Resuming HRT

I started HRT on March 22, 2016. Within a couple of days, I knew it was the right thing for me. My attitude changed, I was calm, and for once I thought like I was looking at the world in the right way. However along with this mental change, came the physical change. The physician had warned me to expect some breast development, and to reach the level of a slightly obese male with regard to breast size.

Sure enough, within a month, some breast growth was obvious. At the four-month mark, I started developing breast buds and they continued to grow in size. I found that if I stopped taking estradiol for couple of days, they would shrink down. But when I resumed the estradiol, the buds would start developing again.

I continued to see the physician, and she did not seem concerned about breast growth (maybe I wasn’t firm enough) even offered to increase my dosage at one point and I declined.

Finally, earlier this year, I stopped taking the estradiol routinely altogether. I would only take it once every couple weeks.

When I finally ran out of estradiol, I noticed that the issues I had before were coming back, I was grumpy, and the world just did not look right. However in the meantime I had gotten used to my breasts. They had shrunk a little bit, and the buds had gone away, but I started liking them, even being able to look at them in the mirror.

I called the pharmacy and asked if there was any prescriptions of spiro and E left. To my delight, there was. I went up and got them and resumed dosing.

Within two days, I knew that was the right thing to do. The calmness and better perspective Returned. I called the doctors office and scheduled bloodwork, and will see my doctor next Friday. I will probably get some grief for not being a compliant patient, I am ready to face up to that.

In my last visit with my therapist about six months ago, she asked what I did to stay in touch with my feminimity. I didn’t have a good answer for her! But, it made me start thinking. So, I resumed shaving wherever I can reach, went for make up lessons – thanks Brook - And got my nails done last week - got pink polish on my toes!

So, my plan is to go back to my physician and plead my case and tell her I needed to take some time off to adjust to my body changes, and ask her to continue to work with me. If my breasts get too large, I was going to get breast reduction surgery, but continue HRT for the mental stability.

What do others think? Have you been in the same situation at some point?

I may have missed something. Why did you start HRT in the first place. Surely you knew that there would physical changes as well as emotional. I don't understand the conflict.

Hi Kelly,
I started HRT because of gender dysphoria, and a burning need to do something to bring it under control. I went through therapy and got the letter. My intent was not to transition, since I am still married and not out to my wife, but to moderate the dysphoria. The conflict was that the changes were greater than I expected but apparently not so much to everyone else.

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Originally Posted by Charla

My intent was not to transition, since I am still married and not out to my wife, but to moderate the dysphoria. .

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So your taking HRT, and you have not informed your wife about this?

Yes, that is correct. I am talking to my therapist about how to tell my wife, as eventually I will have to let her know.

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Originally Posted by Charla

So, my plan is to go back to my physician and plead my case and tell her I needed to take some time off to adjust to my body changes, and ask her to continue to work with me. If my breasts get too large, I was going to get breast reduction surgery, but continue HRT for the mental stability.

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I have been on M2F HRT for over 6 years and have developed DD cup breasts. There is NO way I would have breast reduction surgery. I also never took time off due to body changes.

The regimen helped lift me out of depression and suicidal thoughts so I understand the calming effects.

I was thinking of transitioning to being a woman socially but have decided not to do so. Nonetheless the HRT is so beneficial to me I shall continue. I look like a woman with my long hair but have a bass voice.

Hey Charla,

You asked what others think so here goes. Gender dysphoria is a condition of serious distress and discontent with your body because you identify with the opposite gender. It also relates to the role you portray and how you need others to relate to you. It appears that you have been under the care of both a mental health professional and a medical professional. So, I assume that they have explained, and hopefully made clear, what gender dysphoria is. Seeking medical intervention for HRT is typically to bring about physical changes. Estradiol and Spiro are not psychotropic drugs. The Spiro blocks Androgens so that the Estradiol can change your body. Any mental effects are a result of physical changes. Certainly, in time, the estrogen will have an effect on how the brain functions but any immediate changes are simply a placebo effect. If you have GD and you are trans, you do not need assistance in staying in touch with your femininity, it is always there. There is some relief to the GD when you can express the femininity.

If you are not out to your wife, what does she think about getting your nails done and having pink toes?

Hi Jeri Ann,
Thanks!
For me, the mental changes were definitely there so HRT has helped. My endo and therapist agree with this approach. I tell my wife about manicures and pedicures, but she was out of town when I got them done.

FYI - a lot had happened in our family so I am exercising discretion about this area. Five years ago our youngest son committed suicide a day before his 23rd birthday. Earlier this year my wife underwent a bilateral mastectomy for breast cancer. I don’t want to rattle the family any more than I have to.

I understand completely about trying to keep things together. I did that for decades. Unfortunately, it didn't last. Things got out of control, my marriage ended, the family rejected me and I am on my own beginning a new life. I am transitioning and have relocated from deep east Texas to just south of Houston. So far things are good. I am accepted everywhere I go. I miss my family terribly and always will. But, I have to look forward and make the best of things.

I have some old friends and an amazing sister that have accepted me completely and I have made some new friends too. The old friends even helped me move. I have found a church, changed doctors and am establishing my new identity.

Good luck.

Jeri Ann

Gender dysphoria is far more than just unhappiness with your body. That is physical dysphoria. There is also social dysphoria, unhappiness with being treated as your assigned gender nd having to act as your assigned gender. There is also clinical dysphoria, and that is an issue of the effect of a brain that did not select for male in the last trimester of pregnancy being subject to the influence of testosterone. Spironolactone is used to treat this by purging out all the testosterone. With the testosterone gone, you need to be on some kind of hormone to prevent osteoporosis-so you get estrogen.

I urge you to share with your wife ASAP. The longer you wait, the more betrayed she'll feel and the more you'll have to deal with. If you're going to do this and you're going to tell her, sooner is better than later.