Why me?

First of all I consider myself to be very lucky when it comes to having an accepting wife. I have read a lot of stories and see that a lot/most of us here are in either a DADT or they are completely hiding their stash from their wife/girlfriend/SO. She never says anything when I buy something new and I can dress freely in front of her. I know she isn't 100% thrilled with me dressing, but she does support me. I can even get her to go shopping with me occasionally. So because of how she feels towards me dressing, I try to not dress in front of her too much, especially since she married a man.

We have a small closet in our house that isn't the easiest to access. While our kids were living here, we used it for storage mostly my comic books. Yes I collected comic books, but haven't bought any for a LONG time. My wife suggested one day that I could hang my stuff in there. So I moved everything out and bought a rod that would work. I also put some contact paper down since some of my things are too long and would be touching the bottom.

I have known for a long time that I have a lot of nightgowns, but today I counted them. I have 27 long nightgowns, 2 nightgowns that come to just above my knees. In the closet I also have 2 maxi dresses and 2 slips. I also store my one pair of high heels and one pair of flats in there.

In the closet that we share on my side I have 2 pair of women's jeans and one woman's shirt.

In our bedroom in one of my dressers, I have 12 bras and 2 sports bras along with my breast forms. I also have 5 teddies and one body brief. I also have my one corset and 2 waist cinchers and 2 half slips. This does not include all of the different panties I own. The style of panty that I enjoy wearing has changed through out the years and I have not thrown a pair of panties out unless they were worn out. Plus 1 pair of fishnet pantyhose, one pair of regular pantyhose and several thigh high stockings and one garter belt.

I know compared to some my collection is small, but to think about how much money I have spent on women's clothing is mind blowing, especially since I don't dress to pass. Yes I do wear panties 24/7, but other than the jeans and stockings I don't wear anything out in public. I even wore panties to the doctor's office this year for the first time.

When I am home alone, I start thinking why me?
Why do I enjoy wearing these things that I don't wear in public?
I know I am more relaxed when I am dressed, but I sometimes panic when I hear car doors shutting outside our house. It is always the neighbors, but I still stress for just a little bit.

I did finally tell my daughter about my crossdressing, and she was accepting but I got the opinion she didn't really want to see me either. After raising her from around 6 years old until 14 she went to visit her mom (my ex-wife) for the summer in a LARGE city. Just before she was suppose to come back she asked if she could live with her mom, even though I had custody I said yes. Knowing she was more exposed to a lot of different people I knew she would be more accepting than my son or my wife's kids. Being 54 I know death is getting closer and I didn't want her to have any surprises if I died and she had to go through my/our stuff.

Why am I writing this?
I guess just to get it off my chest and to vent a little. Yes I can talk to my wife about all this, but it is hard for her to understand. I asked her a long time ago if she would be interested in joining this site, but she showed no interest.

I really don't expect any comments (since I normally don't get many) but I would welcome anybody's opinion on what is going on with me?
I still enjoy wearing all my stuff, but I also wonder why I do want to wear women's clothing.

Thanks for listening (reading) to me :)

54 and 'death is getting closer'!! I'm nearly 53 and have a LOT more living to do yet! That aside, you seem to have a wide and varied selection of female clothing and enjoy wearing it so I would think you had at least a reasonable idea of why you do it. You have a supportive other half which many of us would kill for (not literally....) and 'why me' is a question almost every CDer asks him (or her!) self at some point. Don't over think it, just enjoy it.

I am sixty five and in a great relationship with my SO that love me for me. I am dressed about four days a week and we do go out shopping and to movies and dinner out as two gals. So not everybody is in a DADT situation and we don't hide anything from each other. We talk openly and life couldn't be any better. But why stress, it is who you are.

As Diane said, why me is a question we all ask! Death is closer? I am 65 you are 54 yes death is closer every second any one lives! You enjoy dressing and it relaxes you is this not reason enough? No it is ingrown in some of us and it will not go away. You are just a normal CD who questions their self at times and needs a little reassurance! Hugs Lana Mae

You have way more "stuff" than I ( I have more shoes than you ) and I go out occasionally. I'm pushing 77 so hard it's scary. 90 looks pretty young to me. I'm told age is a state of mind, getting old beats the alternative. My wife says I have to live to be 134 years old, because I had my mid-life crisis at 67. I'm going to shoot for it.

As for "why me ???" nobody knows. Just keep talking and pushing forward.

No one here has the answer. Each person might have a slightly different reason. There is some evidence this is genetic, but likely also has to the right environmental situation to be more than a hidden desire. Do left-handed people ask "Why me?" Or why do people like to hear birds sing? People have asked why they are homosexual. For all of these - what can you do about them? A left handed person can try to use the right hand. A homosexual can try to be straight and a CDer can try to not dress. It does not let you be the true you in order to make society happy. This includes those close to you who you tried to be "typical" for.
So what is going on with you? You, like many of us, still are living in a society that does not understand and so we hide from them our atypicalness and that hiding hurts us.
Just my thoughts,
Hugs, Ellen

I understand where your coming from, I to have an accepting wife and can talk to, but I don't like to push stuff like this on her. I don't want it to be all about me and my dressing, so I can talk to her but prefer to do my venting or looking for advice here.
I also sometimes think to myself why me, life could be so much easier without this extra baggage I caring with me, and always the fear of I will be spotted one day and have a lot of explaining to do.
Well I just want you to know that I know exactly where your coming from and I guess even at your young age, don't look into it to much or try to figure it out and just enjoy our gift that we have been given

I didn't mean to sound like I am about ready to die since I realize that I probably have another 40 years to live. 3 out of my 4 grandparents lived to be around 95 the other was around 90.
My parents did die young, but they both smoked and that is what basically killed them. Mom had lung cancer and dad died of either a stroke or a heart attack, and mom didn't want to cut him up just to find out which.

I know right now I am just going through a phase (again) and on the days I am home alone I have WAY TOO MUCH TIME on my hands and makes my mind think too much.

I accept me for who I am, but I am in just one of those moods.

Thanks for everyone's support here. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Maria 60

I understand where your coming from, I to have an accepting wife and can talk to, but I don't like to push stuff like this on her. I don't want it to be all about me and my dressing, so I can talk to her but prefer to do my venting or looking for advice here.

---

It is always nice to hear from someone that is in the same situation as myself :)

As we age we do get retrospective but don't worry too much about it.
I'm 64 and if I go tomorrow my kids will see everything and thats fine.
One daughter will probably go uh well ok and the other will be freaked out a little but get over it.
I won't be here to deal with it.

Hi HMG:hugs:, I will be 74 in one month and I like to think that I am only three quarters of the way there.

Fifty Four should be just a little over Half way there ...:daydreaming:...

Ahhh the age old question. Why me? What the hell am I doing? Why did I just spent more $ on one dress then I have on men's clothes in the last 3 years? Or my favorite what the heck is wrong with me?
I ask myself one or more of these questions a couple of times each month. For the most part I have excepted myself and I have a wonderful excepting girlfriend. But still I question. I think about the money spent some times then I compare it to other things I've spent a lot of money on over the years and it pails in comparison, two examples tools and cars. I think we over think things too much some times.

I think the question is a universal question that we all ask ourselves on all kinds of subjects. DiianeF says it nicely,"Just enjoy it."!

Sometime ago I asked the question, " Why Me ". At the time I realised I had never asked that question it was more asking how do I live with this. I have been dressing since the age of 8-9 and since then had a gut feeling of something needing to be satisfied, it's only recently I've found out that I was born like it and it's for life, I still don't ask Why Me because I'm finally enjoying what those feelings meant.
The point you raise about being nervous and getting caught , I pushed hard to come out to stop that happening, it's mentally and physically wearing, you have to stop the feeling of guilt and shame, you're not doing anything wrong.
Now I go out socially my purchases are geared towards suitable outfits for my next meeting this has given my CDing some real meaning , I have to try and get an overall look together. I must admit I enjoy shopping almost as much as dressing but going out as Teresa, driving the thirty miles dressed is a wonderful experience.

No question now of Why Me ? It's more Why Not ?

Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, right?

I know 'why me' and....looking back, I'm a better person for it, I think. Certainly me female persona has 'softened' my male persona, at least as far as 'feelings' go, and overall, that's good. I think I've become a better husband and father because of it, so....no regrets.

As far being DADT, I've a comment which is that....sometimes I get the feeling there's a stigma attached to the DADT situation, and I guess if one were completely secret about it, one could argue that it's akin to a 'small cheating' incident. But, some DADT relationships are due to mutual respect for boundaries well discussed and established and therefore, not cheating -if you will. My wife has known about Marie Elena (Helen) since before we married, knows what's in 'that side' of the 'other' closet, has borrowed a few of my things very occasionally, but...just does not want to see me in my female persona -and I don't think that when I dress, I cheat. I know she does not think so either, so...I guess there are several kinds of DADT relationships and that's okay. After 35 years of marriage and at age 64, there's really not much I would change...

Helen,
I recall having that converstion with my wife when I'd been out a couple of times and she suggested it was a form of cheating, it is a slightly strange scenario, if we go out and play golf or ski etc. we wear appropiate clothing but that's not considered cheating, OK I keep saying CDing isn't a hobby to me but I still dress for the appropiate circumstances, I know for me it's always going to be a no win situation and we can talk about the merits of it here but our wives are our partners and they have to live with it .