating and empowering experience for me, yes.

3: No real guilt, no. I was single and free to do as I wished. I had already accepted I was bi, though I had very little intimate experience with males. He claimed to be unattached. So no reason to feel guilty.

4: No, I did not feel stuck. I doubt I could do entirely without expressing my femininhe side now, but I could still have a ‘normal’ m/f relationship, if I found the right partner.

5: It did make me feel more ‘natural’, yes.

6: Well, I like being dressed up when I go out nightclubbing. I aporeciate positive attention from others of eitger gender. I enjoy being seen and appreciated as a beautiful female.

I dress for myself first and foremost because I like it, I like the way it feels and I like the way it makes me feel. I guess this is also what motivates me. I am bi and have been with a guy, nothing makes me feel more femme than being with a man. I am single and live alone so I enjoy dressing most of the time when I am home. I do not feel guilty at all because this is what I want and it makes me happy.

We all have choices to make...........I choose to do what makes me happy!

Jessica

I just wanted to preface my response to the questions by saying that I'm more on the TS spectrum and I did live full time as a woman for about a year before I met my wife. During that year of living full time, I met TS women of all sorts of different backgrounds. One girl grew up thinking she was gay and never even really thought about crossdressing then her therapist told her to give it a try and something just clicked. I've met other girls who were not attracted to men at all and they considered themselves as lesbian. Meeting them was actually the catalyst for me accepting that I am/was a TS as I was never really attracted to men. But then a funny thing happened. The more time I spent as a woman, the more I became attracted to men. Then another funny thing happened. I had to briefly go back to living as a men, and then I met my wife and here we are. I think sexuality can be as fluid as gender is for some people.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes. Never in a gay male-male relationship, but I have dated men before. I was stealth when I was living full time and dated two men who had no idea about me being TS. I also dated three men who knew about my TS background.

2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
I don't know about feminine, but it definitely made me more female. Maybe that was my motivation for dating men - to fell more validated as a woman. I don't need any motivation to crossdress, let alone dressing up for a guy.

3. Did you feel guilty?
Nope. Not at all.

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
Not sure if this really applies to me. I certainly didn't feel stuck.

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
Crossdressing has always been a part of my life and the only thing I had to accept was whether or not to transition.

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
I love heels. I love getting glam'ed up. I'm short so there is an element of empowerment by wearing heels and being just a bit taller. Oddly enough, I felt more female when I was significantly shorter than the man.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pat

Leonal -- you may be getting two different concepts confused. There's gender/presentation and there's attraction. It sounds like you have them all wrapped up around each other. Crossdrdessing will not validate an attraction toward men nor will being with men validate a desire to crossdress. If both of these things are natural to you, that's fine, you're not alone. But if you're doing either one because you think it's expected of you, then it's not going to work out well. It doesn't really matter what other people do or have done, you need to get an answer that works for you.

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What Pat said. Took the words out of my mouth (not the first time, she speak with wise tongue)

Daisy

I pretty much agree with Pat's response. Although there are obviously some apparent very fine threads that connect gender and sexual orientation, those threads are very insignificant and barely functional. So, from a practical point of view it is perhaps most fitting to the nature of the behaviors to keep them quite separate. Recent research has shown that the urges for sex and the sexual orientation come from different places in the brain than gender identity. So, it is understandable that in practice gender and sex tend to look like they are linked even though functionally they are not. That said, both constitute a need and in our daily lives linking the two together is a fairly common thing to do, especially in a binary society such as we live in. Just keep in mind that being transgender does not dictate sexual orientation - there are transgender people who are gay and others that are not gay. But trans and gayness are really different things. And there are gay men who dress in women's clothes on occasion even though they show no trans indications. Lots of combinations there.

So, perhaps if you are able to determine what is causing some conflict, as Pat says, with the help of a therapist, the two aspects of your full self (sex and gender) might be resolved. I agree that you are showing some guilt and shame feelings and perhaps are trying to rationalize them. Therapists are really good at helping people work that out and be more comfortable in a way that is more natural for you.

I agree with Pat as well but I also think you aren't exactly looking for the root of either your crossdressing or same sex attraction but rather some validation from others for how you might feel or what you might be interested in when you do dress up. That's what your first question tells me anyway: asking if anyone has gone there to see how much or how often the answer is yes. Your, or better still, I'll speak for myself, my sexuality is not dependent on one or the other and what I have a hard time with is that there is no definitive answer for me. I used to wish I *was* gay so as to have something clear cut to rely on. But instead I have a pretty complicated, personal relationship to sex, sexuality, crossdressing, and transgenderism and I partly envy those that don't. That said, here are my answers:

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes

2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
Not really. Getting dressed up motivates me and being a head to toe gal, I always try to look my best regardless if it's for the mirror or for a night out. In fact I'd say I've never dressed up *for* a guy, but being out and feeling pretty has led to my wanting to have a fuller experience as a woman (if I can say that!) and that has made the thought of being with a man incredibly enticing, so I sought it out. During and afterward, yes, I felt incredibly more femme, but no more motivated to dress up because I had that motivation long before.

3. Did you feel guilty? I did and didn't. I did when I maybe put myself in precarious situations (after all I didn't really *know* them), but for the act itself, not at all. I was single and perfectly free to do and experience what I wanted and happily did so while avoiding the "what does this say about *ME*?" type of hand wringing.

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
I am also unclear as to what you mean here. Stuck in being attracted to men? I'd say I was there already even before I did what I did, but I wouldn't call it "stuck" or "addicted" because that implies that I can, and maybe should, change aspects of who I am. Therapy, as others have said, helped me TONS, darling.

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
Nope. Therapy did. Becoming comfortable with (and I'm still not done by the way) the fact that I am and my personality is multi-faceted, like a precious gem :battingeyelashes:

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
Well there wasn't a lot of standing going on :o LOL but it felt nice--honestly though I was so self-involved, self-conscious, and nervous that I'd barely noticed the man at times. In fact looking back, I guess I haven't really been on a proper date. Maybe that's in the cards for me in the future, maybe it isn't. But it has nothing to do with whether I crossdress or not or how good I try to look when I do.

Have fun. Be pretty. Don't be hard on yourself if you can help it. And if you can't, see a therapist and ask them to help you!

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes
2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
Yes
3. Did you feel guilty?
Yes
4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
finally,
Yes
5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
No
6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
It feels degrading

Never been with a guy and have no intention of doing so ever either. As quite a few have said before Leonal, I think you are mixing up two seperate issues in your life. Perhaps you are 'blaming' your CD urges on your sexual fantasies of being with a guy - unrelated. Or perhaps your blaming your Bi feelings on your dressing urges again unconnected.

I am fairly certain that being with a guy whilst dressed and 'being' the woman would make one feel more feminine, but there is no cause and effect.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?

Yes, I attribute some of my dressing as a reaction to being with guys as a teenager. I so desperately wanted to be straight while at the same time be a woman.

2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?

Absolutely, especially when you are with a guy who is into it. Whether it is getting ready for him to come over or wearing sexy lingerie in the bedroom, its incredible.

3. Did you feel guilty?

As a teen i definitely felt guilty about everything. Guys and dressing. I would have the post orgasm guilt attack. As soon as I came, I wanted to run away. That went away in my early twenties, when I actually had a guy make love to me. It was like nothing I imagined, it was incredible and I never felt bad about doing it with guys ever since,


4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?

I have purged all my girl clothes and sworn of sex with guys several times. I have concluded its just a waste of money though its fun to buy new stuff.

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?

I feel much more comfortable with it now. I am dating a "straight" guy at the moment and he love it because i will wear stuff no girlfriend he ever dated would. I will also do anything he wants sexually. Dressing has been awesome in this particular relationship.

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)

For me, its about as as close as I get to feeling like a real woman. Even though I am not all that passable, he loves taking me to dinner and out for drinks. Only when he is inside of me do I feel even more like a real woman.

1. Have I ever been with a guy?
Yes, experimented with a friend when we were 12, ended up continuing until we were 17, them again with a friend when I was 26.

2. Does it make me more motivated?
No, my cross dressing doesn’t lead my sex life and vice versa, the fact that my sexual encounters in the past all included cross dressing is a bonus (my last encounter with a friend, they were TG)

3. Did I feel guilty?
I did when I was younger as it wasn’t “normal” for a man to wear a dress or sleep with another male, now I enjoy it.

4. Do I see a way back?
Cross dressing is a part of who I am and don’t want to change, as for my sexuality, I only enjoy the sex that I have and don’t fancy males as such.

5. Did it help me feel more natural?
No, I was already experienced when I started cross dressing so they were 2 parts of me that would mix.

6. What did it feel like?
It felt good being able to portray ourselves as lovers with no one else able to realise we were 2 guys.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes had a friend I played with from 14 till 16, lived out in the country and we were horny all the time
2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
Back than no, although I did find myself repeating some of the things I heard woman say to the men on porn. But still only dressed in private till 30
3. Did you feel guilty?
Never felt guilty was always afraid of being caught but never guilty of my bisexual self

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
Nope never felt stuck I feel I am in control and comfortable of my sexuality

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
Yes, especially since in male form I am ultimately alpha but in femme I am very sub

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
Depends sometimes I am extremely comfortable and others I am so uncomfortable and I just want to go hide, The hardest for me when I am in girl mode and I get uncomfortable is to keep from snapping into the alpha male but I love feeling pretty and if it's a good guy with me they can usually help me through my uneasiness and calm my nerves so I can let the girl out and enjoy the moment

Oh my...that's a hard one!

<snort>

I am bi as a man with a strong hetero component....maybe the best way to explain that is to say that I find the vast majority of men, fairly unattractive for a variety of reasons....some of which, I am willing to admit are in my head....having said that, and once I am more confident as Rowan, then yes, I will be....more than likely as part of a triad or quad that involves R. We are poly and tend to date the same people....and I love it. She told me a fairly graphic tale of what she wanted to see with me and another guy. Things got messy after that. I feel.like I am skirting the forum rules a little and I don't want to cross that line...
So...that guy is out there..and yes I will...and although I am in no rush, I am curious..

Cross dressing is not about sex to me....which is why I am profoundly grateful for the rules here against excess sexy talk..I really want to at least emulate a lady with some class and elegance....I can save trashy for behind closed doors.

One thing is for sure...I have been privy to the conversations many of my GG friends' conversations with guys on online dating sites...and in person...and the old saw that men are pigs is all too true in many if not most cases.

He can have some class and manners or go chase flies...I have more self respect than to settle for second rate.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?

Yes, but not while being dressed.


2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?

Looking back, I wish I would've been dressed and got to experience sex "as a woman."

3. Did you feel guilty?

The first time, yes, the times after, there was still some guilt, but there was more confusion as I am not attracted to men, as I could probably count on one hand the number of times I checked a guy out.

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?

Not sure what this means....

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?

Never experienced it while dressed...


6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)

I would like to know

Leonal,

Great post and good topic.
However, I wish this subject thread was on another section of the Forum except "Male to Female Crossdressing". I know the topic fits into general CD/TG area, but it is also a quite personal and sensitive topic (IMO). This part of the Forum is open to non-members and Lurkers (etc). I know, for example, that wives lurk around this website and read about their crossdressing husbands and check out what's going on. My point is that I may not mind sharing something so personal and perhaps secret with my forum sisters, especially now that I've been here a while. But I also don't wish to leave "surprises" out here in the open.
I wish the Forum had a more secure place, and devoted to JUST MEMBERS, where we could discuss some of the sticky stuff and in private away from Lurkers and Non-Members. Right now the "secured, private" parts of the forum are only the Pictures section and the Clothing/Makeup/Beauty section.

Definately agree with IleneD in the last post. Makes total sense.

Daisy