still "my guy" underneath. Is it really?
I saw this question in another thread but did not want to derail that thread into another topic, so thought I would try responding to it in a new thread.
Quote:
I have a question for the Cders here. This is something that continues to confuse me. Im a GG and very new to this whole thing. I have heard many cders (mine included) that that whether they are dressed en-femme or drab that its still "my guy" underneath. Is it really? Because what everyone is say here is that its NOT just the clothes. That when you put them on you want to feel, act and be treated like a woman. So if thats the case then how can my SO still be "my guy" when dressed? Is this just an answer to get us to accept? Do tell.
There are a lot of differences among cross-dressers so it is important to understand that I am speaking to this question from the relationship I have with my wife
- am I still her guy underneath? The answer is "no".
I never really have been the guy she thinks she knows, either. It does not matter how I am dressed.
I've never told her I am the same person wether I am dressed or not. But that has been a belief that she has clung onto, of her own making. I let her have this belief because it seems to help her in tolerating me, and I want to be tolerated at least.
I really have disliked this belief she has, because it does not accept the complete / whole me.
She has her "man". She tolerates some of my behavior (which she sets aside into a defect of character box), and still believes that somehow I will one day pull out of it, and be the manly man she thinks I am or should be.
It is an incomplete, not entirely honest, fractured relationship driven on by both of us (me, ofcourse, being the most dishonest).
It is not just about the cloths for me. But thinking it is is easier for her.
It would be interesting to hear what others think.
as usual, I seem to be the odd person in this thread
Ok, I grant that the "Tina" part of me was at least partially inside of the composite person who is me. When we were all mixed together, the "me" married and lived happily married as "me" for 32 years. At that point my wife and I discovered Tina. My wife is very intestested in the differences/similarities in growing up, being socialized, and becoming part of a gender. For four+ years now that Tina has existed we have talked about this issue from an incredible number of angles.
From the beginning Tina has been separate: separate name, separate clothes, separate makeup (of course), and even a separate e-mail address. Tina is a girlfriend, not a husband. That fact alone changes the dynamics, and we have worked toward trying to teach Tina how to be a girlfriend! It doesn't just happen automatically. Tina has developed likes and dislikes that are very different from the male part of "me", and, most importantly, likes and dislikes that were never part of the combined "me". Tina continues to evolve into a person with characteristics that the combined "me" never had, or even considered. My wife suggested I (in drab) read a certain book the other day, but then we looked at each other and simultaneously said, "no, that's one for Tina".
Please understand, we think this is terrific! We aren't complaining or concerned or unhappy. The male me is now informed in ways he never thought possible, and the feminine side does nothing but help that. Heck, even the shared body has lost 35 pounds! LOL
So, even though the "he" and "she" in me share a knowledge base, what we do with that knowledge base is very different, we like it that way, and it is nothing short of fascinating to see how Tina grows, evolves, and becomes feminine in her own right. And, the "he" still exists, just not when "she" is around :).
Tina
P.S. I'm still not sure that I explain this situation well. It's so very hard to put into words, and I'm sure it would be impossible to experiance without a loving wife who is also very interested in the psychology and emotions that help to define Tina.