Gay and Masculine

Greetings, gurls. I am new to this site and somewhat new to the journey of accepting myself in the identity of crossdresser.
I enjoyed straight and gay relations in my youth and for decades identified as bisexual. I only accepted the gay identity about 20 years ago, while in my late 40s. Similarly, while I have worn women's wear randomly for decades, I have only in the past five years or so embraced the crossdresser identity and stopped the purging and denial. Self acceptance is everything, and wish I had crossed that bridge decades ago. I can only wonder where I would be now if as a youth I had been out to myself and to my family as a homosexual and a crossdresser! Instead I lived a secret undercurrent of hidden shame and self rejection.
I still find myself on the fringe of this community, however. It seems like most crossdressers are straight and enjoy long and healthy marriages to women. Part of me wishes that I could live that life, but at this point in my life I only date men. The man I have dated for the past year and a half knows that I am a crossdresser but is uninterested, so I never dress when we are together. I am okay with dressing when I am home alone. I do not yet feel the urge to dress every day.
I also am feeling on the fringe of this community because I am quite comfortable being masculine even while dressed. I have no interest in looking, feeling or acting feminine. I have facial hair and have no interest in shaving any part of my body, or wearing wigs, makeup, jewelry or perfumes. I just like wearing the clothes. When I put on a bra and a dress at home, I wonder why I do not do this more often, yet when I am ready to leave the apartment I am more comfortable wearing drab.
Are there any other occasional crossdressers here who relate as gay and thoroughly masculine even while dressed in femme wear?
CeCe

Welcome to the fray, CeCe! First I think it is awesome that you are comfortable enough to go out dressed and be masculine! I would not have the guts to do that. But I never thought most here were straight. I always kind of estimated it at 50% more or less. And many are married but I would not say happily! Or maybe that is just me speaking. But there have been a few who do not wear makeup or wigs and just wear the clothes. To each their own. The great thing about this site is that it does not matter what your orientation or why you do this, we all have a common bond, the love of wearing womens clothing (speaking M2F only and some of the GGs. Lol)

CeCe:

First, let’s see if you’re in the right spot. [X] Likes to wear the clothes of the opposite sex.

Yup, you belong here.

Second, you have a Significant Other (“SO” or “S/O”) who disapproves of your dressing. I’d say there is a significant percentage of members here who are in a loving relationship or marriage with someone who is either totally in the dark about the other’s crossdressing, or who knows but disapproves and wants nothing to do with their partner’s dressing. Many here live either hidden or tortured lives because of their situation. I think that over time you will find affinity with much that is discussed here. You’ll certainly get to know some wonderful people.

Finally, welcome welcome welcome. Once you have ten actual posts, more features of this site will open up to you. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your new home.

Maybe I'm unclear, CeCe? Does dressing fem make u feel MORE masculine, less, or the same?

I ask because many here r like me. I'm the same "me" no matter what clothes I'm wearing. I may fantasize that I FEEL more fem when dressed. When in reality I simply LOOK more fem!:daydreaming:

Also, there r number of bearded dressers here. And some, "just throw on a dress and nothing else", dressers!:heehee:

Thanks for asking, Doc. I would say that generally I am the same me whether I am in jeans and a t-shirt or a bra and a skirt. Wearing a dress does not lead me to think or behave girly.
CeCe

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Thanks very much for the embracing welcome, Rhonda. I am happy to have found this site. I will benefit from the supportive culture here as I continue to explore my CD life.

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Thanks, Karren. I have a lot to learn about myself in the CD life, and I will benefit much from the experiences of those who have walked the path before me.
CeCe

hey CeCe...welcome...I find it both interesting and a bit ironic that your partner doesn't want to see you dressed. That's also a huge issue for us heterosexual cd's.

Hi Cece. Members here come in all shades of crossdressing habits and sexual and gender orientations so you should feel at home. Welcome to the forums.

Hi there welcome. I am not totally masculine when dressed. However, I don't go out of my way to try and pass either. I don't try to walk or talk like a woman.

Greetings, Audrey. Gay guys like my partner typically are attracted to men who look like hunks, and are not interested in guys who look like women unless its campy entertainment, like a drag show. Almost two years ago, I posted on a dating service looking for a partner who was interested in a CD, and almost all the responses were from men who were married to women. My boyfriend wants a man, not a CD, so I give him what he wants.

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Thanks for taking the time to welcome me so warmly. Diane!

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I am happy to meet you, Kitty Sue! Thank you for introducing yourself.

Hi Cece,

Welcome! I'm in pretty much the same boat: gay guy whose partner knows about (but isn't into seeing) my crossdressing. I don't CD much, and never in front of him. Coming out to him was scary, but I'm so glad I did it. I'd love to chat more if you like.

Cheers,

Christa

It’s always good to have another viewpoint, apart from interesting! Two of my friends are a gay couple and one of them has just this year made an appearance as the femme persona that he has kept hidden for decades. So far, his partner is totally on board with it. As always, time will tell!

Hi CeCe, it's a very broad community here, we are who we are. Self acceptance is so important and rewarding. It took me far to long, as with many. Just enjoy being who you are and respect and take care of those close to you. The rest of life is just a movie we watch as we pass by the screen.

Hi Cece and thank you for sharing, my situation is similar. I considered myself "straight" in my teens but turned bisexual once I hit my 20s. I wear lingerie to bed plus forms & a wig, and I have a wonderful boyfriend who very much accepts (and also likes) my dressing. When I dress I feel the ultimate femininity wearing beautiful lingerie especially having a boyfriend to go to bed with every night. I'm usually in guy mode during the day but still feel fem most of the time then also, probably because I'm constantly thinking about the gorgeous sleepwear I'll be wearing to bed that night.

What a great thread. I'm new here and I love the acceptance everywhere. Neither of my wives tolerated my dressing or fetish. Your last question made me think and like other have said, I'm just normal me when I'm dressed. I've been with men who enjoyed me dressed and I was just a guy too who wore things their SO wouldn't. I went camping a few years back and went for a long hike in a satin cami and tap panty set and hiking boots and don't recall feeling or acting feminine, just free to be me.

Hi, Christa. Yesterday I dressed fully for the first time in several months. I was home alone for most of the day. My boyfriend called and I told him I was wearing a dress. I told him that if he came to visit me, he would see. He did not visit.

Hi CeCe, and welcome! It is very interesting to me that our gay members seem to have the the same type of issues with their partners that our straight ones do. Crossdressing is kind of like a two person bicycle; it's a test of the relationship.

I find this interesting in that it appears that Crossdressing appears to have little to do with Sexual orientation, but it likely is a condition or drive all to itself. I always thought it absurd that many sexually ignorant people Equated Crossdressing with being gay. I mean, if Gay guys were attracted to other men why the heck would they want to present themselves as women? And being a straight CD, myself it never made any sense. The same "Ignorant people" would reply, "Well, they are trying to attract straight men". Again, a reply that makes no sense. especially since no one would be fooled. I would think a gay guy would want another gay guy (Save for the rare variant who may have other issues). I would think such ignorance is a source of much hostility towards gays, by people not really knowing what Homosexuality really means.---------For me, a gay involved in crossdressing is very interesting in a psychological Science sense. it seems to suggest personality systems other than "sexual" are involved in crossdressing, but can induce a "high" or orgasmic response. It seems the brain responds this way when we dare to cross "lines" or "Limits" e, g. "taboos", social or self-established that causes a deep subconscious response. ----Anyway though, I must admit it IS fun. aside from my joy of discovery in my psychological studies.

CeCe, it seems your boyfriend doesn't want to see you dressed and made that clear, so I'm not sure you should push it as it may backfire. You have some rare acceptance already since he lets you do it when you want and doesn't seem to try to control it (some relaxed DADT of sort). Few members here can enjoy that with their SO, so you may want to not break that fragile balance. Also, by not offering to see him undressed, might he not get the impression that dressing is more important for you than seeing him?

Welcome. I'm not especially active on this site and you can tell from my username that I wasn't prepared to join the gurls when I arrived. I guess that says something. I'm finding myself drawn to the TG/Gender Non-Binary forum which also says something about me. I'm not interested in wigs, high heels, or passing, but I love wearing a brassiere and have quite a few of them in a dedicated dresser drawer. I've talked with a couple of gay friends about my fascination with my own breasts and with wearing a brassiere and they are very supportive of my exploration. They've even shared photos taken at events with men in drag. Neither of them have been drawn to that but they certainly understand gender bending.

All that said, my relationship with lingerie and especially with brassieres has been intermittent in my life. It has likely grown as I've gotten older simply by the fact I suffer from gynecomastia and my breasts have grown to the point where they fill a C cup brassiere. Go figure! I don't need to "dress" to enjoy the feel of silken brassiere cups holding my breasts. One size definitely does not fit all, but clearly this is a wonderful place to be when one is exploring nontraditional matters of both gender and sexuality. Welcome.

Thank you, Diane, for that interesting perspective. Yes, I am blessed that my SO was at least accepting when I announced that I like to dress sometimes. I am hoping that at some point we can spend the afternoon together with me dressed, but he is not yet ready for that.

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Hi, Angela. Clandestine dressing comes with a sense of isolation, which is a bit uncomfortable. Thank goodness for this embracing virtual community! Hopefully someday I will join a live community of crossdressers.

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Thanks for the welcome, Jane. I thought I was in self acceptance for years, when in fact I was in denial and repressing my enjoyment of wearing women's wear due to the invisible pressure of societal norms. Yes, I must be more free to be me!

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Hi, Stacy. I like the mental picture I formed of you feeling absolutely free in the woods.

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Thanks for the welcome, April. Yes, I sense that my partner was attracted to the masculinity he saw in me. Hence, he is now sorting how to perceive me as a man in a dress. Perhaps women SOs are similarly challenged.

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Greetings, Visitor. I imagine that gynecomastia impacts a partner differently than crossing the line in gender apparel for the rest of us. Your SO must understand that the growth of your breasts was unavoidable. But, wow, it must feel wonderful to slip your breasts into your brassieres!

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Hi, Jessica. How wonderful that you and your boyfriend have found a way to work your crossdressing into your relationship. The more accepting I am of myself as a crossdresser, the more I want my partner to accept and enjoy it with me. This is building into something, and I am eager to see where it goes, positive or negative, but I have to respect my partner's lack of appetite for this and progress at a pace that is comfortable for him.

I think it's cool that you are here and i think there is no reason for you to feel on the fringes. Online maybe you dont find it on the message boards but i see beared gay dudes or just queer people in dresses with all their body hair looking glorious in clubs. so in my opinion you are very much a part of our world. we are not all the same and that's whats great about us. so welcome.

Thank you for the welcome, XemmaX. By the way, you look glorious yourself.