My HRT journal

I am creating this online journal to document my HRT journey, so that others members who may be considering or starting HRT themselves, can get an idea of what may be in store and so I can look back on my own journey when the time comes. Now of course every bodies journey will be different, but I think this could be helpful/insightful none-the-less.

This is going to be a continually updated post where I will describe any mental or physical changes, along with any other feelings or concerns I may have or had. I will be happy to answer any general questions which you may have, but will not get into detailed discussion or arguments because that is not the point of what I’m trying to achieve. I also am very aware of the negative effects which HRT can induce so please, do not try to doctor me on any effects of HRT or that I’m going too fast, have I thought it through bla bla bla, because I don’t care and I don’t want to hear it. I’ve heard enough of that already...

I will be updating this whenever I see fit, but I will TRY too update at least once a month. So without further ado, let’s get started.

HRT start date: 17/10/2018, 1 day before my 29th birthday.
Medication: Estrogen and T-blocker - low dose (Can’t go into more detail I’m sorry.)

Entry 1. 28/10/2018

Time on HRT: 1 week 5 days

Physical changes: Barely anything, if anything at all as expected. Sometimes I think my legs and butt look more feminine but it could just be the choice of clothes. The skin on my face and the hair on my head seems smoother/softer too, but that might be unrelated. No noticeable breast development yet though sometimes my “boobs” tingle.

Mental changes: I have notice several mental/emotional changes in the short time I’ve been on HRT, but these could possibly be placebo effects. I also found that simply the act of starting HRT itself had a huge impact on me, which I suppose was due to the fact that I had now accepted myself as trans and had actually started to do something about it.

Good changes.

I have lost interest in playing online games for some reason. I literally played 5hrs+ a day but since I started HRT, haven’t touched them once.
I haven’t seemed to road-rage as hard as I usually do.
It made me pierce my ears and start laser hair removal which I never really thought much about before.
I don’t think I would care if I was outed now, where I used to be very scared of the idea.
I have lost MOST of the sexual aspect of dressing up and now find myself wearing “normal” GG clothes, not the ****ty/sexy stuff I used to wear.
I quit my job as it was too laboursome and am looking for something which would better suit a lady :P
Starting HRT also inspired me to lose weight and I have already lost a good amount.

Bad changes.

I had crazy anxiety the first few days coming to grips with the fact I had started HRT but that has now disappeared.
I feel really weird wearing guy clothes now, even though I present as a guy. I certainly don’t feel like a “man” anymore and feel very out of place around other men which was never an issue before. The problem for me at the moment is that because I am still presenting as male, I feel out of place around women too, kind of like I’m stuck half way. I’m sure this will get better as the hormones take effect and I start presenting as a woman more frequently, so I just have to deal with it for now.
I’m having a bit of a hard time when I’m around my friends which I’ve known since school because I know one day soon, I am going to have to tell them what’s going on and even though I’m sure they will be supportive, it’s hard to act natural with it constantly on my mind.
I cry a little more easily too, but I have always been very emotional so it’s not a big deal.

Anyway that’s all I can think of for now. Will update when I can.

Love, Kas.

Kas, I find reading what you have to say is quite absorbing, it is about what I experienced when I was twenty, the first thing I noticed was a change in what I wanted to wear and what I was comfortable wearing. My mental outlook was emotional and I think because I was preoccupied with waiting for budding breasts my interests waned in other areas.

Certainly male oriented thinking went out the door and I did have a battle when something was discussed and I would take feminine view.

The budding breasts and aureolas came about three months into my course.

I await your next submission, and all the best on your journey.

Kas, this is a wonderful ideal! I would encourage you if you have not already done so to have some sort of "hard copy" or backup to your journal so you will not be completely dependent on this site. It might make interesting reading twenty years from now.:)

Thank you Kas for sharing your experience through a journal the way you feel like doing. I’ll be waiting and eager for your next installments whenever and however you feel to post them.

As you said, your personal experience may be different than that of others, but for those of us considering whether HRT is the way to go, your experience and comments are hugely appreciated.

Thanks and good luck in your journey!!

Kas,

I agree it would be good to have a copy of your journal in another place, and probably one that you update more frequently than monthly. I've found it to be good to sit and just think about things on a regular basis. Putting them in words, on a page, forces a bit more examination and organization. I'm not far in front of you on the hormone track but have been writing for a longer time and it's a good thing.

I've been maintaining a journal of sorts for about 3 years now, but I'm not quite 2 months on hormones now. The changes for me have been decreased anxiety now that I've finally made the decision to continue down this path a little farther. The anxiety I have is over different things, and those are mostly things I have some control over in one way or another. Before I was stressing about stuff out of my pay grade. I'm mentioned before that before I started HT my journal entries were several paragraphs long every day. I just noticed I went about 4 days without an entry and it was fairly short. So even if there are no direct mental effects from the hormones themselves, the choice to take them has had an impact on my thinking. I haven't felt much in the way of emotional swings or emotions that are out of character from what I felt before. It turns out my E levels prior to getting my Rx were quite high already, so maybe the new E isn't that much of a change there.

I was wearing comfortable and pretty much age appropriate clothes before, so not much of a change in style. I'm not out to everyone yet. I've set times for benchmarks at 3 and 6 months to see how everything is going before I take the next steps there. I think having a plan like that helps reduce the stress. As such I bounce back and forth from male to female clothing and I'm mostly comfortable either way these days. It's nice to feel a little liberated from having to meet some ideal presentation to match my self-image. I'm in between now and dress how I want, that may change one of these days, but for now I have the flexibility and will use it.

Physically, I'm old and overweight and will probably remain like that unless my arthritis goes away and I forget how to cook. I do have tenderness in my breasts and think I'm getting a little more tissue there, but that could just as easily be my imagination and wishful thinking as actual physical development. Skin is a little dry, now that I think about it.

Keep writing, be patient and brave. You are your best champion.

Hi Kas,
Good luck on your journey. I started my journal too but I found myself not updating it since 5+ months into transition (i am few weeks shy of 1year) as I couldn't find any new info to add. Everything was kind the same. Yeah, brest still sensitiv, still growing but that about it. I think I am just bad and journaling - was never my thing.

Good idea, Kas! Will be reading whatever you wish to share on this! I have a journal from counseling in a notebook that is very helpful for me! I probably will keep one when I start HT as well! Best wishes on your journey! Hugs Lana Mae

Hi Kas,
Interesting thread.
I'm in my sixth month with similarities with your experience so far.
Of course is good to keep record of the changes with pics.
Can I ask the way of your HRT? Pills, patches for estrogen, injections?...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vanessa Grandy

Can I ask the way of your HRT? Pills, patches for estrogen, injections?...

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I am using pills. I know they're not the most efficient, but they are easy.

I have always hated the idea of injectables, so will try to steer clear of that route, but who knows...

I have heard patches can be a pain to use and theyre more expensive.

Entry 2. 29/11/2018

Time on HRT: 1 month, 11 days.

This will just be a short one as I haven’t had a lot of changes, but certainly some.

Physical Changes: Breast growth! This has also been confirmed by my SO who has now mentioned it several times. I haven’t had any pain or itching which is good, though I have yet to be hit hard in my chest area. I get a little bit of discomfort when lying on my stomach and in certain positions while lying on my side. I was a little surprised that breast growth started so quickly for me which kinda freaked me out at the start, but used to it now. I am just worried if they grow too big I may have to bind for work. My butt also seems to have gained some size, but hard to say for sure. Hair growth on my body also seems to have slowed down a little and thinned out.

Mental Changes: I mentioned in my first entry that I was having a hard time fitting in with guys or girls, but that doesn’t seem to be an issue anymore as I am more comfortable with what I’m doing. Other than that, I just feel like regular old me.

Good: I feel much more comfortable in myself and around others compared to a few weeks ago.

Bad: Although the breast growth is exciting, it gives me some anxiety thinking about how I am going to hide them as I am not full-time. I guess I will just cross that bridge when I get to it.

Anyway that’s it for now.

You had mentioned that your had quit your job to find one more appropriate for a lady. This morning you're mentioning that you may have to bind for work. Curious to hear the back story!
Just bumped into this journal this morning and glad to be hearing the effects good and bad, keep going!

Hi Kas,

Unless you work topless, I would not worry to much about being able to hide breast. I had the same fears but I realized the chances of developing large breasts is very small. You do need to remember that it is now going to be a location where fat will get accumulated, just like more fat will accumulate in your butt than in your belly area. So I would just try to maintain healthy body weight if anything.

Hi Kas,
I just want to let you know that I am pretty much in the same state as you are right down to the anxiety about how to hide the girls....I have found that I am feeling much better about who I am and the body I have to live in.

BTW I am on the patch and I find it amazing much easier than having to take a pill each day which I have to do for the anti androgen

Wow! That sounds very exciting! Breast growth early on sounds incredible. Keep going and documenting your experience please. It is tremendously helpful for some of us considering a similar path, with similar job constraints. You are much younger (good for you for not waiting too long and willing to live as you want), but your experience is certainly very valuable, at least for me.

What’s your SO’s state of mind seeing you changing before her very own eyes?

Thank you again for sharing and keep us posted!

Maccy,

Yes I managed to find a much more suitable job, working for an electronics manufacturer, which involves basically no physical labour and in air con.

Katya,

You’re probably right. Might not need to bind.

Carolina,

Luckily I have an open minded SO and she basically just said I look like I have man boobs (in a joking way) lol.

Kas, that's great! About the job and the 'man boobs' :D

Hi Kas, Thanks for sharing your journey. It’s interesting to see the personal changes you are experiencing. In many ways, I am experiencing the same changes, though I wonder how much age affects transitioning. At 9 months into transitioning, I have lost most of the interests I have had for decades. On the other hand, I will always be the same person.

I looks forward to your updates.

Anne, interesting. What sort of interests that you had for decades have you lost? Sports, social, sexual, clothing... just curious about the effects of HRT...

Tks!

Sorry for the delay on this update. God time flies!

Entry 3. 30/01/19
Time on HRT: 3 months 13 days
Note: Moved to higher dosage of E after month 3.

Physical Changes: In my last post I mentioned that my boobs weren’t sore, but damn has that changed. My nipples now get sore from even the slightest touch. Just putting on a tshirt can make them sore! Jesus lol. I have had to become super protective of my chest area now but that’s ok. My nipples are growing (not so much my areola) and can be quite visible when I wear a tshirt. I don’t really care though cos it makes me feel sexy :P My skin is softer and I don’t seem to get pimples anymore which is good. Body hair is the same unfortunately but I’m currently doing laser on my face to solve that issue and thinking about doing my tummy/chest too. It also seems to be a little harder to lose weight, though this could be attributed to my medication which can sometimes cause water retention.

Mental Changes: Not much to be honest. Just feel like my regular self which is good :) Still presenting as male at work and that’s fine with me. Also, I still seem to get sexually aroused easily enough and everything downstairs is still working as before which I am very pleased about (that was my biggest worry).

Good Changes: I am feeling very comfortable with myself and what I am doing in my life. Sure I could use more money, but besides that everything is good. My SO isn’t showing any sign of wanting to leave or any other negative opinions and I’m getting along better with my daughter than I ever have before, so yeah. Everything’s just fine and dandy 🙂

Bad Changes: Not much, besides the sore nipples :P Still a little concerned what will happen if they get too big!