What is the hardest thing your wife adjusted to?

To my surprise my wife was open to me getting forms. She is also ok with me wearing eye makeup. But recently I mentioned something about him and wig, and well she is not so comfortable with that. Without a wig, I'm just a miad. I need can wear dresses, bras, nylons, swimsuit, but as soon as I mention a wig she got uncomfortable. She has always been supportive and given me my pink time, but out of all things, why the wig. I'm sure she will come around soon, just surprised me.

What is the one thing your S/O had a hard time adjusting to or flat out said no way?

Ummm...EVERYTHING! :(

Also known as DADT ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell"), or some other variant thereof such as DWTSIDWTKAAI ("Don't Want To See It, Don't Want To Know Anything About It")

I can be dressed up and well made up and when we are out my wife will say "You're not going in there with that hair on, are you?"

Very strange, I can't work it out sometimes.

Other times it is all okay shopping in a mall somewhere, high heeled boots, makeup and wig.........

I just don't know.

The body shaping seemed to be the boundary edge for mine.
My first presentation of a bra drew her wonderment at "why would anyone wear a bra that didn't have to?!" The breast forms freaked her out, and I haven't gotten around to showing Ilene in her full glory with hip forms. She knows I have them because I showed her a photograph where I have obviously assumed a more hippy shape.
The clothes were OK, not wildly enthusiastic about clothes, but the body shaping into a woman's shape seems a bit far for her (yet).
Trying to explain that most dresses and some garments & looks just won't work or fit without foundations.

For my wife, it was jeans. It was a firm NO. I did end up convincing her to let me get one pair from a thrift store just to satisfy my curiosity. (My favorite curvy boot cut style). Once she saw they fit and looked pretty good, she's okay with them now. It's the butt shaping she still hasn't fully accepted. Wig, makeup, forms, no problem.

Who's screwed up here??? Women that accept their men dressed all out as women with breast forms, hip padding and don't want them to complete the presentation with a wig??? How does a man completely dressed as a woman look with male hair or bald??? Men's jeans showing they have no butt look terrible, she says no to tighter fitting girl jeans then changes her mind when seeing they fit him better but then has a problem with going from no butt to a shapely butt???

And to go back to where all this started why does a man want to wear women's clothes anyway???

Dogs, cats and animals don't have this cross gender problem, if human's are smarter than animals why do they???

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Originally Posted by deebra

Dogs, cats and animals don't have this cross gender problem

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maybe they do? No one has ever bothered to ask

My wife had big issues for about 2
Months with makeup and wigs.. fast forward to Now and it all seems good!

I was surprised when she was irritated that I took off the wig whenever she came into the room. But she hasn't succumbed to any shaving, and I think would like me to leave on the facial hair if it were up to her, as a reminder that I am male. Fortunately with my skin problem, that isn't going to happen anyway. The rest....we'll see.

My wife accepted/tolerated my dressing for many years. Her acceptance varied depending on God knows what. I never figured it out.

I remember the day she came home and Linda was standing in the breakfast area looking at her. She knew Linda would be home but she'd never seen "everything", including the first wig. It rocked her back on her heels. At that point I stopped being a Man in a Dress and was presenting as female. She jumped to the conclusion that next stop was hormones and SRS in Thailand. (Nope, that's not the road I'm traveling but she wasn't listening to me)

Things were degenerating. Everything I did seemed to confirm her belief that I was going to transition. She even felt my therapist was conspiring with me to make this happen. When I asked her to meet with my therapist she honestly thought this was the death sentence of our marriage and that she was going to get the news that I was starting my transition.

Luckily that wasn't the case. To this day I don't know what the Therapist said to her but my wife now understands and has been supportive ever since.

What was the hardest thing for my wife to adjust to? The wig, because it made Linda complete.

It is interesting what is and is not accepted!

I can be facially made up all nails done and wearing a most stunning rouge silk scarf! - Tolerated and possibly seen as stylish!

I can wear yellow, purple and lime green with orange thongs (flip flops) - yet I'm frowned upon when the pink comes out!

In my own home I am not to be seen in a dress, a wig or any breast!

A short apron and lace panties around the house is fine though!

Any wonder I'm so confused!

So not confused Stacy!

My wife seems to have adjusted to everything because I brought it on slowly and didn't make a big deal out of it. Boobs, butt, wig, clothes, jewelry, etc. I only wear a bit of beard cover and lipstick and she noticed and adjusted to that. More makeup might be a problem because she doesn't typically wear makeup herself. I find that if I progress slowly, she doesn't complain. If I had just walked into the room as Krisi, I think that would have been too much of a shock for her to accept.

Part of the original question was "flat out no way". Well, that would be leaving the house dressed and made up as a woman. OK, I'm fine with that because I don't want my neighbors knowing about my "little hobby". I have gone out underdressed and changed in a deserted parking lot several times when she has been out of town. My goal is to go out in public as sisters or girlfriends but I'm going to have to figure out a way to do this from a hotel in another city. We haven't talked about it.

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Originally Posted by Leslie Langford

Ummm...EVERYTHING! :(

Also known as DADT ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell"), or some other variant thereof such as DWTSIDWTKAAI ("Don't Want To See It, Don't Want To Know Anything About It")

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Prior to, and for many years after we married, it was the same for my wife. Couldn't/wouldn't accept anything about it. Currently I can dress as I please around our home with one notable exception...a wig. It's often said that a wig is "our crowning glory" so perhaps that's why it's "a bridge too far" for my wife. Since my wife still doesn't talk openly and candidly with me about my crossdressing it's difficult to know why a wig troubles her so much.


Karen

If you are in a position to grow your hair out, a wig wouldn't be necessary.

That said, my choice at this time is to wear a wig rather than growing my hair out. Being a different color and style, the wig is a big part of what transforms me from Homer to Krisi. Maybe that's the final straw for many wives.

You're reading my mind Krisi. :) It's not easy to do at my age, but I do still have most of my hair. It's a bit thinner than it once was on top, but I've been letting it grow and been getting it cut differently. No comments about how it looks from my wife about it to this point.


Karen

A wig must be the last thing separating a wife from her husband. I'm in a DADT. I have not tried to present as Stephanie at all. I fear she would have a melt down. Back to the wig or hair issue. My wife is now termed a "survivor" of breast cancer. During chemo she lost all her curly hair which is now growing back. Losing her hair was actually worse than the breast cancer. Go figure? Breast cancer has a real possibility of killing a woman. Losing the hair temporarily....it'll grow back in. She has her hair was part of her visual image. I suspect adding that wig may have erased the last vestige of manhood. I wonder what a woman would do if her husband had always been the "long haired hippie" type with shoulder length hair? If he had a beard and went to shave it off would the meltdown then be the lack of facial hair???

Yes, it is interesting the things that the wife may take exception with. I have an understanding and excepting wife who had a couple of issues that took time to over come. One of the first was a bra, to her it is a very feminine article of clothing and she didn't like me wearing one, that was well over 10 years ago. Funny, now I have moobs that fill a B cup mostly and now a bra doesn't bother her any more, so I very often wear one. She has even helped me in buying bras. Maybe it is because I now have something to put into the cups? She can't stand pantihose and thinks that I am nuts for wanting to wear them, she had a bit of a difficult time when I first started shaving my legs. The most resent issue was when I bought a lacy feminine nightgown, and it upset her, then of couple of days later asked why I stopped wearing it. I told her I didn't want to upset her and she apologised for her response saying that it initially took her by surprise and it was okay for me to wear it. The last issue was a month ago and she has been accepting for over 20 years. I dress as I choose around the home and she has helped me buy clothes on countless occasions, so go figure when it came to the nightgown!

For me it seemed like biggest one was when I shaved my body. Forms, clothes, makeup and wig didn't do it, but as soon as she was touching smooth hairless skin under the covers in the dark it changed her comfort zone.

She loves it, but it was certainly an ah-hah moment.

I transitioned for her (for 5 years), I went back for her, we have done a lot of crazy things together when I was Jennifer. During it all, she always said I was the same person no matter how I was dressed. So what got her? Not real sure, but her total attitude change came about one weekend when the girls were gone to the Gp's and we were cleaning out closets about 10 years ago. I had surgery about 15 years ago that kinda killed my stomach muscles. So since then I look like I'm about 6 months pregnant all the time. Well, as we were cleaning out the youngest's closet, we came upon a couple of boxes of my wife's old maternity clothes. She threw an outfit at me and jokingly said try it on. So I did and as figured it fit...really well. She made the joke then about "barefoot and pregnant, thats how I like 'em..." and we just kept on with the closet and me still in the outfit. We finished up and went to clean up and after showers we were headed to the mall and as we were getting dressed she through another outfit at me to wear. The exchange went something like this - me..to the mall?!? her - what, you ashamed to be pregnant? So I shrugged it off and changed into the outfit. Again, the outfit fit like it was made to...as if I was 6-7 months pregnant. With my shoulder length hair and a bit of styling and light makeup I looked like any other woman...pregnant woman that is.
The outfit was nothing fancy. As I remember it was a floral peasant blouse and a pair of slacks but with the empire cut of the blouse, bra (and I did/do still fill a underwired C cup pretty well) and plain tennis shoes I guess I was very convincing. To convincing.
Doors were opened, people stepped out of the way, a few times a checkout line was opened because we were waiting/standing there with arms full. Then it happened. Within 5 minutes, I was asked when the baby was due and two different people said "I had that glow". Well, my wife came up with the cover on the due thing thinking it was funny, but the look on her face changed totally when I was told "I had that glow"...twice. We went home shortly after that. She didn't say much just finished boxing up the rest of the closet stuff and put it out in the garage. Dinner she didn't say much either and when we were getting ready to go to bed as I took off the outfit she picked it up and put it in a trash bag. Nothing happened in bed that night either. Ever since then she has been cold to me not so much when I wear "regular" clothes or panties, but if I put on a bra or other really feminine artical of clothing I feel like I'm standing in front of an open refrigerator door.

The hardest thing my wife had to adjust to was me crossdressing and even having a name interesting she said!!
We can go shopping for her and I look around for something for me but I have never bought anything with her.

she asked once if there was anything I would like and realized what she said and took it back very quickly. lol
as I was about to say there is a black and white dress that I would like to get. so we stay in this dadt world.

Silky,
I feel when the wig goes on the guy finally disappears , maybe that's also you wife's thought, I'm not MIAD when I go out it would feel wrong to me .
Also your wife may think the next step is going out, so where does that leave her, just she go along with it and possibly join you or start making more stringent rules ?

I'm in a DADT situation , my doesn't want to see me at all.

Ilene,
I have a mental block on wearing forms, if my wife found out it might have been a step to far, besides they can be expensive depending on the quality. This is why I devised my water filled balloons , the twist is I really like them and preferred them to some forms I was given to try. Even when I move into my new home I may stick with them.

The hardest thing she adjusted to ??? Let's just say ME.
Jon

This is hard to just give one thing that was hard for her to adjust to but at first she was all on board with the dressing. She even bought Jaylyn Christmas presents, helped me with makeup she has even helped many times apply my makeup, we bought bras together at Lane Bryant, we had a matching leggings and top once. Here's the hard part since she went thru the change she doesn't enjoy playing dress up with me any more. I suppose the answer to your question is her hormones has been the hardest adjustment. I know she is the same person but something changed her thinking that it was cute for us to be soul sisters anymore. Dang the life change in GGs.

My wife is fine with everything I wear, but, like Gillian, she can't seem to understand five things I wear...underwire bras (that's all I have), shapewear for the hip/butt pads, pantyhose/nylon stockings, heels and shaving my legs. Every time I wear any or all these things, she comments, "how can you stand to wear those things?" My response, with a subtle smile, is "easy". She's not angry or negative...just bewildered as to how and why I wear these things. After I'm dressed, she's OK. Obviously, she never wears any of my favorites. Life is good.

Hormones and implants were her two no no's.