What would you do differently, if anything if you knew 20 years ago what you know now

I was thinking about his today. I have a wonderful wife who is fully accepting - sees it as clothing and really doesn't care. If I could go back in time I would have been open about it from the beginning and I would have dressed a lot more. I enjoy dressing immensely, however for years I hid who I really was - and I have no need to do that anymore. I would hide my stuff, keep it in the office, go to the office on weekends to dress and now I have a drawer of my own for panties, bras and stockings that is in my wife's dresser. I used to sneak a transformation and now I would involve my wife. I know we can only look forward, but for some reason - January 1? - I thought about this today.

It pains me to look back and consider all the errors I have made?but we learn by making mistakes (and avoiding making the same mistakes in the future). Perhaps my biggest mistake of the past 20 years was not being self aware?really knowing myself.

It was about twenty years ago that my son found out I was a crossdresser. I feel bad that he kept the knowledge to himself for eight years before I came out to him. It doesn't seem to have bothered him in the least, but it bothers me.
Times are a lot better now for trans spectrum people than they were twenty years ago, so I don't think I would have changed much.

What I would have changed is, I would have tried harder to get my wife to quit smoking. It ultimately killed her, and I regret very profoundly that I didn't rant and rave and yell and scream or do whatever it took to make her stop. It's probably irrational, but I will go to my grave regretting that.

I wasted a lot of time trying to wear adult guy clothes that never fit properly, as my waist never got wider than 28 inches. Long shirt sleeves were too long.

My waistline is now 25 inches and I have an easy time finding girl clothes that fit. :)

20 years ago..... I wouldn't have walked by the LGBT office at my college. I would have gone in. I often wonder what would have happenned if I had opened the literal door. I'm sad I didn't way back when.

20 years would not do it for me because I knew what I know now, then. Would have to be more like 50 years for me and times would have had to been a lot different than they were 5 decades ago. Fun to think what could have been but it does not really make things any better today, for me that is.

I wouldn't have questioned myself for another 20 years. I know I would have just started transitioning then. But then my life would be way different. So I still say things happen for a reason at the right time.

The internet and the culture has made it easier today. But 20 years ago, with what I know now, maybe I'd be a bit more aggressive in purchasing items for myself in stores. There is varied experiences with a SA, but in the end, you get what you want.

Kim said it all. Self awareness 20 years ago would have put me on a very different path than I'm on now.

The problem with questions like these is that 20 years ago was a different culture and 30 years ago even more so. I think many of us made the best choices we could with the resources available at the time. And those choices were certainly influenced by the people and the life we had around us. Of course, we all like to think about "what if", but realize that would most likely have changed all the good things that happened as well.

I would have to go all the way back to the 1970s and try to talk more openly with my wife about my crossdressing. Perhaps we might have reached an accord. Or perhaps I would have realised sooner that our marriage was irretrievably doomed.

Twenty years ago I was deep within a midlife crisis, in therapy which I have been in and out of since my college days. I was aware of my desire to CD but had not even admitted it to myself, much less anyone else including the therapists, thus rendering the therapy of marginal use at best. It now appears that was at the center of so much of my angst throughout my life, and was up until very recently. So, if I knew then what I know now I would have embraced that side of myself and not buried in my psyche. In theory, that would have led to a happier, more well adjusted, and productive person. I probably would have come flying giddily out of the closet embracing my CD side with abandon. I wonder how well that would have gone over with those around me at that time? I don't know if I would have met with the same acceptance that I have now. So, despite the angst, it's probably better the way things actually occurred.

If I answered this question properly, it would be way too long. But I guess I would have succeeded in raising my children. Instead of not having seen them for thirteen years (and counting). That never stops hurting.

If I'm going to be honest and stay on topic - I can't see where I could have done better.

Sure, there are a lot of "what if's" or "I wish'es", but I agree with Rachel Anne and I believe that I did the best I could with what I had to work with.
Overall, I guess I did pretty good - even if my wife doesn't want to be "married to a woman." I guess I can't fault her for that, right?

Quite frankly, I don't know. At my age I really can't remember 20 years ago. ;-) But if I knew now or knew someone 70 years ago who knew what I no now I think my life would have been very different, to say the least. I have no idea where I would be in this maze, but I suspect all the confusion, fear, self-disgust, etc. might well have not happened.

I am well settled into my identity now and that took about 8 years after acceptance and surrender to my inner self and identity. However, I doubt that if things had been very different, as described, when I was 6 I might have transitioned and now be a trans grandma or it might have all resolved and not even be a part of my life. However, I think the latter is unlikely unless all of this is, in fact, just the result of a bunch of choices. Not likely to be the case as the science says, to a high extent, the gender behavior pattern we live is founded in genetics, but only broadly so. The rest is the play of experiences, hormones, choices, and a pile of other things.

A lot of ifs buts and maybes. If I had the experience and head on my shoulders that I have now .I might have done things differently. I don?t want to look back with regret. But look to the future positively. I am happy with what I have got from life .It could have been worse if things were done differently.

36 years ago, actually. "Hello, dear girlfriend and future wife. I have something to tell you."

I would have understood that cherishing my wife and putting her first would allow her to give me more of what I needed. Instead, I selfishly hid some of my dressing and kept secrets from her. The more I have fully devoted myself to her, the more she has tried to understand my feminine needs and relaxed her boundaries. Seems simple now, but I was afraid to let her lead. Nancy

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

20 years would not do it for me because I knew what I know now, then. Would have to be more like 50 years for me and times would have had to been a lot different than they were 5 decades ago. Fun to think what could have been but it does not really make things any better today, for me that is.

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Might be my age (66), but I agree 100% with Karen I need to go back 50 years.

Karren is right, by 20 years ago I had fully accepted myself, I'd need to go back an additional 30.

20 years ago? I would have done electrolysis and gotten rid of my facial hair. Even in guy mode, not having to shave would have saved me many, many hours over the years.

Joined a bondage/discipline club!!!!!

Given my age, 67, I would have to go back 40 years. But that was a much different time. I prefer to think of myself as 27 now, and what would I do in the present.

I have wondered about how different my life would be if I fully explored my crossdressing early in my life. How I would look and where would I go from their. I used to regret the lost early experiences. 16 years ago I finally dressed fully make up wig the works for the first time at a transformation studio, my wife did not know. I looked in the mirror and saw the side of me I always dreamed of. Looking back it was the right time. I had been married over 25 years hiding my interest from my wife. But I could not hide it anymore as I was dying on the inside, and mentally a wreck. The benefits of waiting until I was 50 in 2005. I found the love of my life, raised two children so proud of both. Worked hard and saved to enjoy a comfortable life together. The information today, resources, support groups and LGBT success stories have provided so much information to educate the public sadly not all welcome it. I was very lucky and was sure my wife knowing her would understand. It took some time what a shock. We have worked together to find space and time for Brenda. I think It was the right time for me because I can now be whole and luckily lost nothing I love.

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Originally Posted by cdinmd206

Joined a bondage/discipline club!!!!!

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It is never to late to do that! Lol